What would you do if a family member didnt want you to see them in the hospital? in General Discussion Forum

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What would you do if a family member didnt want you to see them in the hospital?

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Priance	What would you do if a family member didnt want you to see them in the hospital?		Lead	[-]
Posts: 326 06/20/2012 2:01 PM	My dad recently had a quadruple bypass. During surgery, they accidentally punctured his lung and now he has Massive Subcutaneous Emphysema (his body/face is swollen with air. He's supposedly unrecognizable.) Sadly, he's in a lot of pain. He doesn't want me or my brother to visit and see him like this. He thinks he's gonna die and doesn't want us to have memory of him that way. I want to see him but my mom and him are refusing I don't know what to do! Now they are gonna do another surgery on him because of his bad condition. I'm pretty strong and I can hide my feelings so I know I can put a happy face on when I see him whereas my mom breaks down during everything. lol I know she's trying her best to help him but I'm afraid she's not giving him "hope". My mom says he's saying he wishes he would die and he says his goodbyes I want to be there and help him think positive. But I also want to respect his wishes. Would you not visit a family member at the hospital if that was their request? Has anyone had this happen to them before?
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NsYnC FaN 364		#1	[url]	[-]
Posts: 12395 06/20/2012 2:04 PM	Wow, that's a really tricky situation. On one hand, you should be able to go visit your father if you want...he's your father and he's sick. No one should be keeping you from that. On the other hand, it's his request that you don't go see him. You want to honor that too. I can see why he wouldn't want you to see him like that and why he wouldn't want you to remember him like that, but if he truly thinks he is dying, I think it's important that you see him. I guess I don't really have an answer for you. If I were you, I'd probably go anyway. I hope he gets better, I'm sorry you are going through this.
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VelvetRope11		#2	[url]	[-]
Posts: 39788 06/20/2012 2:05 PM	I'm a stubborn ass, so I would be telling my father "I respect your wishes, but this family sticks by each other no matter what, so I'm coming in and being by your side to support you no matter what end." When he was in his head on collision he didn't want me coming to the hospital "wasting my time in the ER waiting room", I went and sat all night anyway. Maybe, if it makes you feel better and you don't want to not honor his wishes, can you send him stuff so he has things from you by his side?
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midori123		#3	[url]	[-]
Posts: 236 06/20/2012 2:05 PM	Wow. Such a tough and sad situation for you to be in. I'm not sure if you should, or could do anything different if both your parents don't want you to see him like that. Sending you a hug.
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Priance		#4	[url]	[-]
Posts: 326 06/20/2012 2:05 PM	Thanks so much NsyncFan
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Priance		#5	[url]	[-]
Posts: 326 06/20/2012 2:06 PM	Thanks VelvetRope & midori!
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Semirhage626		#6	[url]	[-]
Posts: 13939 06/20/2012 2:07 PM	I think I'd go anyway. I saw my dad in the hospital right before he died. I also saw him in the casket after he was dead. Neither memory is how I remember him. I remember him as the loving, vibrant father he was and those moments with him in the hospital can't change that. Having that final conversation with him, knowing that our last words to each other were loving provided me with a lot of peace after he died and has been a source of comfort ever since. If I were in your shoes, I'd try very hard to help my dad understand why it is important for me to see him, especially if he thinks it may be for the last time.
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kerlifries		#7	[url]	[-]
Posts: 20385 06/20/2012 2:43 PM	That's a tough situation, my Grandpa was in and out of the hospital a lot before he died and he never wanted us to come see him. He was always a rock for everyone and I think it was hard for him to have us see him weak. I gave in and didn't go see him and I have so much regret about it now that he's not here anymore. I think you should go, even if he's stubborn and won't let you in the room at least you are there, for me I think I would put me at ease and I wouldn't have so much regret about it now. I hope your dad get's better
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lisa2302		#8	[url]	[-]
Posts: 5119 06/20/2012 3:16 PM	I would go anyway. If I got there and he adamantly did not want me to see him, then I wouldn't go in his room, but I would definitely wait there during the procedure. My mother died when I was a 9 and I did not want to see her in the hospital. I never got to say good-bye to her and I regret it to this day. When my grandfather got sick this past fall, I was with him as much as I could be. It was heartbreaking to see him in such pain and know that the end was near, but I had no regrets after his passing. The last moments with him meant so much to me and I think to him as well. Hopefully, this procedure improves your dad's health and he makes a strong recovery.
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LisaChasez		#9	[url]	[-]
Posts: 120438 06/20/2012 3:51 PM JC Fanatic '03, '05 Most Loyal *NSYNC Fan '06 Most Outspoken '07 Most Likely To Reply '08 Most Opinionated '09	Respect his wishes.
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Posts: 80256 06/20/2012 4:08 PM Madam Irma Pince	I would respect his wishes. My grandfather didn't want me to see him before he died and I didn't go. I'm so sorry your dad is going through this and I wish him luck.
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SuEzQt2277		#11	[url]	[-]
Posts: 13227 06/20/2012 4:12 PM a sea of emotions	I've never had this happen to me but if I had, I'd respect my family members wishes. They have their reasons why they do not want you there & I know it has to hurt like hell but they seem to be looking our for your best interests. I hope your dad will be okay & makes a full recovery.
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What would you do if a family member didnt want you to see them in the hospital?

What would you do if a family member didnt want you to see them in the hospital?