My best friend has suddenly started avoiding me and I have no idea why -----update post #10 in General Discussion Forum

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My best friend has suddenly started avoiding me and I have no idea why -----update post #10

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JCinWrappingPaper	My best friend has suddenly started avoiding me and I have no idea why -----update post #10		Lead	[-]
Posts: 8800 05/18/2012 10:24 PM	I honestly can't think of anything. We hung out this past weekend and everything was fine...then when we showed up to class on Tuesday she was just acting really cold and distant towards me. She didn't sit next me and hasn't done so the past 4 days. Now she will literally walk right by me and not speak to me or even make eye contact. If I strike up a conversation with her she makes small talk and then turns her back or face to me and starts talking to someone else. Its so bizarre. I tried reaching out to her just now on Gchat and no response (it says shes online). I don't think anything is wrong on her end because she seems to converse/interact with other people just fine. I know JJB's suggestion will be to ask her about it but that's easier said than done. I'm so upset, you guys. I have no idea if I did something wrong. Edited 1 time by JCinWrappingPaper 05/20/2012 5:55 PM.
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Posts: 80256 05/18/2012 10:25 PM Madam Irma Pince	Maybe she's going through something that she'd rather not talk about right now? I avoided my best friend once for that reason.
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JulieAnne20		#2	[url]	[-]
Posts: 67935 05/18/2012 10:27 PM Best Debater '09 Likes to Bully Self '11 Miss Government Assistance '11 Does Ok Things '12 A. Mediocre. Star. '12	JCinWrappingPaper wrote: I know JJB's suggestion will be to ask her about it but that's easier said than done. I'm so upset, you guys. I have no idea if I did something wrong. Why do you think it's easier said than done? If she is your best friend, you should feel like you can talk to her about anything. And regardless of how difficult it is, I feel like it's an inevitable conversation. The longer you wait, the more stressful it will be for you, and the more damage may be done to your friendship in the meantime.
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JCinWrappingPaper		#3	[url]	[-]
Posts: 8800 05/18/2012 10:30 PM	Yeah i would totally understand if that was the case but she is not avoiding our other best friend (its a group of 3 of us..we usually do everything together, like studying, going out on weekends, etc). I think the two of them even had lunch together today. The other friend is acting pretty normally towards to me....I've thought about asking her if she knows whats up. JulieAnne, I guess I am just afraid to bring it up. What if she tells me something really horrible, like she doesn't want to be friends anymore? Or what if I am really making all this up in my head becuase she decided to sit somewhere else in class this week? Ugh I dunno, I am being a baby about this. Edited 1 time by JCinWrappingPaper 05/18/2012 10:33 PM.
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Posts: 80256 05/18/2012 10:37 PM Madam Irma Pince	I totally understand how you feel. I hope your friend comes back to you soon!
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JulieAnne20		#5	[url]	[-]
Posts: 67935 05/18/2012 10:49 PM Best Debater '09 Likes to Bully Self '11 Miss Government Assistance '11 Does Ok Things '12 A. Mediocre. Star. '12	I hope things get back to normal soon.
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JCinWrappingPaper		#6	[url]	[-]
Posts: 8800 05/18/2012 10:51 PM	thanks guys, so do i. especially since the three of us plan on working in the same hospital in august (we are in medical school). If she REALLY is distancing herself from me and not just going through a phase, shits gonna be super awkward this summer.
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BellaK84		#7	[url]	[-]
Posts: 1471 05/18/2012 10:54 PM Hot for Hardy ASkars' Angelic Sex Kitten	Just went through something similar with a neighbor....I would just give her space, honestly. I know it sucks but if someone doesn't want to talk, leave them be. Has she said anything to the other friend? One of my biggest pet peeves. I can understand needing time to decompress but after 2 days, get that crap of your chest (this is a general thing)!
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RobbinAmber		#8	[url]	[-]
Posts: 46 05/18/2012 11:32 PM	Also consider that it isn't your fault. A strange human nature thing is when people do a dirty TO YOU and then they unconsciously start avoiding you out of guilt. Maybe it isn't something you did but something she did.
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AudaciousAudrey		#9	[url]	[-]
Posts: 43200 05/19/2012 12:19 AM Biggest Know It All '09	I kinda did that to one of my friends last year. I just felt like we were growing apart and hanging out with her became less and less fulfilling for me. I started to pull away just like that and I never really talked to her about it. I didn't know how to bring it up because she's super sensitive. You might think things are perfectly fine but she may feel totally differently. I would probably just ask her if everything is okay and give her a little space.
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JCinWrappingPaper		#10	[url]	[-]
Posts: 8800 05/20/2012 5:55 PM	update. so i finally asked her if anything was bothering her, because i noticed we hadn't been talking as much. she said shes really stressed about school and just trying to get back into the groove of studying. She never addressed the fact that we haven't been talking, just mentioned her stress level. I would understand her reason if she was withdrawing from everyone but shes not. I watched her in class today and she said hi to a bunch of people and carried on friendly conversations with everyone else. She has made absolutely 0 effort to talk to me and I'm confident that she wouldn't have spoken to me today if I hadn't approached her. Then. Icing on the cake. I run into another friend and she says "oh you aren't ready? Your not coming to dinner with us?" I said "i don't know what you are talking about, what dinner?". Apparently my "best friend" had organized a dinner and invited friends this morning. I spoke to her today and she didnt even mention this? It really hurts that I have been left out of a group event with our mutual friends. I'm really, really hurt by this. I don't understand whats going on. I wish she would just be honest with me and tell me why she's ignoring me and not any of our other friends.
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franknbeans82		#11	[url]	[-]
Posts: 54622 05/20/2012 5:59 PM	sorry you're going through that. it's an awful feeling to have your best friend suddenly ditch you, and it's even worse being shut out of your group of friends.
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Posts: 54758 05/20/2012 6:05 PM Best Fan Fic Writer '08 Mostly British '12 Not a Dumbfuck '12	I'm afraid - as shit scary as it is - the only way to do it is to ask her very directly. No tiptoeing around it asking vaguely if something's bothering her, ask the precise question and do not allow her to avoid answering with vaguries about stress. I can't promise that it won't be hurtful when you get the answer, but as long as she's allowed to avoid the topic she probably will.
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JCinWrappingPaper		#13	[url]	[-]
Posts: 8800 05/20/2012 6:10 PM	insomniachollie wrote: I'm afraid - as shit scary as it is - the only way to do it is to ask her very directly. No tiptoeing around it asking vaguely if something's bothering her, ask the precise question and do not allow her to avoid answering with vaguries about stress. I can't promise that it won't be hurtful when you get the answer, but as long as she's allowed to avoid the topic she probably will. I understand what you are saying. If I can work up the courage to ask about this directly, I will. The reason I was vague today was because I was giving her the benefit of the doubt..maybe she really did have a serious problem going on in her life and I didn't want to seem like I was attacking her by asking her why she was ignoring me. I was thinking, maybe she was going through a private issue like AlextheGoob said earlier.
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celebtrashwhore		#14	[url]	[-]
Posts: 10407 05/20/2012 6:11 PM	Is she mad about something school related? Did you score higher on a test than her? Get credit for something she feels she helped you with? Get placed in a better elective or one she wanted? Thats crazy rude of her to do what she did in regards to the dinner. Are you going to confront her? Are your other friends going to ask her tonight what her deal is ie wont it be weird youre not there?
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MissyJG		#15	[url]	[-]
Posts: 3796 05/20/2012 6:12 PM	I'm sorry to hear that but you should ask her why she is ignoring you. Don't be vague about it. She shouldn't get away with that behavior unless something is really up with her.
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Ease Your Mind		#16	[url]	[-]
Posts: 8847 05/20/2012 6:14 PM	I don't know exactly how close you guys are, but I know that with my best friend, I can be like... "Dude, what is going on? Are you mad at me for something? Because you're not talking to me." And she can do the same with me. (in fact, we recently had an issue with our cell phones and weren't getting each others' messages so she sent me one on FB saying, "Are you mad at me? You're not answering my texts. =( " So I wrote her back and said I hadn't gotten any and we figure out what happened) Granted, that isn't happening in your situation, but you should feel like you can approach her about anything. I know sometimes we don't want to "ruffle feathers" or approach it in a harsh way, but something strange is going on if you find out from mutual friends about a dinner that she invited everyone but you to. I'm sorry this is happening to you, but the only way you're going to find out is to come out and ask her. Otherwise, your mutual friends are going to feel awkward if they know something you don't and you're just going to feel worse. Good luck!
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CoverGaL86		#17	[url]	[-]
Posts: 9689 05/20/2012 6:19 PM	i HATE when people do that to me, so yea, i'd ask. we're old enough to stop acting so immature. i feel like your "best friend" is being exactly that. if something is bothering you, speak up, instead of giving your so called "best friend" the silent treatment or some stupid vague answers that everything's fine or whatever. so ask her directly next time. and if she's still not giving you the truth, i'm sorry, but i honestly think she's not worth being friends with anymore. friends shouldn't treat each other like that, especially best friends.
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JCinWrappingPaper		#18	[url]	[-]
Posts: 8800 05/20/2012 6:20 PM	celebtrashwhore wrote: Is she mad about something school related? Did you score higher on a test than her? Get credit for something she feels she helped you with? Get placed in a better elective or one she wanted? Thats crazy rude of her to do what she did in regards to the dinner. Are you going to confront her? Are your other friends going to ask her tonight what her deal is ie wont it be weird youre not there? I don't think its school related. We have never discussed actual numerical grades. We studied for spring finals together like normal, took our exams, and then we celebrated all weekend by getting dressed up and going out to the bars with our mutual friends. No funny business happened over the weekend - its not like I got wasted and said something rude to her. I have no idea how she did on finals, and she doesn't know how I did either. The we started our summer courses and the first day of class shit was weird. Thanks for all your input guys. I feel really alone right now but I'm grateful that you guys are here to help me figure out what to do. I mean my friend seemed geniunely surprised that I wasn't dressed to go out..I think she really did expect me to be there. I simply told her that I wasn't invited, said bye and walked away. So yeah maybe she will bring it up.
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franknbeans82		#19	[url]	[-]
Posts: 54622 05/20/2012 6:23 PM	is she friends with anyone you don't get along with? just wondering if maybe someone lied to her about you or something?
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Ease Your Mind		#20	[url]	[-]
Posts: 8847 05/20/2012 6:27 PM	franknbeans82 wrote: is she friends with anyone you don't get along with? just wondering if maybe someone lied to her about you or something? I just have to say I hate when that happens! The person who does it sucks and a best friend should know better. Been there, done that obviously. lol.
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My best friend has suddenly started avoiding me and I have no idea why -----update post #10

My best friend has suddenly started avoiding me and I have no idea why -----update post #10