My mother blames me for the money troubles we had when I was a kid! in General Discussion Forum

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My mother blames me for the money troubles we had when I was a kid!

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RiverPhoenix71	My mother blames me for the money troubles we had when I was a kid!		Lead	[-]
Posts: 3706 03/09/2012 9:43 AM	My mother was horrible at managing money and we would constantly have our electricity and water cut off. She still has a problem paying bills now that she has been living alone for the last few years and I constantly tell her make sure she pays her bills and she gets all pissed off and brings up that I sometimes don't pay mine and it spirals into me bringing up when I was kid having the water and electricity turned off cause she wouldn't pay it and her retaliation toward that is to say that the reason she couldn't pay it was because me and my brother always wanted something. I bring up the fact that SHE was the parent and didn't have to buy us things whenever we asked and she makes it seem as though it was out of her hands and had to just make us happy.
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JulieAnne20		#1	[url]	[-]
Posts: 67935 03/09/2012 9:51 AM Best Debater '09 Likes to Bully Self '11 Miss Government Assistance '11 Does Ok Things '12 A. Mediocre. Star. '12	Why are you reminding her to pay her bills? MYOB
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NancyOttawa		#2	[url]	[-]
Posts: 23751 03/09/2012 9:51 AM	You are both being petty. She's a grown woman, let her handle her own finances, good or bad, herself without telling her what to do. It obviously makes her defensive so she does the blame game back on you with that lame excuse. If her electricity or whatever gets shut off, then it's her problem. Try really hard though not to say "I told you so" although you'd probably be dying inside!
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RiverPhoenix71		#3	[url]	[-]
Posts: 3706 03/09/2012 10:10 AM	well, I wish it was that easy to just let her make her own mistakes but when things like this happen she calls me crying and freaking out and wanting me to help her. It's hard for me to just say "hey you made your bed now you have to lye in it."
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JulieAnne20		#4	[url]	[-]
Posts: 67935 03/09/2012 10:11 AM Best Debater '09 Likes to Bully Self '11 Miss Government Assistance '11 Does Ok Things '12 A. Mediocre. Star. '12	RiverPhoenix71 wrote: well, I wish it was that easy to just let her make her own mistakes but when things like this happen she calls me crying and freaking out and wanting me to help her. It's hard for me to just say "hey you made your bed now you have to lye in it." So don't take her calls.
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RiverPhoenix71		#5	[url]	[-]
Posts: 3706 03/09/2012 10:14 AM	I guess I'm kind of foolish but it's just really hard to just ignore her. I worry about her all the time. She is an on-again-off-again recovering addict and I do what I can for her so that I don't have to see her in a casket anytime soon. I believe addicts are really good at manipulating people to get the reaction they are looking for.
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NancyOttawa		#6	[url]	[-]
Posts: 23751 03/09/2012 10:16 AM	RiverPhoenix71 wrote: well, I wish it was that easy to just let her make her own mistakes but when things like this happen she calls me crying and freaking out and wanting me to help her. It's hard for me to just say "hey you made your bed now you have to lye in it." Well then I guess all you can do is vent in here like you did today when it gets to you. I guess its difficult when it's your mom because most of us would feel obligated to help when they need it.
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RiverPhoenix71		#7	[url]	[-]
Posts: 3706 03/09/2012 10:20 AM	I just recently changed my phone number and took all family off of Facebook because of her. I guess I finally said "I'm done."
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ThePinkOrchid		#8	[url]	[-]
Posts: 5297 03/09/2012 12:19 PM	RiverPhoenix71 wrote: well, I wish it was that easy to just let her make her own mistakes but when things like this happen she calls me crying and freaking out and wanting me to help her. It's hard for me to just say "hey you made your bed now you have to lye in it." I feel you. Been there.
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cojordan		#9	[url]	[-]
Posts: 1372 03/09/2012 12:32 PM	RiverPhoenix71 wrote: well, I wish it was that easy to just let her make her own mistakes but when things like this happen she calls me crying and freaking out and wanting me to help her. It's hard for me to just say "hey you made your bed now you have to lye in it." Then give her advanced notice. I won't remind you if you don't call and ask for help when they call because you didn't pay and they are shutting things off. She's a adult I guess you just have to move on and let her handle her business.
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Keaara		#10	[url]	[-]
Posts: 489 03/09/2012 12:39 PM	I get you. I mean she's your mother so of course you naturally worry and do want to help on contrary what some people say that she should do it herself etc. It's a tough position when it comes to finance and family together. I think you cannot take it personally even if it sucks that she blames you. She needs somebody to blame, it for some reason I've found out that it's acutally easiest to put blame on some one close because you love them and know when you put your baggage on them they won't leave. At least that is the expectation we have from them. I think you should just help me sufficently to leave her being an adult and the one making the final choice. And you should not take money - ever - no matter how diffifuclt, as a emotional burden, then it will eat you.
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BellaSole		#11	[url]	[-]
Posts: 8833 03/09/2012 12:58 PM	Water and electricity at home is worth telling your child no you can't have this or that... Her poor choices...
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JCcai		#12	[url]	[-]
Posts: 1731 03/09/2012 1:13 PM	OP, are you in a position to be helping her? Usually, when you "lend" (because let's face it, that money is never coming back), it does give you a little leeway of making a comment about a person's situation. But if you can't help her because you're having a hard time paying your bills... then please stop feeling guilty-- We're all struggling one way or another. There isn't a point in bringing up the past; especially when the person hasn't apologize for their action. Your mother should not be blaming her children for the hardship that occurred in the past-- the fact is she was supposed to be the adult. Obviously you grew up before you should've, but your mother should've never been your responsibility in the first place unless you guys have an agreement and a plan.
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ghertigirl		#13	[url]	[-]
Posts: 505 03/09/2012 11:42 PM	I guess I'm kind of foolish but it's just really hard to just ignore her. I worry about her all the time. I was the same way with my mom (who sounds like your mom) and one day, I just couldn't anymore. I haven't talked to her in 2 months and sadly, I haven't been this carefree and relaxed in years, much to the benefit of my own family. Sometimes, you gotta take a break to preserve your own sanity.
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My mother blames me for the money troubles we had when I was a kid!

My mother blames me for the money troubles we had when I was a kid!