ForgotPassword?
Sign Up
Search this Topic:
Forum Jump
Posts: 3962
04/19/2011 1:07 PM
Spelt Write
Posts: 22798
04/19/2011 1:10 PM
FallenAngelFound wrote: Darcy: I don't consider being called a racist a "stupid rumor". It's not like Mary said he slept with someone at the company Christmas party. Or that he has a drinking problem. Being labeled a "racist" can have drastic impacts on his career down the line, no matter what line of work they're in. I don't want every "random rumor" about me repeated to me, but if someone at WORK was telling even ONE person I was a racist, I would DEFINITELY want to know that. Wouldn't you?!
04/19/2011 1:20 PM
Posts: 12702
04/19/2011 1:41 PM
FallenAngelFound wrote:I guess we'll have to just agree to disagree It just surprises me that so many people are saying to stay out of it, especially when she said this is her friend. Seems like everyone is more worried about potentially rocking the boat at work and the impact it would have on themselves than the priority of being a good friend and preventing someone at work from spreading malicious rumors about others. Every man for him/herself I guess. But that does explain why people, in general, seem to be so self-centered in the workplace and why there is no sense of teamwork and camaraderie anymore. It's hard to think of the thoughts, feelings, and impact on others when all you're worried about is yourself.
Posts: 2271
04/19/2011 2:03 PM
Posts: 1676
04/19/2011 2:29 PM
Posts: 2377
04/19/2011 2:35 PM
04/19/2011 2:40 PM
NsYnC FaN 364 wrote:This has nothing to do with teamwork. Do you work in an office setting? It's MISERABLE to go to work every day if people are fighting and there is drama everywhere. It's better NOT to stir the pot. The place of business is first and foremost where you go to earn a living. You have to be there every day, so why create unnecessary drama? It's not worth it. This guy has never done ONE thing to show the OP that he is in fact racist. If he did, then she wouldn't have gotten so close to him. Sometimes you need to trust your own judgment, and the OP obviously thinks the guy is a nice guy. If it is true, that sucks, and the OP will find out on her own in time. Then she can choose whether or not to continue a friendship. You can't trust people, especially people that you already know are known to be a shit-stirrer.
Posts: 54758
04/19/2011 2:46 PM
Best Fan Fic Writer '08Mostly British '12Not a Dumbfuck '12
04/19/2011 2:48 PM
04/19/2011 2:50 PM
FallenAngelFound wrote:NsYnC FaN 364 wrote:This has nothing to do with teamwork. Do you work in an office setting? It's MISERABLE to go to work every day if people are fighting and there is drama everywhere. It's better NOT to stir the pot. The place of business is first and foremost where you go to earn a living. You have to be there every day, so why create unnecessary drama? It's not worth it. This guy has never done ONE thing to show the OP that he is in fact racist. If he did, then she wouldn't have gotten so close to him. Sometimes you need to trust your own judgment, and the OP obviously thinks the guy is a nice guy. If it is true, that sucks, and the OP will find out on her own in time. Then she can choose whether or not to continue a friendship. You can't trust people, especially people that you already know are known to be a shit-stirrer. I meant in the "forest for the trees" mindset. And yes, I do. Always have. The last place I worked (a higher end 4 yr university) we had a woman similar in personality type to what she is describing as this "Mary" person. This lady was a plague on the office. She gossiped/spread rumors about everyone. Talked about everyone's business (though most of us weren't sure how she learned things about us, other than maybe she gained bits and pieces off other conversations and then expanded upon them herself-erroneously) and so on. So I guess it's a touchy subject for me because I have personal experience with someone like this. And in the type of setting I worked in, neither the gossiper or the people she was spreading malicious rumors about would have had a decent chance at advancement. Who wants to advance someone in educational administration who might be a racist? The end result, though, is that I went to our department head and said "I've had enough. I can't handle Soandso's constant gossiping and poisonous attitude. It creates a hostile work environment and if it's going to be tolerated, I'd like to transfer elsewhere on campus". The director wholeheartedly agreed, but said no one was willing to come forward and cite specific incidences or examples of this person's behavior. The director only heard about it in passing, but when she would offer to try to resolve it, grown, educated adults would actually BEG her not to say anything, because they didn't want to "be involved" or be "blamed" for outing the gossiper. I told her I was all too happy to cite specific examples and situations, so the director, Gossip, and myself had a private meeting. I confronted Gossip about her behavior and how it made me feel, and when she tried to lash out at me and call me a liar, the director stopped her and said that she had NUMEROUS other reports of the same thing, but that no one else was willing to come forward. The director told her that her behavior had to stop immediately or she would be terminated. After word of the meeting got out (through Gossip, I'm sure), several other people went and lodged formal complaints about Gossip to the director. Needless to say, she was no longer employed within 30 days of our meeting. As I told Gossip in the meeting, this is about how you treat the people you work with. Yes, it's work and yes, you HAVE to be there, so why not do what you can to make it as pleasant as possible? Treat people with dignity, kindness, and respect, and expect others to hold themselves to the same standard. If they don't, be adult enough to speak up about it. It's rude and disrespectful to gossip and spread rumors about coworkers, and it creates bad feelings and ultimately, can lead to a hostile workplace. Even the OP is struggling because the entire event is making her uncomfortable. Jack may or may not have done what Mary says, and that's wrong if he did, but Mary had no business spreading rumors and gossip about it to anyone else. And as Jack's friend, OP should say something. It's bad behavior. But everyone wants to just "stay out of it" or turn the other cheek to it. I just don't get the cowardice.
Posts: 4722
04/19/2011 2:51 PM
FallenAngelFound wrote:NsYnC FaN 364 wrote:Jack may or may not have done what Mary says, and that's wrong if he did, but Mary had no business spreading rumors and gossip about it to anyone else. And as Jack's friend, OP should say something. It's bad behavior. But everyone wants to just "stay out of it" or turn the other cheek to it. I just don't get the cowardice.
NsYnC FaN 364 wrote:
04/19/2011 3:04 PM
Posts: 3757
04/20/2011 2:26 AM
insomniachollie wrote:It's one thing to go to a manager and say "this person has most definitely done X to me and it's affecting the work environment." You're lodging a grievance against another employee about something which directly happened to you. If it happened to somebody else too then that's just additional evidence. It's another to listen to a shit stirrer like that talk shit about the manager, have no grounds on which to believe that it's true other than the word of the office shit stirrer, and then go confront the manager as if the accusation has any grounds. Especially if it's a serious accusation. You could harm your relationship with them, possibly harm their reputation, start shit with the co-worker you tattled on... and all for an as yet unfounded rumour. Not worth it.
Posts: 16588
04/20/2011 2:33 AM
Mistress Darcy wrote:I just realized I read that incorrectly. She IS untrustworthy and a shit stirrer? Girl, why give her any power at all then?
Posts: 7130
04/20/2011 2:42 AM
Posts: 6603
04/20/2011 6:25 AM
Mrs. Ryan Gosling
Posts: 4355
04/20/2011 9:24 AM
FallenAngelFound wrote:Darcy: I don't consider being called a racist a "stupid rumor". It's not like Mary said he slept with someone at the company Christmas party. Or that he has a drinking problem. Being labeled a "racist" can have drastic impacts on his career down the line, no matter what line of work they're in. I don't want every "random rumor" about me repeated to me, but if someone at WORK was telling even ONE person I was a racist, I would DEFINITELY want to know that. Wouldn't you?!
Posts: 4301
04/20/2011 10:28 AM
04/20/2011 10:33 AM
Share This Link