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Posts: 5328
12/06/2010 2:15 PM
Posts: 4934
NoRegRets4JuJu wrote: and if you were in my situation, where you love the guy, but don't want to be/feel used, what would you do? (I'm not being condesending in any way, I geniunely want outside advice)
Posts: 1267
12/06/2010 2:19 PM
Lo Timbalake wrote: NoRegRets4JuJu wrote: God, I sound like such a huge clueless basketcase, which I really am not. I'm a pretty independent person but since I've been here (especially since I'm seperated from my family and friends by distance) it doesn't seem like it. I apperciate the feedback though, I needed to get this all out I'm sorry, in what way are you independent? It seems to me you are completely dependent on your parents and are looking for some way to assert yourself, but instead of taking responsibility for yourself you're lording it over your loser boyfriend.How about... move back to where you're from, get a job, dump the moron and make some better choices? Because you're moving down a slippery slope and need to deal with the real issue; by taking control of your life, you might actually learn to respect yourself and end up with a worthwhile guy.
NoRegRets4JuJu wrote: God, I sound like such a huge clueless basketcase, which I really am not. I'm a pretty independent person but since I've been here (especially since I'm seperated from my family and friends by distance) it doesn't seem like it. I apperciate the feedback though, I needed to get this all out
Posts: 8162
12/06/2010 2:23 PM
Posts: 13776
NoRegRets4JuJu wrote:Lo Timbalake wrote: I'm sorry, in what way are you independent? It seems to me you are completely dependent on your parents and are looking for some way to assert yourself, but instead of taking responsibility for yourself you're lording it over your loser boyfriend.How about... move back to where you're from, get a job, dump the moron and make some better choices? Because you're moving down a slippery slope and need to deal with the real issue; by taking control of your life, you might actually learn to respect yourself and end up with a worthwhile guy. My parents wanted me to get a higher education. I'm fourtunate enough to come from a family that is well off, and they wanted to pay for my school and concentrate on getting a doctorate (which I am working towards). I go home in the summer and I work full time, whatever money I make I save and use it for when I go back to school so I can pay for some stuff like groceries, textbooks and gas so my parents aren't paying for EVERYTHING.
Lo Timbalake wrote: I'm sorry, in what way are you independent? It seems to me you are completely dependent on your parents and are looking for some way to assert yourself, but instead of taking responsibility for yourself you're lording it over your loser boyfriend.How about... move back to where you're from, get a job, dump the moron and make some better choices? Because you're moving down a slippery slope and need to deal with the real issue; by taking control of your life, you might actually learn to respect yourself and end up with a worthwhile guy.
12/06/2010 2:27 PM
thread killer 00 wrote: NoRegRets4JuJu wrote: and if you were in my situation, where you love the guy, but don't want to be/feel used, what would you do? (I'm not being condesending in any way, I geniunely want outside advice) Does he love you? That's what you need to ask yourself. If I were in your situation, I would sit him down and talk to him. Explain that things aren't 50/50, and things need to change. He needs to get another key, no excuses. He can drive himself to school, or take a cab, or walk, or get a ride with someone else. Stand up for yourself, because you deserve better.
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12/06/2010 2:29 PM
Posts: 479
12/06/2010 2:31 PM
NoRegRets4JuJu wrote: Basically, how do I stop doing everything for him to the point where I am getting resentful, yet still do things that might be just part of a healthy relationship.
Basically, how do I stop doing everything for him to the point where I am getting resentful, yet still do things that might be just part of a healthy relationship.
Posts: 7610
12/06/2010 2:41 PM
Flipsnippy wrote: NoRegRets4JuJu wrote: Basically, how do I stop doing everything for him to the point where I am getting resentful, yet still do things that might be just part of a healthy relationship. Here's a place to start the ball rolling:Let him go out with his friends tonight and party it up like crazy. Don't give him a curfew. When he shows up at the door at 4 in the morning - you DO NOT LET HIM IN! Doesn't matter if you are sleeping or not. Do not let him in. He needs to take responsibility for things. 4 am will be a perfect time for him to start learning exactly why it's important for him to pay the $50 fee for the access card. If he doesn't pay for the card then you need to make sure that you don't inconvenience yourself to his benefit any longer. How well/long did you know this guy before you moved in together?
12/06/2010 2:46 PM
12/06/2010 2:50 PM
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12/06/2010 2:55 PM
12/06/2010 2:56 PM
Posts: 122873
12/06/2010 2:59 PM
JC Fanatic '03, '05 Most Loyal *NSYNC Fan '06 Most Outspoken '07 Most Likely To Reply '08 Most Opinionated '09
NoRegRets4JuJu wrote:i've been talking to him in the midsts of this post. He says that he knows he doesn't have much to offer right now, he's in a hole and it's going to just take a little time to get his car fixes and get back to a good standing on the money situation. He just needs my help/support while he's down that all. He knows it's not 50/50. In the meantime, how do I find the balance between supporting/helping him while trying to be 50/50.
12/06/2010 3:09 PM
12/06/2010 3:19 PM
12/06/2010 3:24 PM
Posts: 3508
12/06/2010 3:30 PM
A
NoRegRets4JuJu wrote:Sure feels like it with that response. I told him I'm going to support/help him emotionally because I love him and I want to see him succeed. I just can't keep supporting him the way a parent does, like driving him back and forth, giving him the car, lending him money, because it starts to make me become a parent instead of a girlfriend, which is what is happening. I think that's a valid statement to make?
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