About 3 years ago, my uncle died. The entire time i've known her, i thought she was this independent woman(she's a doc) but turns out,she's not. When my uncle died, she didn't even know what bills they were paying. He absolutely babied her which is sad.
Anyway, my father is her older brother and the only living sibling left. He has taken care of her since she was a child. My aunt has basically gone from being taken care of by her parents and brother to her first husband to living with her son along with her parents and then her 2nd husband, my uncle. So basically, for the first time in her life, she is living alone. Boy, turns out she's incredibly needy and whacko when left to her own devices.
My aunt lives 3 hours away and has two other homes far from us. Before my uncle died, my dad would drive to help them with anything. When my uncle died, we were devastated and of course, my father continued to help. It wasn't so bad in the bginning, he'd be gone just a few days then he'd be here with my mom the rest of the time. Well, that eventually became every week. Sometimes, it would just be one day in 2 weeks that we'd see him.
Now, my mom was understanding at first but then it was becoming an issue. I mean, i'm sure this was not how she thought the laters years of her marriage was going to be. Why is she alone when her husband is still alive,right? It became a bigger issue when my sis and i then started working nights and she'd be all alone with a tiny dachshund whereas my aunt has 3 huge golden retriever dogs who can rip you to shreds.
My bigger issue was with her only son.The responsibilities that my cousin should be doing, my father was doing. I was more pissed that he wasn't manning up. Well, anyway, my dad told my aunt what i thought about my cousin and she told him. He then apologized to my Dad and promised to do better and he has been visiting his mom more.
So, she and i talked about something last week and she brought up how she thought my cous was doing better and i told her that that was good because for awhile there, i was starting to resent him. The conversation was light-hearted and i was being honest and mentioned how back then, we were hardly seeing my father. Now, frank conversations have never been an issue with her but this time, she casually told me that this was reminding her of being in the middle again (between her son and daughter-in-law) and that i was "hurting her feelings" and hung up on me.
Well, i spoke with my dad and told him if she was expecting an apology, there wasn't one coming because i didn't think i was wrong nor do i apologize for telling the truth. I actually thought we were having an adult, honest conversation. My aunt has always had a mouth on her, very critical of others(told my sister she looked "cheap" because of her hair). Turns out she can launch insults but can't handle the smallest critcisms volleyed to her.
Now this aunt is wealthy and has been helpful to my family but she constantly brings up "her kindness". That's why i have stopped coming to her for anything many, many years ago. It's like she catalogues everything. I used to live with another aunt(her sister) who was the exact opposite and gave freely and boy, they sure had a competitive thing going between them but that's for another day,
The letter arrived today and said pretty much that if my cous won't or can't, who would be taking care of her? That i wouldn't and haven't and that the only one that would would take care of her would be my father. Frankly, i already told my dad a long time ago that i wouldn't. First, she has a son whose feet i shouldn't be stepping on, he gets first dibs. And second, why is she expecting to be taken care of? She's a grown-ass woman with money who is not incapacitated physically or mentally. She is sooo used to be taken care of, she assumes that we should. She does not need to be taken care of, she needs to take care of HERSELF. It's one thing if she's handicapped or senile, but good lord, she's a working doctor! God, who knew she'd be sooo needy?
Oh, then she mentions all the help she has done through the years and calls into guestion how her love is returned. Then she says i begrudge my father's help. I don't mind my father helping. I'm the oldest child, i help my sibs ALL the time. She still sees my dad as her rescuer, her big brother. Well, her big brother is not healthy, has uncontrolled hypertension and has a heart condition. She lives in a small, frickin' town and driving there, before you even see civilization, that's more than 2 hours of land without a hospital in sight. She doesn't get how my father's time should not be dominated by her needs and wants. He is NOT her husband. She should learn how to share and frankly, have a life. Her letter ended with her saying how she thought we loved her back and that she feels betrayed and that i should be ashamed.
Sorry, i know this is damn long but frick, what a drama queen! I haven't shown my parents the letter. I am looking for a good time,
. I started writing a long letter(damn woman doesn't email or text!) but then shortened it to "I have read your letter. We should discuss this with your therapist". You see, my cous-in-law wrote her a letter criticizing her early this year and my aunt kept it and showed it to anyone that cared. No way am i joining that circus,
. She really loves the oh-poor-me act. How do you think i should proceed? I don't think i was in the wrong but then again, maybe an outsider has a better view. Too bad she's a relative, i can't just say adios,
. Thanks for letting me vent!
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UPDATE:And the crazy continues....
FYI, i decided not to respond. I've figured she had her say, i had my say. She is not going to change her mind, neither will i. She can continue being crazy without me.
. That's one christmas present i WON'T have to think about, 
Anyway, my sister called me last last night and told me that she had an argument with my aunt. My aunt was needing someone to watch her dog and my sister had volunteered to help months ago. This comes up yesterday and apparently, my aunt thought she was rude and cold-hearted when they had talked because apparently, my sister did not bother asking how she is,
. OMG!!! You know, my sister's husband has MS and is now having to use a wheelchair and never has she even asked how he is and btw, she's a doctor, she very well knows it's a progressive disease. Anyway, she said she was done with my father's kids. She complained about my brother and about me and my sister had the sense to tell her that whatever is between myself, my brother and her, that's between us. C-R-A-Z-Y. Her life is sooo empty and sad, she's nitpicking at everything and sees everything as an offense against her. My Dad though is caught in the middle. He loves us but he loves her too and again, she is his last sibling alive and last connection to the past.
The year has not ended yet and she has fought with her son, daughter-in-law, housekeeper, myself and now, my sister. Once again, she's the common denominator. There's still a few weeks left, she still has time to find another person to imagine offending her. C-R-A-Z-Y.
Anyway, my father is her older brother and the only living sibling left. He has taken care of her since she was a child. My aunt has basically gone from being taken care of by her parents and brother to her first husband to living with her son along with her parents and then her 2nd husband, my uncle. So basically, for the first time in her life, she is living alone. Boy, turns out she's incredibly needy and whacko when left to her own devices.
My aunt lives 3 hours away and has two other homes far from us. Before my uncle died, my dad would drive to help them with anything. When my uncle died, we were devastated and of course, my father continued to help. It wasn't so bad in the bginning, he'd be gone just a few days then he'd be here with my mom the rest of the time. Well, that eventually became every week. Sometimes, it would just be one day in 2 weeks that we'd see him.
Now, my mom was understanding at first but then it was becoming an issue. I mean, i'm sure this was not how she thought the laters years of her marriage was going to be. Why is she alone when her husband is still alive,right? It became a bigger issue when my sis and i then started working nights and she'd be all alone with a tiny dachshund whereas my aunt has 3 huge golden retriever dogs who can rip you to shreds.
My bigger issue was with her only son.The responsibilities that my cousin should be doing, my father was doing. I was more pissed that he wasn't manning up. Well, anyway, my dad told my aunt what i thought about my cousin and she told him. He then apologized to my Dad and promised to do better and he has been visiting his mom more.
So, she and i talked about something last week and she brought up how she thought my cous was doing better and i told her that that was good because for awhile there, i was starting to resent him. The conversation was light-hearted and i was being honest and mentioned how back then, we were hardly seeing my father. Now, frank conversations have never been an issue with her but this time, she casually told me that this was reminding her of being in the middle again (between her son and daughter-in-law) and that i was "hurting her feelings" and hung up on me.
Well, i spoke with my dad and told him if she was expecting an apology, there wasn't one coming because i didn't think i was wrong nor do i apologize for telling the truth. I actually thought we were having an adult, honest conversation. My aunt has always had a mouth on her, very critical of others(told my sister she looked "cheap" because of her hair). Turns out she can launch insults but can't handle the smallest critcisms volleyed to her.
Now this aunt is wealthy and has been helpful to my family but she constantly brings up "her kindness". That's why i have stopped coming to her for anything many, many years ago. It's like she catalogues everything. I used to live with another aunt(her sister) who was the exact opposite and gave freely and boy, they sure had a competitive thing going between them but that's for another day,
The letter arrived today and said pretty much that if my cous won't or can't, who would be taking care of her? That i wouldn't and haven't and that the only one that would would take care of her would be my father. Frankly, i already told my dad a long time ago that i wouldn't. First, she has a son whose feet i shouldn't be stepping on, he gets first dibs. And second, why is she expecting to be taken care of? She's a grown-ass woman with money who is not incapacitated physically or mentally. She is sooo used to be taken care of, she assumes that we should. She does not need to be taken care of, she needs to take care of HERSELF. It's one thing if she's handicapped or senile, but good lord, she's a working doctor! God, who knew she'd be sooo needy?
Oh, then she mentions all the help she has done through the years and calls into guestion how her love is returned. Then she says i begrudge my father's help. I don't mind my father helping. I'm the oldest child, i help my sibs ALL the time. She still sees my dad as her rescuer, her big brother. Well, her big brother is not healthy, has uncontrolled hypertension and has a heart condition. She lives in a small, frickin' town and driving there, before you even see civilization, that's more than 2 hours of land without a hospital in sight. She doesn't get how my father's time should not be dominated by her needs and wants. He is NOT her husband. She should learn how to share and frankly, have a life. Her letter ended with her saying how she thought we loved her back and that she feels betrayed and that i should be ashamed.
Sorry, i know this is damn long but frick, what a drama queen! I haven't shown my parents the letter. I am looking for a good time,
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UPDATE:And the crazy continues....
FYI, i decided not to respond. I've figured she had her say, i had my say. She is not going to change her mind, neither will i. She can continue being crazy without me.
Anyway, my sister called me last last night and told me that she had an argument with my aunt. My aunt was needing someone to watch her dog and my sister had volunteered to help months ago. This comes up yesterday and apparently, my aunt thought she was rude and cold-hearted when they had talked because apparently, my sister did not bother asking how she is,
The year has not ended yet and she has fought with her son, daughter-in-law, housekeeper, myself and now, my sister. Once again, she's the common denominator. There's still a few weeks left, she still has time to find another person to imagine offending her. C-R-A-Z-Y.
