Disenchanted Lullaby - Prologue
We met when I was seventeen, almost eighteen. God, that was so long ago, I can’t believe how naive and stupid I was back then. It’s quite embarrassing really. I was at that stage where I thought it was really cool to go against everything everyone expected of me, which was the reason I was at that awful club in the first place.
My father and step-mom number two were, of course, on holiday. Italy I think…somewhere in Europe anyways, so I offloaded my little brother Brandon on the neighbours, ‘borrowed’ Erika’s denim cat suit and went to the club that had just opened downtown. Of course I spiced my outfit up a little by unzipping it down to my waist and wearing a black diamante studded bra underneath it. Kinda sl*ttty but…what the hell, I was seventeen, and my extra rolls of fat were cleverly hidden, so everything was cool.
The music sucked and I can’t count the number of paralytic guys who tried to hit on us, but we were breaking the rules and it felt good. We didn’t have a problem getting in; I just stuck my chest out and sauntered on by, smiling until my face hurt. Hours of trying to look interested while listening to my dad’s boring clients must have paid off, because my sh*t eating grin was second to none.
Erika and I danced a little, drank a little, and she smoked a little. There was no way I was into that sh*t. The freakin’ packet says “Smoking kills”, who in their right mind buys them anyways? Erika I guess, but she always was a dumb blonde.
We were dancing to some horrible dance song and generally having a good time when I noticed this beautiful man looking at Erika. She always did get the best guys; I got the not-so-cute-but-a-nice-guy best friend. So we were all dancing around and he was totally laying on the charm; smiling and watching her every move. The song changed to a ballad and I was leaving them alone to do whatever it was they were gona do and get this…he grabbed my arm!
“Hey, don’t leave, dance with me.”
So I nodded and he put his hands on my hips, pulling me close but not so close that we looked like we were doing anything intimate. Just a cute little slow dance.
“I’m Justin,” He said by way of introduction.
“Beth,” I replied.
He laughed that sexy laugh and his nose crinkled up, “It’s cute.”
“So Justin…”I looked up at him, “What do you…Jesus,” That’s when it hit me. Twinkley blue eyes, Colgate white teeth, buzzed head…
Justin freakin’ Timberlake.
Scared is the only word I can use to describe his expression. Petrified actually, that’d be a good one.
“You’re Justin Timberlake,” I realise now that he was probably waiting for me to freak out and yell it to the whole club, though they probably would have been smart enough to notice already.
He nodded slowly and I rolled my eyes, “I should’ve recognised you, you’re face is on everything.”
He looked puzzled, “Not a fan huh?”
“Kinda…some of your stuff…” I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but I wasn’t gona lie either.
“That’s cool, you don’t have to pretend.”
I still don’t know why he thought I was older than seventeen. I think it’s because for our first few dates I dressed up, and I guess I was a little more developed than most girls my age. It was cool to be able to get into clubs easily but I knew I’d be cursing it when I was thirty and my major parts were starting to sag prematurely.
Anyways, the song ended and I was already looking for Erika who had conveniently sloped off somewhere. Justin however had other ideas; he dragged me to the bar, bought me some kind of gross drink and escorted me to a table.
All his scary friends were there, but they shut up when he introduced me. JC…who by the way…is really hot for an old guy…moved up so I could sit in between him and Justin.
I sipped on my drink and listened nonchalantly to the conversation they were having, occasionally putting in my two cents worth and guffawing at Justin. As cute as he was, he had this stupid idea that he was such a pimp. I can see how he would think that, I mean, girls threw themselves at him on an hourly basis, but it was his fault for letting it get to his head.
An hour later I would say I was sufficiently tipsy and ready to leave, but I still couldn’t find Erika so I was stuck with the boy wonder and his loyal followers.
“How are you getting home?” Justin enquired.
“I need to find my friend.”
“You don’t see her?”
I’d been scanning the club all night and I hadn’t caught a glimpse of her. I knew she’d probably scored with someone and left me to fend for myself, skanky wh*re.
“I can take you.”
I shook my head, “It’s alright, I’m getting a cab.”
“Seriously, I have an escort and everything, I’ll take you.”
“I really don’t think…”
He rolled his eyes, “I’m not asking you back to my house or anything Beth, I’m just gona give you a ride home.”
Against my better judgment I agreed, letting him grab my hand and help me through the crowd.
“Beth this is my bodyguard, Lonnie. Lon this is Beth, we’re giving her a ride home.”
Now this guy I was scared of. He looked like he could break me in half if he blew on me, so I was extra nice to him when I told him my address and sincerely thanked him for the ride.
I was just climbing out of the car when Justin, ever the kiss-a*s, hopped out his side and came round to help me, before walking me to the door.
He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down at me, “So I was wondering if I could have your number.”
“For what?” I asked, knowing full well what he wanted it for.
“So I can call you and maybe we could go out some time.”
It was then that I realised he still didn’t know I was only seventeen. I wasn’t sure if it would be a problem, he was only four years older than I was, but I wasn’t legal for couple of months so I guessed it might present a problem. What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him though, so he waited on the porch while I programmed my number into his phone.
As I handed it to him he was looking down at me, all misty eyed and sexy. Before I knew it his lips were on mine and his hands were on my a*s. I’m sure his neck was killing him when we were finished but I was breathless and too turned on to care. I smiled slightly as he wished me goodnight and skipped back to the car, grinning like an a*shole
Mother of God, could he kiss. I’m guessing being such a himbo gave him a lot of practice, I’m not criticising it though. Maybe it was because I’d never kissed anyone over the age of nineteen before, but jumpin’ Jesus did it feel good.
The next three days were spent listening to Erika’s *NSYNC CDs and reading up on Justin on the Internet. He hadn’t called me, but if he did I thought it necessary to have a sufficient knowledge of him so as not to completely embarrass myself by asking him when he and Otown would be dropping their next record.
Brandon and I were playing with his hot wheels track when my cell rang. Digging around in my satchel I finally found it and flipped it open, “Hello?”
“Hey is this Beth?”
“Yeah…” I knew it was a guy’s voice but I didn’t recognise it. I was always taught never to say my name over the phone unless I knew who it was, but since when did I listen to my parents?
“Hi, this is Justin Timberlake…from the club the other night…”
Like there’s another Justin worth worrying about.
“Oh hey,” I tried my best to sound nonchalant, but inside I was freaking out and mentally taking note of every little detail of the conversation. Erika is nosy as hell and I knew she’d be pumping me for info.
“How are you doing?” He asked.
“I’m good, just home from school, you?” Damn my big mouth, he’d know my age for sure now.
“I’ve been out of town for a few days actually, so I’m just getting the chance to call. What are you studying at college?”
College…now why didn’t I think of that? “Uh…Politics…”
There was a horrible awkward silence and I was trying desperately to think of something to say other than, “It’s a nice day…” But luckily, he saved me the trouble.
“It’s hot out huh?”
I giggled, “I thought you superstars were supposed to be able to make conversation without reverting to the climate.”
I heard him laugh down the line, “Personally I blame you for making me tongue tied.”
God help me I was blushing, but we were flirting and I was enjoying it, “Speaking of tongue-tied,” I began, suddenly feeling confident, “When are you taking me out again?”
“Whenever you want,” He replied.
I got a weird feeling in my stomach that would become familiar to me as our relationship progressed, “I’m free Friday night.”
“Friday night it is then, I’ll pick you up around 8.30?”
I was grinning like a fool and mentally planning my outfit as he spoke, “What’s the dress code?”
“Dress up,” He said, “My friend’s having a party.”
Parties were always a good prospect, especially when you had a hot guy as entertainment, “Ok then, I’ll see you Friday night.”
Disenchanted Lullaby - Chapter One
Erika had reluctantly agreed to baby-sit Brandon while I went out with Justin. My dad and his wife weren’t back for another week so he was pretty much my responsibility until then. As much as she protested, I knew Erika loved looking after him. He’s cute as hell, just like his sister. :0)
I dressed up but was a little more conservative than the night I had first met him. I bought a really cute white skirt to wear with Erika’s gold, backless butterfly top and matching sandals. We figured that summer-chic was the way to go because apparently the party was by a poolside or something. I could tell she was completely green with jealousy; she hadn’t been that envious since I got the Barbie camper van and she got the crappy horse and carriage. I loved every second of it.
We waxed, painted, primped and plucked until the doorbell rang precisely at 8.30pm. Justin has this weird obsession with being on time. Sometimes it was irritating, especially when he insisted on hogging the bathroom, but that night I thought it was cute.
Brandon charged to the door before I could and flung it open, smiling toothlessly at Justin, who looked petrified. I know now that he thought he was my son, but we cleared that one up quickly.
He looked unbelievably sexy, as per usual. Apparently his idea of ‘dressing up’ was a little different to everyone else’s. He was wearing a black suit with a black Harley Davidson t-shirt underneath and that blindingly flashy “JRT” necklace that he loved to flaunt.
Anyways, he grabbed my hand, and Erika’s eyes almost popped out of her head, as did mine, but I managed to calm down long enough to let him lead me out to his ridiculously over expensive car.
I was a little surprised to see that Lonnie wasn’t with him; actually I know now that it was really strange for him to be unaccompanied but I think he wanted it to be more like a normal date.
We made chit chat during the journey to the WEG compound where Justin’s manager was having one of his famous parties. Most of our conversation was teasing: him laughing at my love of shoes, and me accusing him of being a self-centred diva. It was a lot of fun, being kind of attracted to each other and I guess together in a way, without all the complications of a proper steady relationship.
I was a little uneasy at the number of cars that filled the lot at the side of the compound. It was more like a huge mansion actually, all lit up with music blaring so loud that we could hear it from where we parked, almost at the furthest point of the lot.
Again, he grabbed my hand and we walked briskly into the house. Actually, he walked, I kind of scurried, taking about ten steps for every one of his.
I don’t exaggerate when I say that the whole room turned to watch him when we entered. He seemed unfazed by it all but I was freaking out. I didn’t know anyone there, I barely even knew him. The place was absolutely full of beautiful girls and handsome guys. Some of them I recognised from TV, movies and music. I was wishing I had brought my autograph book when Christina Aguilera strolled past, waving casually at Justin. Looking back, I don’t know how they could act so cool towards each other when they had such a history. Justin told me that sometimes she’d just call him up looking for sex. To me it’s weird how they could do that, but their world was completely different to ours and it’s difficult to understand just how f*cked up in the head it could make you.
We spent a lot of time talking to Justin’s manager, Johnny Wright, and other important business-type people. Their conversation was way over my head but it was just fun to sit with his arm around me, trying to make me feel included.
We tried to dance for a while but these girls kept interrupting and asking if they could cut in. I just went to the bathroom, got a drink, or danced with someone else, but I think Justin could tell I was getting annoyed.
He finally found me at the bar, drinking up a storm with Lance.
“You wana come outside?” Justin questioned, “You too Lance?”
We both answered in the affirmative and followed him through the house to the enormous backyard. The whole place was lit up with fairy lights and there were a few people by the pool. Mostly it was quiet as I let Justin pull me along into a @#%$ of trees, “Where in the Lord’s name are we going?” I asked quietly.
“Relax,” He said, “Everyone’s down at the stand.”
I was about to ask who ‘everyone’ was, and what ‘stand’ he was talking about when we came into view of a large wooden gazebo which was currently housing the other members of *NSYNC along with their various partners and some close friends.
There was a weird smell in the air and they all appeared to be smoking. How naive I was.
Justin sat on one of the steps and pulled me down to sit between his knees as Joey passed him what I thought was your average cigarette.
“You smoke?” I asked, “Gross.”
He laughed softly in my ear, “You want a drag?”
I shook my head, “No thanks, my lungs will remain tar free.”
He laughed again, “There’s no tar in this. Here,” He held it in front of my mouth, “Try it.”
I wasn’t as innocent as many seventeen year olds but I was still oblivious to what he was offering to me, until I saw one of the other guys rolling one up, “Oh my God!” I hissed, “I’m not smoking that, that’s worse than tobacco!”
“It’ll make you feel good,” I could feel him breathing on my neck when he laughed seductively in my ear again, “and it’s not worse than tobacco because it’s not addictive.”
“Not addictive my a*s," I spat, “Did you ever hear of gate-way drugs?”
“Come on…you sound like you smoke forty a day…”
I really hated him then, “F*ck you.”
My voice has always had a hoarse kind of tone to it and it’s bad enough being conscious of it without other people pointing it out.
He sighed, “You’re really not into this huh?”
“No,” I said definitely, “Can you call me a cab? I want to go home.”
“No wait,” He handed his spliff to Joey, “I won’t smoke any more. Come on inside and we can dance or something.”
“I’d rather leave,” I stood, determined to get out of there with or without his help.
“Then I’ll take you.”
“Drunk and high?” I rolled my eyes, “I don’t think so.”
I started to make my way through those scary-a*s woods and almost peed my pants when I felt arms go about my waist, “I’m sorry.”
Justin. Who’da thunk it?
“What are you sorry for? You didn’t do anything wrong except break a few of my moral codes, but you have your own life. Go on back, I’ll be fine.”
“I’m sure you will but I still feel bad for putting you in that situation. I wanted you to have fun and now I f*cked it up.”
“Don’t sweat it,” I tried to smile at him when we finally got out of the trees and to the poolside, “I had fun. Thanks for a great night.”
I waved slightly before attempting to walk away but he stood in front of me to block my path.
That was the first time that I heard the patented Timberlake whine.
This sound was completely unlike any other. A high pitched kind of throaty noise that he thought was irresistible when in actual fact it was unbelievably annoying.
“Pleeeeease,” He pouted.
I crossed my arms and looked him up and down, playing the stubborn card for all it was worth, but I couldn’t help it, I went against everything I stood for and caved, “Fine,” I sighed, like I was doing him a favour, “But I’m not getting stoned with you.”
He grinned, “I knew you’d change your mind.”
It’s unbelievable the amount of people who tried to get Justin high that night. It was his manager’s party for Christ sakes. You would think that it would be kind of reserved, but no, they were all stoned and out of it by the time midnight rolled around. That is, everyone except Justin and I. I was surprised at how unaffected he was, I was expecting him to be a little spacey but if I remember correctly he only had a few drags and he could hold his alcohol well.
We danced and he apologised some more before they started winding down for the night. I hated to admit it but I was having fun. I had hoped to forget about him because well…I thought he was a dope fiend, but he was slowly reeling me in.
I insisted he get a guard to drive us home (check me out with the assertiveness) because we were both kinda drunk and I don’t think I wasn’t wise enough to be able to tell if he was high or not. He said he wasn’t ready to go yet and that he had something he wanted to show me before we left. So, being your typical dumb-a*s brunette I followed him outside and down to that stupid stand.
“I already told you I didn’t want to…” I began before his lips crashed onto mine. Soon I was sitting wrapped in his arms, making out like the world depended on it. Maybe it was the thrill of being with someone older, or maybe it was the alcohol…hell, it was because he was fine, and I couldn’t get enough of him. He was always very intimate but not in a gropey kind of perverted way.
I’d say we were goin’ at it for a good half an hour and I was freezing but I didn’t care, it was a good excuse to get closer to him for warmth. I buried my face in his shoulder when Lonnie interrupted us, “I looked everywhere for you man, Johnny’s closing up for the night.”
He pulled me to my feet and wrapped an arm tightly around me, “Sorry,” He whispered breathily in my ear.
I smiled at him, “For what?”
“For not doing that sooner.”
Disenchanted Lullaby - Chapter Two
John, another one of Justin’s guards, left us home that night and waited patiently for us to stop kissing on my porch. Erika, nosy tramp that she is, decided she was bored watching through the window and interrupted us. He tried to play it cool but I could tell Justin was embarrassed. Erika said she was shocked he didn’t try to spend the night, and I think I was too. I wouldn’t have let him anyway, but from what I heard he was whorin’ himself all over the show.
He just gave me another quick kiss and promised to call, but I didn’t get my hopes up. It’s cliché to say it, but he was Justin Timberlake, what would he want with little old me?
Another date, apparently.
We went to a movie on that Sunday afternoon to see ‘Down To You”. Justin made sure I knew what a sacrifice it was for him to watch a ‘chick flick’ but it didn’t matter, we made out for most of it anyway.
It was really weird because we had to bring Lonnie with us and people were staring. I recognised some students from my school but thank God they didn’t come over because my cover would have been completely blown.
That movie progressed to dinner, and from there we arranged another date for the next weekend. I tried not to see him during the week because of school. One time he did offer to help me with my “assignment” when in fact it was my math homework. How good that would have looked. I declined his offer, knowing that I wouldn’t get any work done if he tried to help anyway.
As I was saying, we were going to have another date. This time we were going to Joey’s girlfriend, Kelly’s birthday party. Justin said they’d probably be getting stoned again but he wouldn’t if I didn’t want him to.
“You can do what you want, I’m not your mother.”
“Thank God for that,” He snickered, “Seriously though, I won’t.”
“I’m not stopping you,” I insisted, even though I was kinda scared of people when they were high.
“I know that, but it makes you uncomfortable so I won’t,” He said. I hated how he knew what I was thinking. It was cute sometimes but it got to the point where you wanted to be able to think about stuff without the whole world knowing-y’know?
That was the first night I got a glimpse of what it was actually like to be him. I mean, I had seen him being schmoozed before but this was ridiculous. It was supposed to be a private party but there were all these half-naked girls there, throwing themselves at him. Those who weren’t too far up his a*s to function were offering him all kinds of drugs and the rest were taking pictures and asking questions.
It was supposed to be a relaxing night out but it turned into some kind of press conference. E! News was there for cryin’ out loud. I could tell that by the end of the night Justin was exhausted and quite cranky. The Timberlake whine put in several appearances and it was obvious that he was dying for a joint. He didn’t cave though, he stayed with me all night, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to handle being alone with a bunch of strangers, even though I had made a few friends. I knew Lance was cool from Johnny’s party, and JC’s girlfriend, Aimee, didn’t like him getting high either so I bonded with her over that.
I wasn’t usually into PDAs but with Justin it was different, who was I to pass up a lip lock with someone that fine? I was sitting on his lap in a dark corner that we had discovered earlier, his lips attached to my neck, when BJ Spears appeared.
I know I’m easily amused but it always struck me as funny how her initials are both BJ and BS. Don’t look at me like that; Erika and Justin both thought it was kinda funny too.
Short of physically pulling me off his lap, she couldn’t have been more obvious, “Justin! Baby, you wana dance?”
Ever subtle, Justin replied, “No thanks Brit, I’m kinda in the middle of something here.”
She pouted and I grinned. I would’ve been annoyed if he had just ditched me, but it’s not like we were committed or anything. He still had his own free will.
Needless to say the merriment continued well into the night. The only sticky point was when I asked him to leave me down the block from my house so daddy wouldn’t hear me sneaking in. He thought it was weird how protective my parents were of me even though I was an adult, so I just told him something along the lines of “It’s their house and their rules”. Lying to him was becoming increasingly hard but a few fibs never hurt anyone. Or so I thought.
“Oh come on! It’ll be fun!”
“I can’t Justin, I have school.”
“One day Beth - just one day!” He insisted, “You’re a student…you don’t study anyways.”
“This from you who sits on his a*s all day doing nothing,” I sighed, “I can’t miss class, Justin, end of story.”
A bunch of his friends were going to the beach that Thursday. They had found somewhere that was relatively quiet, and he was dying to go because most of the kids would be in school and he could have fun without being bothered. The thing was, he wanted me to go too.
I really wanted to, don’t get me wrong, it’s just that if my dad had found out I was skipping class he’d go crazy. Justin thought I was at college so I wouldn’t have to explain my absence or anything, but in our school if you were sick you had to bring a note from your parents the next day to explain why you were off. It was something to do with combating truancy and it was stupid.
“You can catch up, Beth, pleeeease,” He whined.
“No Justin, you’ll be with your friends anyway, I’d be out of place.”
“Don’t be stupid B, if I thought you would be out of place I wouldn’t ask you to go. It’ll be fun…”
“Stop calling me B,” I snapped, “I can’t go to the f*cking beach so would you just shut your mouth and give up?” I really wanted to go and him going on about how fun it would be was starting to irritate me.
“Sorry, Beth,” He mocked, “Sue me for wanting to spend some time with you!”
The b*stard knew he had me with that one, and besides, I was quite the expert at forging my father’s signature.
I sighed, “What time?”
“Wooo!” Justin yelled, rather loudly in my ear.
I shrugged off the arm he had round my waist and glared at him, “Must you?”
He grinned, “I must.”
I shot him a dirty look and grabbed my chair from his friend Trace, “Thanks.”
When I had deposited my bag, sunscreen and various other crap on the sand beside a girl who I had heard was called Lauren, I pulled off my tank top and shorts and settled into my seat, sliding on my sunglasses and opening my book.
“You’re gona burn,” I saw his shadow blocking out my sun.
“You’re a pain but you’re no window Justin,” I spouted one of my father’s many overused jokes.
“You need sunscreen or you’re gona burn,” He restated.
“I put some on before we left this morning, I’m fine,” I sighed.
“Maybe you could use some more,” He persisted.
“If this is your way of getting to touch me it won’t work.”
“Damn, that’s what I was going for,” He laughed and held up a bottle of factor thirty, “How about you put this on me?”
“Sit,” I commanded as he settled himself on the sand, between my knees. I squirted the white lotion onto my hands and carefully began to rub it into his neck and shoulders.
He rolled his head around and groaned, “Lower.”
He did as I said so I could work the cream into his back. He was buff. Seriously, I thought he was airbrushed when I saw him in magazines and stuff, but he really had the body of a Greek God. As Erika always said, “Dude’s Hott!”
He was pretty much finished, but I liked massaging him so I kept on working on his shoulders as he rested his head back onto my knees. I noted the strange look that Lauren was giving us, and quickly patted his upper arms, “All done.”
He stood and gave me a confused glance, but thanked me and ran over to where the other guys were playing with a Frisbee or a ball or something…y’know…guy stuff…
So I calmed my breathing down to a normal rate and settled back in my seat with my book, all set to soak up some rays, even though I was a little annoyed that Justin had ditched me so soon. I was jolted from the storyline of my Maeve Binchy novel by a voice beside me, “So are you two together or something?”
I turned to face Lauren, “Sorry, what?”
“You and Justin,” She repeated, “Are you together?”
I shook my head, “No, we’re friends I guess.”
“You guess? You two looked pretty cosy earlier…and I’m sure I saw you kissing at that party…”
“You did,” I nodded, trying to hide my blush, “I mean…we’ve been on a few dates and stuff, that’s it though, nothing major.”
“Oh,” Was all she said.
We were both silent until I worked up the nerve to speak again, “Why did you want to know that?”
“I just don’t want to see him get hurt is all. He went through the ringer with Britney and he’s been finding solace with different women, sleeping around I guess, but if you can heal him by doing that, go ahead.”
If she was supposed to be his friend, the b*tch was doing a crappy job. I knew that Justin was no saint but she shouldn’t have been spreading his business to anyone who would listen. I imagined her as the “source close to Timberlake” from the gossip I’d read.
“I see,” I said, “Well, I’m sure he can look after himself.”
She didn’t get the chance to reply as Justin approached us. I wondered if he knew she was talking smack about him behind his back.
“You want to come get ice-cream?” He asked, standing above me.
“Sure,” Lauren piped up, bolting up from her chair and hooking her arm through his. I rolled my eyes behind my sunglasses as Justin looked from her to me apologetically.
“You coming Beth?”
“Na,” I replied, “I’m good; I’ll stay here.”
“You sure?” He was pushing for me to come, but if she wanted to be alone with him she could, who was I to stand in the way of ‘love’ or whatever the hell it was she felt for him?
“Positive,” I said nonchalantly, raising my book to show that the conversation was over. He sighed and she pulled him away in search of the ice cream he had promised. Little did she know, he had no intention of getting ice-cream with her, or me for that matter. I was later informed that he had found a conveniently shaded path away from the beach that had a large rock that was, and I quote, “Great for doin’ stuff.”
They returned about fifteen minutes later, laden with bottles of water and juice.
“No ice-cream huh?”
“Not that we could see,” He replied, “How about you come with me, Beth, and we can look for it.”
I shrugged, stood and tossed my novel onto the chair. He slid his arm around my shoulders and guided me away from his friends, “We need to specify which look means what,” He said quietly.
“I was giving you the, ‘please save me’ look and you didn’t even notice!”
I laughed, “You’re ridiculous, and did you know that she was ready to tell me all your dirty little secrets?”
Now it was his turn to be confused, “What?”
“She told me that you went through the ringer with Britney and apparently you’re sleeping around. She seems to think that I’m the next notch on your bedpost.”
“She’s always had a big mouth,” He sighed, “You’re not just another notch either,” He assured.
It was strange to hear him talking that way because we weren’t official or anything. It would be different if I was his girlfriend or we were actually sleeping together, but he had no need to assure me. I knew I wasn’t just another notch.
We came to a sandy path that I guessed was the place that was so, “Great for doin’ stuff.”
He stood so we were facing each other and looked down at me, smiling.
“What?” I asked, thinking that I probably had something on my face.
“You look really cute today,” He grinned.
I rolled my eyes, “Bull. sh*t."
“You do,” he insisted, poking my bare stomach.
“You look really cute today,” I imitated in the whiniest voice I could manage, “If you wana make out all you have to do is say so, I don’t need the flattery,” I had decided that being blunt was the only way to make him listen. I didn’t even blush that much, which was a first for me. I realised I was gradually becoming more comfortable with him, and with whatever kind of ‘relationship’ we had developed.
“Beth…” He began.
“What?” I asked agitatedly.
He stooped so his lips were mere millimetres from mine and whispered, “I want to make out.”
Summary: Have you ever wanted to read the diary of JT? Here's your chance...Justin is at a crossroads in his career when he meets Beth Mendell. Logic tells him that they can't be together, but since when did he listen to logic? This should be read along with 'Disenchanted Lullaby'.
Warning: Justin has a potty mouth and thinks about sex...a lot.
The Pop Singer's Fear Of The Pollen Count - Entry 1
F*cking hell, what a week! I haven’t had time to write or even sleep because Wade is bustin’ our a*ses in rehearsal and I’m about ready to punch the guy. I swear he gets some sick pleasure out of seeing us suffer. I can only feel sorry for Chris, because I’m ten years younger than him and I’m dying with this, f*ck knows how he’s still breathing.
The one thing that’s keeping me going though, is this sexy college chick I met at a club a couple of weeks ago. Her name’s Beth and she’s pretty cool…apart from the fact that she still lives with her parents…but I can deal with that because they’re never home, and it’s better than having to sneak through college dorms.
Anyways, at first I thought she’d just be like the rest: f*cked and forgotten, but she isn’t. As well as being fine I get the feeling she’s really smart and she’s easy to talk to. She’s totally not impressed by the star status and I guess…she knows her own mind, y’know? I thought she’d be into a one-night stand to begin with, but after talking to her for like ten minutes I knew she wouldn’t be down with that. I offered to give her a ride home and her face went all cute and shocked so I told her I was just giving her a ride home. I was pretty impressed with how fast I covered that one. Initially I thought she wasn’t interested, because when we were talking with everyone she rolled her eyes at the things I said that would usually impress girls. I still don’t understand how she wasn’t falling all over me…it usually works a charm, but not with her. I know she’s not like the rest of them though, she has this…I guess you could call it naivety and innocence about her, and God help me I shouldn’t be turned on by it but I am.
The thing is, I’m gona have to do the work with her, she won’t come running to me. In a weird way I like it because not many girls are like that, and she respects herself enough not to come begging to me. Sure she flirts like hell, but she’s not clingy or anything. She’s cool with just having some casual dates and seeing how things go, and she’s not all up in my face all the time. It’s more like I’m up in hers and sometimes I think it irritates her, but I don’t really care. She’s fun to hang out with, I get bored a lot and I like to make out with hot girls. The math’s not hard to do.
It’s so stupid just how into this girl I am. She’s like this tiny little firecracker (even with those big f*ckin’ moon boots she’s at least a foot smaller than I am) with like, morals and stuff. She’s totally opinionated, but at least she lets me give my views before she tells me I’m stupid and why I’m wrong…gotta respect that. We fight about it for a little while but it’s all good because them we make up and uh…make out…
She’s continuously surprising me. Like, I would never have had her pegged as a rocker or anything but she’s completely obsessed with Nirvana and spent the best part of an hour explaining to me about Kurt Cobain’s broken home and loveless childhood. Usually I would have been unbelievably bored but just watching her get all excited about stuff is cool with me, and God she has the sexiest voice I’ve ever heard. It’s kinda hoarse but in this really erotic way. She was totally born to be a DJ, as much as she’d tell you to f*ck off if you mentioned anything about how she sounds. JC figured it was because she’s a big smoker, but she doesn’t touch anything like that. She drinks and stuff, but she freaked out when I offered her a drag of my joint. It’s weird how she didn’t just smoke it anyway to save face. She stood up for herself, and even though she claims she doesn’t care what I do, I know she doesn’t like me getting high either. I haven’t smoked for a few days just because she doesn’t like it. We’re not even dating and I’m whipped already, but I don’t care.
The Nirvana thing kinda scared me at first but then I found out that her favourite movie is “Gone With the Wind,” and now I’m not so bothered by the “I hate myself and I want to die” poster on the back of her door.
We argued for like three days about how that one Nirvana song sounds better in the Moulin Rouge movie than it does on the original version but we kissed and made up so all the pinches I got for dissing them paid off.
But the worst times are when she goes all quiet and you can tell she’s thinking about stuff. Like when we went to the beach and I was trying to sneak her off so we could be alone, Lauren stepped in and suddenly Beth’s all silent and acting like she doesn’t care if I f*ck someone else right in front of her. She never gets jealous and it drives me crazy because just thinking about her with other guys makes me want to punch stuff. I guess she has a crush on JC because she’s always saying how hot he is and everything. She just comes out with sh*t like that like it doesn’t bother anyone. I even caught her out at a club with some other a*shole and she acted like it didn’t even matter. She thinks it’s no big deal and I know it shouldn’t be, but to me it is because I don’t want her to be with anyone else. Sure I’m hot for her but we’re pretty good friends too. I can tell her stuff, and even if she laughs or whatever I know she doesn’t think any less of me if I’m being stupid or politically incorrect or whatever.
If I wasn’t convinced that she was perfect for me before, the crowning glory was when she agreed to go golfing with me. I mean, she sucks and all…but it was still fun. She knew a little about it because she’d been before with her dad, who by the way, is the most terrifying man I have ever met. You can totally tell that she’s like, daddy’s little princess and that he thinks no one will ever be good enough for her. I don’t know what his problem with me is, it’s not like I’m bussin’ tables for a living, but whatever, he’ll get over it.
So while I’m falling bass-ackwards for this college girl I’m trying to figure out where my career is going. I love the guys and what we’ve done but I need a break. *NSYNC is what it is…a pop band, but I have other ideas that I wana put out there that I know wouldn’t work with them. I don’t want them to be f*cked off with me for breaking out on my own though, they’re my best friends and we’re far from finished as a group, but I know that if I don’t do this now I’ll probably never get to do it. We’re considering a hiatus after this tour so maybe I could do it then.
I talked to Pharrell and he has all these crazy ideas, and I’m getting excited when I know I shouldn’t be because it might never happen. And if it does, what if I suck? I won’t have the other guys then; it won’t be that we suck, it’ll just be me, and I’m not sure if I can face that kind of criticism alone.