I feel SO disconnected from my boyfriend.

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towerOVERme	I feel SO disconnected from my boyfriend.	Lead	[-]
Posts: 1763 (04/29/2009 7:51 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	We've been dating for over a year. He is in finals week of school (as am I) and the only time we talk when he's busy like this is this routine phone conversation where he shows absolutely no emotion. Even his "I Love you" is in this silly sounding voice. When we're together, its' fine, but he is so bad with communicating if we're not face to face. I never get any random texts, I never get any messages, random phone calls outside of the routine, nothing. He says to let it go and everything will be normal after the semester is over, but I'm not asking for presents or to see him every night (or at all really), just for him to show me he's thinking about me once in a while so I don't feel so disconnected like this. And he is in grad school and then taking the LSAT and then (hopefully) going to law school... so he is going to have stressful/busy events one after another for a LONG time coming. If he shuts me out like this everytime one of these times comes along, I am going to go crazy. Or am I already crazy? Ugh, seriously, I'm not expecting much. It doesn't much to make me feel happy. just a little something here and there to show that I exist to you.
Showmeyoursoul		#1	[-]
Posts: 44343 (04/29/2009 7:52 PM) TMI JJBer '08 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	awwww
pryncessnyla		#2	[-]
Posts: 5522 (04/29/2009 7:54 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Aww, I just wanna give you a hug! You should tell him that, maybe he will be more considerate. He might just be overly stressed right now with school, but I would still talk to him, face to face if you have too.
Tachiwaka13		#3	[-]
Posts: 26333 (04/29/2009 7:54 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	I have that problem with my "boyfriend." He keeps telling me he's just busy and that this semester has bee weird for him but I'm starting to think he's literally ignoring me. So...that had nothing to do with you Your boyfriend sounds like he's just stupid (also like my boyfriend). Don't think too much about it. He said he loves you.
towerOVERme		#4	[-]
Posts: 1764 (04/29/2009 7:55 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	also, although I need to let this stuff out and talk about it, I hate to at the same time because there are so many little details that I couldn't even begin to type it all out. For example, we only live 5 minutes away from each other, yet he makes no effort to at least do SOMETHING, stop over and see me for a little bit or something, once in a while. I just feel like just because you're going through a stressful time, its no reason to completely cut off the other person (with the exception of the routine phone calls to check in). Maybe that's just how he is. But I dont know how well I am going to deal with it.
FireBirdGoddess		#5	[-]
Posts: 19854 (04/29/2009 7:55 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	I know how you feel. My bf has always been that way, but things are getting more distant now that my health is on the line.
towerOVERme		#6	[-]
Posts: 1765 (04/29/2009 7:57 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	pryncessnyla wrote: Aww, I just wanna give you a hug! You should tell him that, maybe he will be more considerate. He might just be overly stressed right now with school, but I would still talk to him, face to face if you have too. Whenever I try to bring this kinda thing up he immediately gets annoyed and thinks I'm making him out to be a horrible person and gets so defensive and mad. All I want is for him to say "I'm sorry, I love you just as much when I can't see you as I do when I'm with you, and I wish we had more time together". But nope, nothing, he just says "Give me a break its the end of he semester". If I say I miss him, he thinks I'm nuts. we work together so I saw him this past Sunday at work, but it's totally not the same as spending time together alone. So when I say "I miss you" on Wednesday, he says "Why? you just saw me Sunday". He doesn't get it at all.
Tachiwaka13		#7	[-]
Posts: 26336 (04/29/2009 8:00 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	towerOVERme wrote: also, although I need to let this stuff out and talk about it, I hate to at the same time because there are so many little details that I couldn't even begin to type it all out. For example, we only live 5 minutes away from each other, yet he makes no effort to at least do SOMETHING, stop over and see me for a little bit or something, once in a while. I just feel like just because you're going through a stressful time, its no reason to completely cut off the other person (with the exception of the routine phone calls to check in). Maybe that's just how he is. But I dont know how well I am going to deal with it. OMG YES. This EXACTLY. And does he say he's even too busy to text sometimes? Or reply to texts? When he really ISN'T?
Jennypoo		#8	[-]
Posts: 206 (04/29/2009 8:01 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	I can TOTALLY relate. My fiance is in his second year of law school right now and I always feel like that around finals time. Like just today it started as, "I'll be at the library until 6 and then I'll call you." 6 turned into 8 and now it's 9 and I haven't heard from him. It doesn't help that we live 2 hours apart and only see each other on the weekends. Only 3 more months until we're married, though! I'd like to tell you that it gets better, but it really doesn't. It's something I'm learning how to deal with, but it still seems like I get my feelings hurt during this time and I tend to pick arguments. We always end up talking about it, as well, because it really bothers me. Just stay strong during those couple weeks during the year! And remember that stress makes everyone act differently and try not to take it personally. As long as you know things are good when you're together and non-finals time then don't worry about it. (Way easier said than done, I know.)
pryncessnyla		#9	[-]
Posts: 5525 (04/29/2009 8:03 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	towerOVERme wrote: pryncessnyla wrote: Aww, I just wanna give you a hug! You should tell him that, maybe he will be more considerate. He might just be overly stressed right now with school, but I would still talk to him, face to face if you have too. Whenever I try to bring this kinda thing up he immediately gets annoyed and thinks I'm making him out to be a horrible person and gets so defensive and mad. All I want is for him to say "I'm sorry, I love you just as much when I can't see you as I do when I'm with you, and I wish we had more time together". But nope, nothing, he just says "Give me a break its the end of he semester". If I say I miss him, he thinks I'm nuts. we work together so I saw him this past Sunday at work, but it's totally not the same as spending time together alone. So when I say "I miss you" on Wednesday, he says "Why? you just saw me Sunday". He doesn't get it at all. Hmm. Sounds to me like he is emotionally disconnected. This could either be because he has had some bad past relationships, or he just feels weird expressing those mushy things to you. I would still bring it up though, and try to explain to him in a way that he doesn't think your "attacking" him or making him out to be the "bad person". That might be impossible to do with him but I would tell him exactly how you feel. I hope things get better for you though. I know how those times feel, I have been there many times! Try not to let him get you down, keep your head up girl!
towerOVERme		#10	[-]
Posts: 1766 (04/29/2009 8:06 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Tachiwaka - No, he always replies to texts and stuff. But he never goes out of his way to send me any just to be nice or anything. And Jennypoo - sounds like you're living my life 2 years into the future or something. I know he loves me and he's stressed and everything, I just don't know how strong I am. I don't require a LOT of attention or anything, by any means, just a LITTLE something here and there. And we've discussed it before and nothing changes. He says "i'm just so busy give me a break here" blah blah blah... but he's going to continuously have busy times over and over, he can't just ignore me everytime, ya know? It does hurt my feelings, you like said.
towerOVERme		#11	[-]
Posts: 1767 (04/29/2009 8:08 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Princess- thanks I mean, he's totally good with being mushy and lovey and whatever else in person, but he doesn't know how to translate it onto text or a phone call or an email, or... anything. If we ever have to be in a longdistance relationship, I know I'd never make it. I'd feel too neglected and unloved and I'd give up, as much as I love him. I hope I dont ever have to do that, especially with us living so close together. It's so ridiculous.
Jennypoo		#12	[-]
Posts: 207 (04/29/2009 8:13 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	I just keep telling myself that I only have one more year of finals to go! So, you only have 3 more! Honestly though, since every other week out of the year is great for my fiance and me, I try to remain extra busy when I know he will be, so it won't get to me as much.
doorear		#13	[-]
Posts: 11214 (04/29/2009 8:16 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Gotta pull a Miranda: SO he's blowing you off and you're spinning in doubt, anger and frustration. Why don't you take this generous time he's giving you to figure out what you want. Remember you? What do you want? It may sound like you've had just about enough with this, or maybe not. Take the next couple of days, don't call, text or email and just think. I've been there, so please hang in there.
pryncessnyla		#14	[-]
Posts: 5527 (04/29/2009 8:19 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Well I really hope he understands where your coming from at some point, and that you can both live happily ever after! I hope he starts seeing it from your point of view, you deserve that.
towerOVERme		#15	[-]
Posts: 1768 (04/29/2009 8:23 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Yeah, I've been trying to do that. I have my own finals and everything as well, but I feel like I could still ALWAYS can make time to at least talk to him and show him how I feel. I am more than willing to make time, and I just feel like he isn't. He's perfectly fine with just not seeing me and shows no concern... and it gets to me. I'm over here telling him I miss him, and it doesn't feel mutual. He says it is but he does a horrible job of showing it. And what's REALLY getting me down right now, is that he had a class tonight that was supposed to go til 8:00. I asked if he wanted to do something later tonight, kinda take a break from all of the work and just hang out for a couple hours, and he said he'd have to go straight home from class and keep working. Well, he calls me and at like 6:45 and says class got out early and everyone (including the professors) are going to get a drink on campus. He asked me to go down there and meet him, but since he said he was only staying for an hour and then going home to keep working, I figured it was a waste of time to drive 15 minutes only to go there and be around a bunch of people I dont know that he has class with and then go home 45 minutes later. But... he's still there. 2 and a half hours later he's still hanging out with people from class that he sees more than he sees me, yet he can't take a few hours to spend with me because he's SOOOO busy working on stuff. I thought since he got out of class early he'd ask me to go get dinner or do something for a little while, just the two of us, but nope. I'm sure he'll give me the "I invited you" speech, but he said he was only staying for an hour and we both agreed it would be dumb for me to drive down there. Plus I'd be standing in the background while he's with his profs and classmates, all people I dont know. Not exactly quality time anyway. THIS is pissing me off. Like, a lot. I called him at like ten til 9 and asked him what the deal was, and said something like if you have time to sit down on campus and drink beer with people from class, but you dont have even a few hours to spend with ME who you havent had any time for, thats messed up. He said he was leaving in a few minutes and he'd call me. It's now half an hour later.
towerOVERme		#16	[-]
Posts: 1769 (04/29/2009 8:25 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	doorear wrote: Gotta pull a Miranda: SO he's blowing you off and you're spinning in doubt, anger and frustration. Why don't you take this generous time he's giving you to figure out what you want. Remember you? What do you want? It may sound like you've had just about enough with this, or maybe not. Take the next couple of days, don't call, text or email and just think. I've been there, so please hang in there. You guys are so nice. Thank you. I would totally do that but I'm already stuck going to this banquet thing he's presenting at on Friday night. Which is a huge thing or whatever so I'm not really looking at it as quality together time at all, but whatever. He paid for my ticket to be there already. I want SO BADLY to cut him off right back and just not care.

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I feel SO disconnected from my boyfriend.

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