Ive been in a VERY similiar situation. I confronted him and he swore up and down she was like a sister to him and I was crazy.
My ex and the girl are now engaged.
My ex and the girl are now engaged.
Give me your take on a boyfriend issue
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 Papaya of Doom |
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Posts: 3522 (02/01/2009 8:06 PM) |
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Capricorn1229 |
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Posts: 10880 (02/01/2009 8:07 PM) Most Likely To Respond with a Gif '09
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Papaya of Doom wrote:Shit. 
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 itsmejustin |
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Posts: 20280 (02/01/2009 8:10 PM) |
The OP hasn't been back since.
 It's funny this is still going.
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OhManImScrewed |
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Posts: 15210 (02/01/2009 8:12 PM) |
Yeah I forgot to mention... the guy that I was best friends with? Is now my boyfriend. Just watch out for relationships like that.
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xXJellyxBellyXx |
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Posts: 90 (02/01/2009 8:36 PM) |
The locked door thing just floors me. And what kind of a friend is that girl to you? I would never go into a bedroom with one of my friends boyfriends and lock
the door.
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Sham99 |
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Posts: 19129 (02/01/2009 8:46 PM) |
Is your bf a really good guy? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt.
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nsyncflgirl2 |
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Posts: 18015 (02/01/2009 10:28 PM) |
so what happened? any update?
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luckySC 0409 |
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Posts: 189 (02/02/2009 12:41 AM) |
so UPDATE:
I talked to him today, and basically straight up asked him if he had feelings for her as more than a friend. He said no, and he never has. I told him that it was sketch that he went into his room with her and everything. He said she wasn't feeling well (she has mono and was driving her roommate to the party) and that's why they were in there, and that he had just gone in when my roommate knocked on the door. That is true...they were only in there for a minute or two. So I told him that he had to understand how it looks from my perspective, being in the room with her like that, and he said he understood. He then said that he does love me, and I'm the only girl that he has truly liked since coming to college, and that our relationship is extremely important to him. I talked to my other roommate who is good friends with my boyfriend as well, and she said they aren't doing anything physical at all, but she does think there may be some emotional cheating going on (i.e. he talks to her about important stuff that he doesn't talk to me about). He is honestly a really good guy. I know I sound like the blind girlfriend, but he is the type of person that would at least have the decency to break up with someone before being with someone else. And we have had no hints or talks as to our relationship ending anytime soon; in fact, we've had some pretty serious talks about the future. So, my plan is that next time he starts talking about her or something about her comes up again, I'm going to flat out tell him to stop talking about her so much. I can't tell him not to be friends with her, obviously. But at this point I don't see a reason to end things with him because of this. |
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merchasa |
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Posts: 1079 (02/02/2009 12:44 AM) |
Umm. Yeah. You bought the bullshit. Good luck!
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OhManImScrewed |
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Posts: 15219 (02/02/2009 12:56 AM) |
Good luck, I really hope you're right. Just understand that that is exactly what every guy says in this situation and personally I would still have my
guard up. Some boundry rules may be necessary, although I agree that you shouldn't tell him who he can and can't be friends with.
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ripcurlgirl83 |
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Posts: 4605 (02/02/2009 1:00 AM) |
he likes her but cant have her and lots of times people find it fun when its something "they shouldnt do"... you deserve someone who is going to put
you first
ditch the friend loving bf! |
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ripcurlgirl83 |
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Posts: 4606 (02/02/2009 1:03 AM) |
with you saying dont talk about her.. its not like he isnt wanting too!
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lilSS |
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Posts: 11089 (02/02/2009 1:06 AM) |
yeah, he just basically told you that there was great skiing to be had in Miami and you bought it hook line and sinker. Good luck with that.
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AudaciousAudrey |
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Posts: 21821 (02/02/2009 1:09 AM) Biggest Know It All '09
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Well this is a really unfortunate situation because even when you ask him to talk about her less, in the back of your mind you're always going to know that
he wants to talk about her all the time and that he cares about her more than the average person cares about a friend. You are always going to wonder.
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pinkberry |
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Posts: 2924 (02/02/2009 1:33 AM) |
I'm going to give my anti-JJB perspective on this.
Did your boyfriend act like this with the girl before you two started dating? If so, then there's a possibility that he might not have realized that he was acting like that. And if this is the first time you've ever said anything to him about it then he might not have realized that it was hurting you. I know this is a very unJJB-like answer, but I've seen with other people and even with myself a few times that there are times when someone could be acting a certain way and won't realize it until someone else calls attention to it. Maybe you talking to him about it tonight could be his wake-up call and he'll start acting differently. Obviously though, if he continues to act the same way (or any other suspicious way) then it could definitely be assumed that there's more than just a friendship going on between them. |
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Batoutofheck |
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Posts: 10325 (02/02/2009 1:35 AM) |
luckySC 0409 wrote: I wanted to read this with paragraphs. Sorry if my paragraph breaks are in inappropriate places.
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DoesThatSparkle |
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Posts: 797 (02/02/2009 1:42 AM) |
Regardless of if he is actually cheating on your or has feelings for this girl, why would you want to be with someone who gives more attention to another girl
(friend or not) than you? That just seems completely rude on his part.
My best friend is a guy (there are absolutely NO romantic feelings between us) and recently my friend got a girlfriend. I loved (they have since broken up) her to death so we would all party together and hang out and stuff and never once did he pay more attention to me than her. He obviously still included me and talked to me and everything...just your basic friend stuff, but his girlfriend was his focus. It would have been strange if he was ignoring her to focus on me, because...well, she was his girlfriend. |
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luckySC 0409 |
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Posts: 190 (02/02/2009 1:44 AM) |
Batoutofheck: thanks for breaking it up. I wrote it with breaks originally and then they didn't show up.
Pinkberry: Not to single you out (because I do appreciate everyone's advice, even though I know you all think I am crazy and ridiculous for not taking it), but I do appreciate your reply. He is one of those people that doesn't realize what he's doing until it's pointed out to him; that kind of thing has happened before (him not realizing what he was doing bothered me) and I talked to him about it and it was fine. He speaks before he thinks. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses. But honestly, this is how I'm going to approach it. |
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wutwudGsusdU |
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Posts: 8571 (02/02/2009 2:01 AM) |
I've only read the first few replies, but first just let me say that not all men with girlfriends who have close female friends have anything going on with
them other than friendship. Even if the close fem friend is a big priority in their life. Some guys are just really there for their friends and want to take
care of them, and on the outside it can appear that there is more going on there when in reality it's all very platonic and it's just because the guy
loves his friends (female or not). I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he's in love with her. It's not right for him to be making you feel like
you are not his first priority, you shoudl absolutely have a clear dialogue there where you are both hearing each other. you should establish boundaries. but
at the same time, I understand that whole "boyfriends/girlfriends will come & go but friends/best friends are forever." Sounds like you guys
haven't been all that clear with each other on communication between this issue, or if your bf even realizes it's an issue.
If they are just tight as friends, that may just be something you have to deal with, because people shouldn't have to make their close friends a non-priority just because they have a S/O as well. but that's if they are ONLY platonic and clearly just care for each other as friends. Just know that at times when 2 male/female friends are close, and one or both have S/Os, it may seem like the friend might be taking advantage of the fact that their friend will pretty much do anything to care of them, but in reality it's not like that. it's not shady at all, it's just that they're there for each other like that and that shouldn't be something that is wrong just because they happen to be dating other people. From what I've read though, I am a little afraid he could actually be emotionally cheating. It's a tough thing, and sometimes things happen before you even realize it and you never intended it to. But if he's doing this, he needs to stop. Fess up and realize what he's doing. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere though and he may not have even realized what was going on until it was too late. He needs to respect you and let you go if this is not what he truly wants anymore. Not sure on how she feels, she may only view him as a friend, completely platonic. |
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merchasa |
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Posts: 1080 (02/02/2009 2:18 AM) |
why not also have a chat with the girl too. let her know that boundaries need to be respected. she cant always be calling for him to rescue her, unless she
thinks of him as a boyfriend too.
jesus, i feel like this is the week of "hes just not that into you", ive been posting it all over jjb with the download. perhaps its time again |
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