"In our country we have three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence to never practice either of them."
-Mark Twain

"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
-Benjamin Franklin

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
-G.W. Bush

"I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!"
-Stephen Colbert

"I've never been a fan of amphibians. Not only do they strengthen the argument for evolution, they are Nature's fence-sitters. Come on amphibians, which is it: water or land? Pick one. We're at war."
-Stephen Colbert

"I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in 'reality.' And reality has a well-known liberal bias. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass, is my point. But I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash."
-Stephen Colbert