As a speech therapist, I find it sad and troubling that you are having to fight for services, that you are having to determine for yourself how far behind he is and that anyone is using "that's typical for autism" as an excuse so they can deny services. As a professional, I would never expect the parent to determine their child's level of delay - that's why the child is coming to see me, for me to determine it, with input from the parent, of course. Not only do I do formal testing, but I also have developmental checklists that I keep in many of the children's folders. Sometimes I give the parent a checklist, so they can indicate which skills the child is demonstrating at home.

My goal will all the children that I work with is for them to function as closely to the same level as their peers as possible. That would be what I would be working toward with your child. As others have stated, a 6 year old should be highly independent in their ability to perform activities of daily living. The starting point for your son has to be based on his current level of functioning. If, for instance, his motor skills are in the range of what a child typically develops between 30-36 months, then it would be time to start working on the skills that a child typically develops between 36-42 months. You wouldn't expect a 3 - 3 1/2 year old to do everything for themselves, but if you know what skills are realistic to expect next, that's what you work towards. I know he is over 72 months, but some skills go in order and build on each other, whether someone has a diagnosis or not.

I'm away from home for Thanksgiving, but I could definitely send you some checklists and help you figure out what to do next after I am home.