ForgotPassword?
Sign Up
Search this Topic:
Forum Jump
Posts: 12702
04/19/2011 2:50 PM
FallenAngelFound wrote:NsYnC FaN 364 wrote:This has nothing to do with teamwork. Do you work in an office setting? It's MISERABLE to go to work every day if people are fighting and there is drama everywhere. It's better NOT to stir the pot. The place of business is first and foremost where you go to earn a living. You have to be there every day, so why create unnecessary drama? It's not worth it. This guy has never done ONE thing to show the OP that he is in fact racist. If he did, then she wouldn't have gotten so close to him. Sometimes you need to trust your own judgment, and the OP obviously thinks the guy is a nice guy. If it is true, that sucks, and the OP will find out on her own in time. Then she can choose whether or not to continue a friendship. You can't trust people, especially people that you already know are known to be a shit-stirrer. I meant in the "forest for the trees" mindset. And yes, I do. Always have. The last place I worked (a higher end 4 yr university) we had a woman similar in personality type to what she is describing as this "Mary" person. This lady was a plague on the office. She gossiped/spread rumors about everyone. Talked about everyone's business (though most of us weren't sure how she learned things about us, other than maybe she gained bits and pieces off other conversations and then expanded upon them herself-erroneously) and so on. So I guess it's a touchy subject for me because I have personal experience with someone like this. And in the type of setting I worked in, neither the gossiper or the people she was spreading malicious rumors about would have had a decent chance at advancement. Who wants to advance someone in educational administration who might be a racist? The end result, though, is that I went to our department head and said "I've had enough. I can't handle Soandso's constant gossiping and poisonous attitude. It creates a hostile work environment and if it's going to be tolerated, I'd like to transfer elsewhere on campus". The director wholeheartedly agreed, but said no one was willing to come forward and cite specific incidences or examples of this person's behavior. The director only heard about it in passing, but when she would offer to try to resolve it, grown, educated adults would actually BEG her not to say anything, because they didn't want to "be involved" or be "blamed" for outing the gossiper. I told her I was all too happy to cite specific examples and situations, so the director, Gossip, and myself had a private meeting. I confronted Gossip about her behavior and how it made me feel, and when she tried to lash out at me and call me a liar, the director stopped her and said that she had NUMEROUS other reports of the same thing, but that no one else was willing to come forward. The director told her that her behavior had to stop immediately or she would be terminated. After word of the meeting got out (through Gossip, I'm sure), several other people went and lodged formal complaints about Gossip to the director. Needless to say, she was no longer employed within 30 days of our meeting. As I told Gossip in the meeting, this is about how you treat the people you work with. Yes, it's work and yes, you HAVE to be there, so why not do what you can to make it as pleasant as possible? Treat people with dignity, kindness, and respect, and expect others to hold themselves to the same standard. If they don't, be adult enough to speak up about it. It's rude and disrespectful to gossip and spread rumors about coworkers, and it creates bad feelings and ultimately, can lead to a hostile workplace. Even the OP is struggling because the entire event is making her uncomfortable. Jack may or may not have done what Mary says, and that's wrong if he did, but Mary had no business spreading rumors and gossip about it to anyone else. And as Jack's friend, OP should say something. It's bad behavior. But everyone wants to just "stay out of it" or turn the other cheek to it. I just don't get the cowardice.
NsYnC FaN 364 wrote:This has nothing to do with teamwork. Do you work in an office setting? It's MISERABLE to go to work every day if people are fighting and there is drama everywhere. It's better NOT to stir the pot. The place of business is first and foremost where you go to earn a living. You have to be there every day, so why create unnecessary drama? It's not worth it. This guy has never done ONE thing to show the OP that he is in fact racist. If he did, then she wouldn't have gotten so close to him. Sometimes you need to trust your own judgment, and the OP obviously thinks the guy is a nice guy. If it is true, that sucks, and the OP will find out on her own in time. Then she can choose whether or not to continue a friendship. You can't trust people, especially people that you already know are known to be a shit-stirrer.
Share This Link