FallenAngelFound wrote:
I can see I'm the odd man out here, but that makes me wonder: would it bother you if you found out someone at work was saying YOU were a racist? Why is it "leave it alone" because it's someone else? She said she considers this other person a friend. If someone is accusing your friend of being racist, don't you think you should let your friend know? Especially if he/she has given you no indication that they are, in fact, a racist? Is it different because these are coworkers? I don't understand why people would think she shouldn't say anything to her friend, who is in a position of authority, that someone at work is saying things about him that can/will negatively affect his reputation?

Because at this point she doesn't know if Mary really is spreading this to others or if she is just jealous of the friendship OP and male friend are forming.  If Mary is only telling OP to get drive a wedge in their friendship, its very different then telling everyone and trying to ruin his reputation.   Assuming its not true - and because OP has said Mary is untrustworthy, she has to treat this as unproven.