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Chapter 32

The Power of Good-bye

Present (May)

“I’m just going to open the bottle of wine-” Nicole stopped mid sentence, leaned against the door frame and frowned slightly when her eyes fell on Chase. His back to her, facing the computer. “You better not be doing work.” she warned.

“Just checking my emails before dinner.” Chase answered as he swiveled around in the chair to face her. Nicole gave him a wrinkle of her nose in annoyance. Chase patted his knee in invitation. She fitted against him perfectly, as her arms looped around his neck as she perched on his lap.

“Work will be there tomorrow.” Nicole said. She had managed to get him away from his work for a few hours. They had spent most of the afternoon out on the beach. It had been a perfect afternoon, just Chase, her and the sun. She had wanted a day where neither one thought about school or work, especially him. She was worried about him. Since starting at the firm, he had been working non-stop. It seemed that he spent every waking moment at the office, and it was starting to take a toll on him. He spent half of his time thinking or stressing over his work. It wasn’t healthy.

He closed his eyes for a split second and sighed. “I know. I know.” He opened his eyes back up and locked his eyes with hers. “I’am a workaholic.” he admitted with a small grin.

Nicole felt the familiar flutter in her stomach when he smiled. “The first step is admitting you have a problem.” she answered in a serious tone. “You know... I hear your girlfriend would like to see you a little more often.” she teased.

“Really? She said that?” He asked, playing along.

Nicole nodded. “Yep. She said that if you don’t give her the attention she deserves then she will have to go find it else where.”

“You think she’s serious?” Chase said trying to hide his smile.

“I don’t know.” she replied. “But if I were you, I would do something about it-I mean if you want her around.” giving a small shrug and then tilting her head back to stare at him, putting his lips too close to hers. She watched as he dipped his head that last inch for a kiss. She couldn’t help but smile as his lips finally touched hers. A light moan escaped her lips. God, could he kiss.

When he lifted his head, satisfaction was written all over his face.

Nicole licked her lips as she narrowed her eyes down at him. “What’s that look for?”

Chase shrugged. “What look?” he asked innocently as he rubbed the small of her back.

“Hmm.” was Nicole’s response, as she leaned back in and gave him a peck on the cheek. The annoyance she had been feeling a few moments earlier evaporated. She was happy. He made her happy. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this way. He had given back the hope that relationships could really mean something. She had opened herself up to him, in ways she had never truly done before. He had broken down walls that no other men in her past had even been able to make dents in. “Except for one.” she reminded herself. She wrinkled her nose at that thought. That relationship was different and separate from all her others.

“Things will get better after this last trip.” Chase promised, breaking her out of her thoughts. “The case will be closed and you will have me back to wait on you hand and foot.” he teased, referring to the trip he had to make tomorrow to Chicago. He had been flying back and forth for 3 months now, working on his first real case.

Nicole grinned. “Good.” At least she got to spend a Saturday alone with him.

When the relationship between her and Chase had began, Nicole couldn’t have imagine that a year and half later, they would still be together. She figured after a few months it would fizzle out, as her past relationships always seem to. But he had surprised her in ways she hadn’t imagine. He stuck around, and was patient. There had been no rush to label the relationship, it had developed at it’s own pace. A perfect example of that was: after 16 months together, neither one had uttered those three little words. Did she care for Chase? Yes, but she wasn’t in love. She learned a long time ago, saying the words “I love you” wasn‘t only about saying them, but feeling it. And in her past relationships, she would say it back because the words were said to her first. And as she got older, she regretted ever saying the words without feeling that emotion.

The only time Nicole had ever truly meant those words was at the age of fifteen, it was the only time it had ever felt genuine and real. It was also ironically when she had been the most naive and blind about love. But she had meant the words. She remembered it clearly. But every time since then, the words were just that: words. She wasn’t going to make the same mistake she had made in the past. She was more than fine with how things were going at the moment.

Were they in a committed relationship? Yes. Did she like being with him, and talking to him? Yes. Did she miss and think about him when he wasn’t around? Yes. But they were doing it their way. Not how everyone else thought it should be. She had lost count of how many times she’d been asked at work when she plan on moving in with him, or any plans of marriage. Her answer was always the same: “We’ll see.”

They were still getting to really know each other. Nicole knew there was things she didn’t know about him. Things that Chase still hasn’t share with her, and Nicole was okay with that. She knew there was sides of him she hadn’t seen yet and there was no rush on her part. If she was meant to see it, then she would.

And even though she had opened up to him, she knew she wasn’t all fully there. And a tiny part of her knew she would never be. Even if she tried, there was always going to be a part of herself she wouldn’t and couldn’t share with another man. She had done it once before-and it had gotten her nowhere. It only caused her pain and resentment. No, it was better this way. She knew deep down it wasn’t fair. He deserved more. But she just couldn’t do it.

She jumped when she felt a poke on her side. She blinked and locked eyes with Chase. “What?” she asked, but knowing she had been caught in her own thoughts.

He gave her a curious look. “You were deep in thought.” he said, his palm resting on the small of her back. “Something you want to share?”

Nicole gave him another kiss on the cheek. She was sure she wasn’t ready to share those thoughts with him. “I was just wondering if you were going to be back in time for graduation.” she said instead.

She was finally graduating! It seemed like this day would never come, but it was finally here and she was so thankful. She hadn’t plan on grad school taking this long, but other things in life had gotten in the way...but all that mattered now was that she was done.

“The ceremony is Thursday afternoon, I should be back by Wednesday night. I will be there.” he promised, pressing a kiss to her temple. “I wouldn’t miss it. This is big deal.”

Nicole nodded in agreement with a serious look on her face. “It kind of is. Yes.” Chase only chuckled. Nicole grinned from ear to ear.

“Your mom flies in when again? Tuesday or Wednesday?”

“Tuesday night.” Nicole answered. “She’s been asking about you...so be warned.” she teased.

“I like your mom.” Chase answered.

Susan had met Chase a few times in the past couple of months, and just like Nicole predicted, her mom had fallen in love with him. Susan had even extended him an invitation home, which Nicole was pretty sure her mother never done before. Susan had made it clear to Nicole, how much she liked Chase for her. Nicole had already heard more than once how relieved Susan felt that her only daughter had found someone who made her happy, who seemed to truly care for her. She had made a comment a few weeks ago, how much calmer Nicole seemed now that Chase was in her life. Nicole still really didn’t understand what that meant...

“She likes you too. Believe me.” Nicole said with a laugh.

“Why is that funny?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“What? I’m not laughing-it’s just she’s very fond of you. And she’s never acted this way with any of my ex-boyfriends.” Nicole confessed.

“You must have had some lame boyfriends before me.”

Nicole nodded. “Yes. None compare to you.” she answered sarcastically.

“Are you mocking me?” he asked with a light frown.

Nicole got up from his lap. “No. Why would I do that?” She lead herself and him down the hall and toward her kitchen. “I hope dinner didn’t get cold.” She let out a small yelp when his arms wrapped around her waist.

“I leave tomorrow morning.” Chase murmured into her ear. He had her back pressed to his chest.

“Yeah, I know. I’m driving you to the airport remember?”

“Then we should start saying goodbye right now.”

“I’m hungry Chase.” she said with a small grin on her lips. “Starving.” But as the words left her mouth, Chase lead them toward her bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2 days later...

Nicole walked toward the front door as the doorbell ranged again. She frowned to herself. “I’m coming.” she called out. Rachael could be so damn impatient sometimes. She got to the door, placed her hand on the knob, ready to give Rachael an earful. She opened the door and blinked in surprise when she realized it was Justin who stood on the other side of the threshold, a small grin on his handsome face.

It faded slightly, as his eyes wondered over her. “You didn’t have dress up for me.” he teased.

Nicole glanced down at her attire, she was in a pair of gray poly fleece pants, and in her favorite red hooded sweater, that ironically once belonged to Justin. She wrinkled her nose at him and ignored the comment and asked. “Where’s Rachael?” stepping aside to let him in the house.

Justin snorted. “Nice to see you too sweetheart. Rach got called back into the office as she was getting ready to come this way. She was going to come by here first and then go back to the other side of town. I told her I would do her the favor and drop by instead.”

Graduation was 3 days away, and she hadn’t found anything in her closet she wanted to wear. Rachael and her had gone shopping the day before and hadn’t found anything. Rachael had texted her later that night and told her she would drop by a few outfits she had in her closet the next day, maybe there was something in her closet she could wear. “Why didn’t she call? Graduation isn’t for another 3 days, I could have picked them up or she could have dropped them off tomorrow.”

“She did call- but it went straight to voicemail.” Justin said, as his gaze fell unto the big bay window a few feet away. The ocean starring back at him. Nicole felt a small smile tug on lips despite her mood. Justin had only been inside the house once before since the finish remodel and it had been for only a few minutes. Nicole couldn’t be more happy with the final results of the house. He spoke again. “And you wanted to sell it.” he reminded with a shake of his head in disgust.

Nicole rolled her eyes and shut the front door. But deep down she was glad things had gotten back to normal between them, especially after what transpired 7 months ago in Memphis. Even after all this time, Nicole still wasn’t sure how it happened. All she knew was that it had. One moment they had been sitting, and talking, and the next moment they were lost in each others; kissing and touching. She was sure things would have gotten out of hand if they had not been interrupted by the rain. So they ran back to the pick-up-hand in hand- once inside Nicole had expected the ride back to be awkward, but in fact, it had felt quite the opposite. There had been a sense of calmness between them. She had glanced over at him as he drove, one hand on the wheel, while the other hand had rested on her thigh. Neither one had said a word, they realized there was no need to discuss anything.

They had accepted what they had done, and it hadn’t been brought up since then. In fact, they acted as if it never happened. They both knew it was no use talking about it. They had tried talking and in reality it lead nowhere. So the best thing to do was move on from it and let it go. She had felt as if she had left that part of herself at creek that night. In a way she knew it was last time they would allow themselves to do what they did. And when Nicole had leaned in and gently brushed her lips one last time against his- before getting out of the truck-she knew Justin felt the same way.

She looked over at him, Justin stood a few feet away, narrowing his eyes down at her. “Why are you looking at me that way?” Nicole asked, feeling a bit exposed. She knew he could sense something was going on. She hated that he could do that.

“It’s 4 in the afternoon, and you’re still in pj’s.” Justin observed. “You haven’t even left the house today.” It was more of a statement than a question.

“These are not pajamas.” Nicole said defensively, folding her arms across her chest. These were her-having-a-moody-day-clothes. “And can’t I lounge around my house?” she snapped, as she walked toward the kitchen. She was in the middle of making an early dinner, when the doorbell had ranged.

Justin followed and said after her. “You should be out celebrating your graduation.”

Nicole stood in front of the oven by then, but turned around and faced Justin. “Graduation isn’t for another 3 days-”

“Yeah and you think you would be happy about it.” As he spoke, she bent down and opened the oven door to check on the pieces of lemon chicken she had roasting. There was a few moments of silence before she heard him say. “You want to talk about it?” Nicole froze for a split second at his words, but pretended the words didn’t have any affect as she closed the oven door and stood back up. She turned back around and faced him. He stood there, looking at her, as if trying to read her thoughts.

Nicole leaned against the edge of the cabinet and stared back. “Talk about what?” Her gaze not wavering.

“About whatever you want.” Justin answered with a shrug. She gave him a long look, but did not say a word. After a few moments, she broke the gaze and looked over his shoulder and out of the window, starring at the waves for a few seconds. It was as if Justin knew better than to push and quickly asked. “Do you want to help me with the stuff? I think Rachael shoved her whole damn closet in the back of the car.”

Nicole knew that was his way of dropping the question. So she nodded and answered. “Yeah, of course.” as she followed him to the front door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin stood up at the same time Nicole did. “I can do the dishes.” he offered.

Nicole walked toward the sink, hers and his empty plates in her hands. “It’s okay.” she said to him over her shoulder with a small smile. “I got it.”

“Yeah, but you made dinner. It’s the least I can do.” Justin insisted, as he followed her toward the sink. “Nicole-”

She was at the sink by then, she turned and faced him. “Justin.” she mocked in a serious tone.

After helping him take out the outfits Rachael had picked out for her out of the car. Nicole found herself asking him to stay for dinner, and it wasn’t because she felt force to do so because he brought over the clothes. No, it was because she realized they hadn’t really hanged out in weeks, months in seemed. She had expected him to turn down her invitation since they hadn’t been alone in months, but instead he had looked her straight in the eyes, a small smile on his lips as he answered with a simple “Sure.”

For whatever reason, Nicole had felt a sense of relief run through her at his response. And as he helped her with dinner, they had talked. And as they ate, they talked. They took turns. She talked about graduation, and her job. She had even talked to him about Chase. He told her about all the projects he was working on. He talked about Jessica as well, and how things between them were a lot better.

It had felt good to just talk to him as her best friend. It made her forget- at least for few hours-about how she was truly feeling. It felt good to sit across from him and have a meaningful conversation. She was always surprise on how they could start talking about something so simple as a book, and it progress from there. Nicole never realized how much she craved and missed those types of conversations with him. She loved hearing his thoughts and ideas and she liked sharing her own with him.

“I didn‘t do it all by myself. You helped.” she reminded and put the plates in the sink. And then of course they could bicker like no other. “Stop being such a stubborn ass.” she teased. He had helped with the salad, and mash potatoes.

He stood next to her by then and glared. “You’re being a stubborn ass.” nudging her on the side. “You just don’t think my washing skills are up to your standards.” He said in hurt voice.

Nicole rolled her eyes as she turned the faucet on and filled the sink with water and added dish soap. “You are such a child.” She gave him a side way glance with frown, yet couldn’t help but think how good he looked with his 5 o’clock shadow and curls. It had been about 2 months ago since he shaved it all off. She blinked, and gazed out of the window instead. The sun was beginning to set. She had to stop thinking about him that way. She shut the faucet and reached for the sponge. Justin still stood next to her, and he handed her a dirty plate from the other side of the sink. Nicole took the plate and looked back over at him with an amused look.

Justin narrowed his eyes. “It’s better than just standing here and doing nothing.” he said. “I’ll hand them to you and you can rinse them.”

“J-it’s not a big deal-”

He interrupted her with a raised eyebrow. “Are we really going to continue arguing about this?”

Nicole shut her mouth and pouted. After a few moments of silence she spoke up again. “You started it.” Unable to control her mouth. She heard Justin chuckle lightly. “What so funny?”

He shook his head as he handed her another plate. “You always have to have the last word.”

“So?” she said, but grinned despite herself as she rinsed the plate.

Justin splashed a few droplets water in her direction. “Smart ass.”

Nicole let out a small squeak, and quickly jumped back, glaring. A sudden feeling of appreciation consuming her, for him being there with her. The beginning of the day had not started off well. She had taken the week off at work for graduation. She had planned on going out and getting a few errands done before Susan arrived the next day. She had gotten out of bed and made her way to the kitchen before she showered and dressed. But the longer she sat with her cup of coffee, the more she wanted to crawl back into bed, so she had. Everyone had their bad days, and today was hers. But even on days like these, Nicole wasn’t the type to crawl into bed and pretend the world didn‘t exist, she was the type that sucked it up and got on with her daily routine, but for some reason she hadn’t been able to do that today. She had gotten out of bed to shower and changed a hour and half before Justin had shown up. She probably would have stayed in bed if she hadn’t been expecting company.

“When does Susan get here?” he asked, breaking her out of her thoughts.

Nicole took the salad bowl out of his hand and replied. “Tomorrow night.” They stood in silence for a few moments. “I think she’s more excited about it than I am.” Nicole said, breaking the silence. She turned and face him. “I can already see her in the stands...” she gave a small groan. “Oh god.”

Justin snorted his laughter. “It wont be that bad-” he stopped abruptly.

“What?”

“Then again- Mom will be there to join in.” he gave a serious look. She stuck her tongue out at him. Justin tossed his head back and laughed. “C’mon Nic, this is a big deal. Let us enjoy it.”

“Us?” Nicole repeated.

He nodded. “Yeah. We’ve all been waiting for this moment. Our little girl is growing up.” he said in a mocking tone.

“Shut up.” she said with a grin and splashed water in his direction. He glared. “Don’t look at me that way. I didn’t get you wet.” she informed him. But her mind was already forming ideas on how to do so. She saw the sprayer...

“Don’t do it.” she heard Justin warned before she had the chance to grab it.

Nicole looked up at him innocently. “What are you talking about?” Instead she turned the faucet on.

“Don’t give me that shit.” Justin snapped. “I saw where your hand was reaching for.” He nodded to the still dirty dishes in the sink. “Let’s finish this.” he stated.

Nicole raised an eyebrow. “Who made you boss of me?” But before Justin had a chance to respond or blink, she had grabbed the sprayer and pointed it in his direction. “Answer the question Timberlake!” she demanded with a grin.

Justin had his hands up in the air with a look that could kill. “I swear you fucking spray that and you will pay Nicole.” She saw a faint hint of a smile on his face. “Drop it.” he said.

She gave a small shake of her head. “Right. I drop it and then you grab it. Nice-” she didn’t finish, instead she let out a small scream. Justin had gotten the sprayer out of her hand, and had it pointed at her. “Justin.” she warned.

“Ohh. Not so high and mighty now.” he teased. Unlike her, he didn’t hesitate, and the next thing she knew she was yelling for him to stop as he sprayed her with water. Nicole laughed as she ducked and opened the fridge, trying to find something in there to hit him with. She hid behind the door as she reached for a bottled water. She looked down at herself, the front of her sweater was completely soaked.

“You should have done it when you had the chance.” Justin said with a laugh.

She took the cap off the bottle. “That was not fair.” she whined as she got herself ready to shut the fridge door and pour the water on him. She had the perfect spot for it too.

“What are you going to do? Stand behind that door all night.”

“Truce?”

Justin sighed as if debating, but said. “Truce.”

Nicole put the bottle behind her back, and shut the fridge door with her free hand. They stood a few feet away. Justin still had the sprayer in his hand, but had it lowered. He laughed again when he saw her sweater. Nicole didn’t say a word, instead she tossed the water in the bottle in his direction. But he was too quick and the water missed him, and hit the floor instead.

Justin pointed the sprayer at her again. Nicole raised her hands up in defense. “Okay! I’m done! You win!” she exclaimed, trying to hide the smile from her face. “Jerk.” she said muttered loud enough for him to hear her.

“What was that?” Justin asked with a raised eyebrow, ready to attack again.

“Nothing.” she answered with an innocent smile. She glanced once more at her herself and frowned. “Thanks. This is my favorite sweater.”

“Isn’t that my sweater?” the sprayer down at his side.

“And your point is?” she asked.

“The point is: it was mine and it was stolen.” he told her, the sprayer back up and pointed at her. A smile on his face.

Nicole rolled her eyes. “I’ve been wearing it for years now, and you just noticed?” She glanced around her kitchen floor, and wrinkled her nose. “I’m going to go change.” she pointed a finger at him. “And since you made the mess, you can clean it up.” she stated with a grin from ear to ear. She squealed as he sprayed her again with water. “Justin!” she shouted, the grin disappearing from her face.

Justin grinned wickedly at her. “Keep talking.” he retorted.

Nicole glared, stuck her tongue out, and quickly left the kitchen before he sprayed her again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nicole turned the light in her closet on before stepping inside. She glanced down at herself and wrinkled her nose, the whole front of her sweater was soaked, along with her hair. She should have known things would get out of hand with him. He always had to come out winning. She looked back up and began rummaging through her clean clothes. She stopped for a split second when her fingertips touched the fabric of her graduation gown. She gave it a once over and felt a small pang in her chest. Her hand softly touched the material as a mixture of relief, happiness, sadness and anger ran through her.

She moved her hand away from the gown, and reached out for the hanger next to it instead. She took the blue tank top of it’s hanger and walked back out of the closest. She knew Justin was right. This should be a week of celebration for her academic achievements-and she had been feeling that way. Until this morning-when she realized this was another big moment in her life, and her father would not be here to be part of it.

She stood in front of her dresser and grabbed a dry bra before walking into the dim bathroom. She placed the clean clothes on the counter, and glanced up at herself through the mirror, trying her best to keep the sadness and anger buried deep inside. Nicole knew this was not the time to be feeling that way, but she couldn’t control it. It had been as if a bucket of ice water had been thrown at her that morning, reminding her of what was missing her life.

She took in a shaky breath and undressed, as she fought the urge of grief ready to spill over again from this morning. In the past few hours, she had been able to hold it in, had been able to push those emotions aside. Justin had been the cause of that. He had been the distraction in keeping her from crawling back into bed for the rest of the afternoon. She finished changing and glanced once more at her reflection, and swallowed the lump in her throat. How was it that after all these years the pain of loosing him was still too real? Wasn’t it supposed to get easier? Instead, the more years past by, the harder it seemed.

Nicole blinked back the tears, and felt the pang deep in her chest once again. She glanced away from her reflection and reached for the wet clothes on the counter. She didn’t want to do this right now, if she did, she wasn’t sure she would be able to stop. For whatever reason, today was harder than most days.

Things weren’t supposed to be this way. He should be flying in tomorrow with Susan to celebrate this moment with her. Instead Nicole felt anger towards him for leaving her and her mother. How was this fair? She wiped back the tears with the back of her hand. Why had it been her dad? Why? She asked herself that question everyday. Because not a day went by when she didn’t think about him. There wasn’t a day in where she didn’t wondered how different life would have been if he was still alive.

She placed the clothes back on the counter when she saw her tear stricken face in the mirror. Nicole rested her hands on the edge of the sink and sobbed silently in the dim-lit bathroom for a few moments, trying to get it out of her system before she walked back out. She brought her shaky hands up to her face and wiped away the tears, not wanting Justin to see her this way. She gave her reflection a once over and frowned. Great, her eyes were now puffy and red. She sucked in a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom, rubbing her eyes with her hands as if that would help make the puffiness go away.

Nicole moved her hands away from her face, and came to a halt when she saw Justin standing by the bedroom door. He didn’t say a word, he only stood there with his blue orbs studying her. She met his gaze with what she knew were her puffy eyes and realized then why he was there. Why he had volunteered to drop of the clothes for Rachael.

She heard the sound of the crushing waves outside her window as she blinked back more tears. She met his gaze once more, and found herself wishing he would just hold her and tell her things would be okay. She didn’t want be alone. And as if reading her mind, he walked toward her, without saying a single word, Justin wrapped his arms tightly around her. Nicole closed her eyes tight and buried her face in his chest as a sob escaped her lips. She wanted him to never let her go.

They stood that way for awhile. Nicole heard him whispered into her hair. “It‘s okay.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be this way.” she murmured into his chest, her voice cracking. “This was supposed to get easier as time went by...” she trailed off and looked up at him. “He should be here with Mom and with me.” She suddenly broke from Justin’s embrace and wiped away more tears with the back of her hand. She sat on the edge of the bed, and glanced back out of the window as she took in a shaky breath. “I was fine...and suddenly it hit me this morning...” she admitted. “And I found myself in bed-crying.”

“Nic...” he started as he crouch in front of her, and placed a hand on her thigh.

She looked down and met his eyes, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I guess it just hit me that this is another moment in my life he won’t be here to share with.” Her voice breaking once again. She took in another shaky breath. “There’s always this empty feeling deep inside...” she whispered, blinking rapidly to keep the tears inside.

“Baby...” he whispered, and pressed his forehead to hers.

Nicole sniffed and shut her eyes tight, but couldn’t control the sob that left her lips. She brought a hand back up and wiped away the tears. She felt Justin move her hand away with his. She opened eyes back up and was met with the warmth of his blue eyes. “Why is this so hard?” she whispered. Justin moved his face so that their mouths were inches apart.

“I don’t know.” Justin answered honestly. “But if I could make the pain you’re feeling right now go away I would.” he said hoarsely. He brought one hand up to her cheek and wiped away the rest of the tears. “I wish I could fix this for you...” his own voice cracking.

She looked at him and felt her heart squeeze. She wanted to be comforted. She wanted to be held. He must have sensed it because she felt his hand rub the small of her back and before she even realized what she was doing, Nicole wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in the hollow of his neck as she once again cried silently.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin watched intently the waves crash against each other through the large bay window. The sun had set and the moon was out in full force. He had turned on the small lamp next to him. He yawned before he glanced down at his watch. It wasn’t even 11 pm. He placed the empty glass of water on the coffee table in front of him, and leaned back against the comfortable white couch. His eyes fixated on the view out in front of him. He had been sitting alone in Nicole’s living room for the past hour, lost in his thoughts while she still slept.

He felt a small pang in his chest when he thought of Nicole’s tear stricken face. He had held her in his arms for a long time as she silently cried, and then later they ended falling asleep on her bed. He hated that he couldn’t make her feel better. He hated he couldn’t make the pain she felt for losing her father disappear. He hated that he felt so useless. Because he knew all the talking in the world could not change the events from the past.

He continued to watch the waves. He knew something was off the moment she opened the door and he laid eyes on her. The look on her face had been familiar, but it wasn’t a look he was used to seeing on her pretty face. She had looked in a way...sad and like she‘d been crying. His first thought had been that she’d had a fight with Chase. But as he watched her through dinner, he realized it was something more, and as the subject of graduation came up, Justin slowly began to put the pieces together. But decided against bringing it up. Justin knew Nicole rarely liked to talk about her dad. And when she did talk about it-she was the one who brought it up.

And maybe that’s why he had volunteered to drop off the clothes for Rachael...because deep down he knew this moment was going to happen and knew she would close herself off from everyone. She always hated pity. She always put up a front with others when it came to the death of her dad. Justin was the only one who could ever really get her to put down those walls-at least for a little awhile.

Justin blinked back to the present and glanced around the open living room. A small smile tugged at his lips as his eyes wondered around his surroundings. She really had done a good job with the place. Nicole had talked about owning a place by ocean since they were kids. There were large bay windows to showcast the beautiful view of the Pacific Ocean and coastal cottage furniture pieces. It was her little piece of heaven, and Justin couldn’t be more happy for her. It had taken a bit longer than what she had expected, but he knew in the long run it was worth it. Her dream of living by the ocean had finally come true.

He chuckled to himself. He loved hearing her talk about it. He loved how her face would light up whenever she told him about her plans. He felt his heart squeeze as he thought about one of the last conversations they had shared a few years back...before Jessica and Chase. They had been sitting in his living room watching late night TV on one of his off days, and the subject had come up for some reason, and he remembered jokingly asking if there was going to be room for him in her new home. She had leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek as she had answered: “I’ll make an extra key.”

He sighed. That was years ago, when a second chance seemed possible...

When he thought he would finally make up for hurting her when they had been kids. The familiar sense of regret and disappointment filled his stomach as he realized the second chance had been lost, partly due to him...

Justin got up from the couch and walked closer to the window. He was happy with how things were going in his life now. He had learned to live with it and accept it. And he had been good at it until recently. In the past couple of months it had become a bit harder to live with. Because he couldn’t help but wonder how different things could have been. He was thankful and loved Jessica, but there was still a little part of his heart that still wondered if a second chance was still possible. He shook his head. He was crazy. There was a reason why it hadn’t happen. He just wished he knew what it was.

Even if at times he found himself losing control...

The perfect example of that would be the night in back in Memphis. He hadn’t been able to control himself and before he knew it- had acted without thinking. Obviously there was a physical attraction between them, but that night at the lake, it had been different. It had gone beyond the physical. It felt good to hold and kiss her. It had felt right. But at the same time wrong. Because things were not that simple. Because regardless of what his heart was telling him, he knew the consequences. They both knew the consequences.

But a hint of regret still stirred in him. The regret of not fighting harder 5 years ago to keep her. The regret he’d been living with for half of his life when he let her go the first time. The regret of not being able to tell her the things he should have said long ago.

“Justin?” he turned to the sound of her soft voice. She stood behind the couch, a light blanket wrapped around her whole body, puffy-eyed from sleep and tousled haired. “Is everything okay?” she asked and walked around the couch to sit where he had been sitting a few minutes before.

He smiled at the sight of her. After all these years she was still able to stir something deep within him. He nodded. “Yeah. I was thirsty.” he answered pointing to the empty glass on the coffee table. He watched her bring a hand up to her mouth as she yawned. She looked in a better mood than a few hours ago. “I didn’t mean to wake you-”

Nicole looked up at him and shook her head. “You didn’t.”

Justin gave her a small nod, but didn’t say a word.

“What’s wrong?” Nicole asked.

“Nothing.” he answered quickly.

“Fine.” Nicole started. “But just in case you’ve forgotten I know you pretty well too Timberlake.” He looked away from the window and met her gaze, a small smile on his lips. Nicole smiled back. But Justin didn’t answer. After a few moments of silence, Nicole spoke up again. “If you need to leave-”

Justin gave her a curious look and interrupted. “Do you want me to?”

“Do you need to?” she whispered.

“No, I don’t need to.” He shook his head and repeated. “Do you want me to?” He knew sometimes all she needed was a few hours to reflect. She would be okay. And Justin knew sometimes she needed some time alone, and he was willing to give it to her, if that’s what she wanted.

Nicole locked eyes with him. “If you want to stay...”

“I can stay Nicky. I don’t mind.” he said earnestly. He walked toward the other end of the couch and sat down. Truth was, he didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay here with her. The sudden urge to protect her consuming him. There was so much he wanted to say to her. But Justin wasn’t sure if this was the time. Or if he had the right to.

Neither one spoke for a few minutes, they sat a few feet apart watching the waves outside the window crash against each other. Justin glanced over at her, and caught her wiping away a few tears with the back of her hand.

She met his gaze, and gave a small shrug. “I just have to get it out of my system before Mom gets here tomorrow.” she said to him.

Justin got up from his side of the couch and sat down next to her. He reached out for her hand. “I’m pretty sure Susan wouldn’t mind. She is your mother after all.” he reminded.

“I know...but I just rather not have her see me this way.” she answered truthfully.

“You are so stubborn.” he murmured as he let go of her hand. They both laughed in spite of the moment. The room grew silent once again. Justin spoke up first. “He’s proud of you. You have to know that.” She looked at him but didn’t say a word. “I’m proud of you too.” he found himself saying.

“Thanks J.” she said hoarsely, her eyes gazing out the window again. She leaned back against the couch, the blanket down to her waist, as she reached out for his hand next to her leg and gave it a light squeeze. Justin didn’t give her a chance to move it away, he tangled his fingers with hers. She glanced down at their intertwined fingers and then up at him. “Justin...didn’t we-”

“I keep telling myself I’ll get over this.” he started. “And I keep asking myself why it’s so hard this time. Why I cant just let go of it like we’ve done so many times before.” He paused for a split second, trying to collect his thoughts. “And it’s because I regret it Nicole.”

“You regret what?”

“Not fighting harder for you.”

Nicole pulled her hand away from him. “That was 5 years ago.” she murmured. “I know things haven’t necessarily been smooth between us in the past couple of months...” she trailed off. “J-we can’t change that. I’m not asking you to change the past.” she searched his eyes, as if trying to find the answer to why he was bringing this up.

“Don’t you ever wonder-”

“Of course I do.” she kept her gaze on him. “I’m not exactly the easiest person to break down.. I know I didn’t make it easy either.” she whispered with a small smile.

Justin smiled back. “I’m glad we both agree your stubborn.”

Nicole narrowed her eyes at him. “I never said I was stubborn.” He gave a light chuckle. She continued. “But I wasn’t going to force you to stay with me.” she looked at him through her lashes. “How fair would that have been to you and to me?”

“You would not have been forcing me to do anything Nicole. You know that. I know I‘ve fucked up plenty of times.” he said hoarsely, leaning back against the couch.

“It’s in the past Justin...” she said, and got up from the couch. She walked and stood in the same spot he had been.

“Is it?” he questioned. “For how long?” he pushed. “Because despite everything I think about it. I find myself getting lost in the ‘what if’ game.” he stopped for moment, and glanced away from her. “I love her. I do.” he said referring to Jessica. He glanced back at her, and expected her to interrupt him and demand where all this was coming from, but Nicole stood in the same spot, watching him carefully. “But it doesn’t change the fact that I know I could have tried harder. Five years ago, 14 years ago...” Justin confessed.

Nicole made her way back to the couch and sat down. They locked eyes once again, neither one saying a single word. He knew right then things weren’t going to change anytime soon. But he stretched one arm out, and she slid closer. He placed one arm around her shoulder, while she wrapped her arm around his waist, and snuggled to him, her cheek pressed against his chest.

There wasn’t anything physical or sexual about the moment, it just was. And he sensed that left both of them with more confused feelings than ever before.

Chapter 34

Turning Tables

Spring Break 2002

Orlando

The next afternoon, Justin walked into his kitchen, opened the refrigerator door and took out a bottle of water. He leaned against the large island counter, and took the aspirin into his mouth, before taking a large gulp from his water bottle. He groaned, he had the hugest migraine in the world. He glanced around the kitchen, expecting Trace or Nicole to appear and nag him for being out again the night before. But they didn’t. He frowned, it was a little too quiet.

He placed the almost empty bottle on the counter behind him. He sighed as he thought about the events from the day before. Justin knew he had been a jackass to Nicole, he knew he could have handled it differently, but sometimes she really did get under his skin. But he also knew he should have stayed in and tried to talk to her, instead he had showered and left without saying a word to Nicole or Trace. After that, rest of the night was blur. Hence, the migraine.

He glanced up at the clock on the wall a few feet away: 12:46 p.m. He hadn’t been up this early in 2 weeks. He turned his attention away from the clock, when heard the footsteps. Nicole came to an abrupt stop when she saw him standing there. She held a book in one hand, and a glass in the other. She held his gaze for a few seconds, before she walked in his direction. Without saying a word, she placed her book on the counter behind him, and opened the refrigerator door. He watched her pour lemonade into her glass, and then placed the pitcher back inside the fridge.

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Of course, this wasn’t going to be easy. He cleared his throat and asked. “Where’s Trace?” She now stood a few inches from him.

She gave him a once over before reaching for her book. “On his way to New York.” she answered coldly.

Justin blinked in surprised. “What? Why is he on his way to New-” he stopped mid-sentence. “Was that this week?” he asked out loud. His days were all meshed together. Trace was in the beginning steps of trying to start his own clothing line, and had managed to get a few meetings line up with people that might be able to help. He opened his mouth to speak, but Nicole had turned on her heels and was making her way out of the kitchen. He groaned, and followed her, she really was damn stubborn.

He walked outside, and found her sitting on the patio chair, closest to the pool, with her nose in the book. It was either now, or never. He let out a large sigh, and walked toward her. Justin sat on the chair next to her. “Are you just going to ignore me for the week?” he asked.

She looked up from her book, and gave him a stony look. “I won’t have to.” she answered and placed her attention back to the book. “I’ll be gone by the end of the day.” she finished without looking at him.

Justin gave her a confused look. “What the hell does that mean?” But she didn’t answer, instead she continued to read. He narrowed his eyes at her, he suddenly understood. “Don’t tell me you’re flying back home?”

She closed the book, and gave him her full attention. “I was.” she informed him. “But then I realized that I would have to explain to Mom and Lynn why I flew back early. And as much as you piss me off, I‘m not going to be the one to tell them how much of an ass you‘ve been.”

Justin snorted back his laughter. She was right, she never sugarcoated anything for him. And as much as she annoyed the living hell out of him at times, he loved that she didn’t see him as a celebrity, but as just Justin. “Thanks...I guess?” he said with a smirk. But something still didn’t make sense. “Wait-if you aren’t flying back to Memphis-then where are you going?”

“I’m going to stay with JC.” she stated, and calmly and re-opened the book.

Justin’s jaw slightly dropped. “I‘m sorry, it sounded like you said you were staying with JC?”

“I did.” she said. “I talked to him this morning and he said it was okay for me to crash at his place for the rest of the week. He’s picking me up around 4.”

“You’re being serious.” It was a statement not a question.

Nicole raised an eyebrow at him. “Yes, I’m being serious. Is that a problem?” she asked.

Justin felt his migraine grow as he listened to her. Nicole was a grown ass woman, who was free to do whatever the hell she wanted. And it shouldn’t matter to him where she ended up for the next 5 and half days, but he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of annoyance at the thought of Nicole staying at JC’s. JC was a good person, and Justin knew he would never do anything to make Nicole feel uncomfortable. But JC was also a guy, and Nicole was smart, funny, sensitive, beautiful and not to mention sexy as hell...

He blinked back to the conversation at hand. Where the hell was this coming from damn it? He just got out a serious relationship, and he was worried about what another woman was doing? But as he looked back up at her, he felt that jolt of electricity, and Justin realized she wasn’t just any another woman. He also realized this was the first time in 2 weeks where he actually found himself caring about something besides alcohol. He cleared his throat and asked instead. “Aren’t you taking this a bit too far?”

She bit her lower lip as she thought about her answer, after a few moments, she shook her head and said. “I don’t think so. Obviously I’m in the way of your busy schedule-”

Justin rolled his eyes and stopped her. “Will you stop being such a damn drama queen.” he ordered.

Nicole only snorted.

He glared. “What’s that for?”

She shrugged, and gave him an innocent look. “What was what for?”

He decided to ignore her snort and asked instead. “You do realize this is ridiculous?” She really did drive him crazy sometimes.

“Why?” she snapped. “Because I rather be around happy people? Because I rather not be around someone who thinks his idea of a good time is getting drunk every night so he doesn’t have to deal with the real issues?”

Justin closed his eyes and let out a huge sigh. There she went again, pushing his buttons. She was making this into a bigger deal than what it really was. Yes, he had been going out a lot lately, but he had something he didn’t have before: and that was freedom. He opened his eyes and lifted his head up to the sky. “Like I told you yesterday: I’m fine.” he paused and looked back down at her. “I have nothing holding me back now. And there isn’t anything wrong with what I’m doing.” For whatever reason he felt the need to defend his actions to her. Damn her for having that effect on him.

Her eyes lingered out into the large pool. “You’re right, there isn’t.” she concluded. “So like I said, I’ll be out of your way in a few hours.”

“You’re so fucking stubborn.” he blurted out. She glared back at him. Justin decided to try a different approach, he rubbed the top of his head nervously. “About yesterday...” he started. “I was an ass.” He expectantly waited for some type of sarcastic remark from her mouth, but it never came. Instead she sat there quietly, as if waiting for him to continue. Of course she wasn’t going let this go so easily. If he was smart, he would just let her leave, but the idea of her staying at JC’s drove him crazy. And as much as it bothered him, he knew he couldn’t make her do something she didn’t want to. He spoke again after a few seconds. “I would like for you stay...” he said honestly. “But I’m not going to force you.” he finished.

Nicole didn’t say a word for a few moments as she looked back out at the pool. He watched her from the corner of his eye and he knew she was trying to decide what to do next. Finally after a few minutes, she glanced over at him. “Are you apologizing?” she asked skeptically.

Justin gave a small nod. “Yeah...I’ am.” he replied. He felt something deep within awaken, as he continued to look at her. He couldn’t explain it, he didn’t understand it. How did she do that without even trying? How was it possible for him to feel anything for anyone after what he’d went through? But the longer he sat there, and watched her, the more it became clear to him that it was out of his control about how he felt about her, it just was, no matter how many times she pissed him off. His eyes searched her face and Justin could read the skepticism of his apology in her eyes. “Have you had lunch?” he asked. Nicole was stubborn and he knew she wasn’t going to let this go as simple as he wanted. She gave him a curious look, but didn’t say a word. “I haven’t ate anything yet.” he informed her. “It’s on me.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Are you trying to bribe me with food?” a small smile tugged on her lips.

Justin smiled back. “Yeah...is it working?”

Nicole’s smile turned into a smirk. “Maybe.”

He chuckled lightly and stood up. “I’ll take whatever I can get.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Two hours later, Nicole walked into the kitchen, a paper bag in her arms that held a quart of rocky road ice-cream-her favorite. She placed the bag on the big island counter and reached into the dishwasher for two clean cereal bowls and spoons. She sat down on the bar stool, and took the ice-cream out of the bag.

“Jackass, get to your meeting.” she heard Justin say at the same moment she took the lid off the quart. She looked up as Justin made his way into the kitchen, the phone to his ear. He rolled his eyes at her, and said into the phone. “I’m hanging up Trace.” She watched him close his eyes for a split second before he spoke into the phone again. “You’re worse than a woman. Call me after the meeting.” he paused and sat down on the stool across from her. “Alright, bye.” He looked over at Nicole with a frown and placed the phone on the counter. “When he calls back-you can talk to him.”

Nicole giggled. “This is a big deal J. He has a right to freak out.”

“Maybe, but he called you, not me.” he stated.

She hid her smile, Trace had called her phone, and then Nicole had passed him off to Justin. She took the spoon and took a huge scoop into her bowl. “Just looking at this makes my mouth water...” she said, as she dipped the spoon back in to grab more. Once she felt that she had enough in her bowl, she looked up and found Justin watching her with an amused look. She gave a sheepish smile. “Shut up.” and pushed the quart in his direction.

Justin shrugged and tried his best to hide his smile. “I didn’t say a word.” and began to scoop ice-cream into his bowl as well. Nicole brought a spoonful into her mouth and resisted the urge to moan in pleasure when her tongue touched the ice-cream. She was broken out of her trance when Justin asked. “Should I leave you two alone?”

She wrinkled her nose at him. “Haha...ha.” She gave him a quick look, and he gave her a small smile. Nicole knew he was trying to make up for yesterday. They had lunch at a small Italian restaurant, that Justin knew about. They had managed to sneak in without being noticed. Nicole had expected it to be awkward, but once they sat down and ordered, the conversation had began to flow. At first, Nicole hadn’t been sure on whether to give him the chance to make things okay, but she quickly discovered, how much she needed her best friend. She had been holding a lot of things in lately, and despite of everything, Justin had always been her go-to person and it had felt good to let everything out. He had sat across from her and listened intently as she vented out all her frustrations about work, lack of school and her thoughts in general.

After they had left the restaurant, Justin had surprised her when he suggested ice-cream, and so on the way back to the house, they had stopped by the grocery store. In fact, Nicole had expected the lunch to be his apology, then head back to the house and do their own separate thing. But now it was past 3 in the afternoon and so far it didn’t feel that way. She looked over at him through her lashes and brought a spoonful of ice-cream into her mouth. “Thanks for lunch.” she said.

He took the spoonful of ice-cream into his own mouth. “Thanks for joining me.” He placed the spoon in the bowl and looked back up at her with an almost forced smile.

For the next ten minutes they sat quietly, eating their ice-cream and Nicole wondered how much longer he was going to continue to pretend that he was okay. All through lunch, she had done the talking. He had sat across from her and asked the questions. It was fairly obvious he wanted to steer away from his problems. And she had decided to not push the subject. But at the same time she needed to know he was going to be okay.

“What‘s going on in that head of yours?” she heard him ask.

She blinked. “What?” she asked him, as she chewed on her lower lip. Had she really been that lost in her thoughts?

Justin narrowed his eyes. “You seemed deep in thought.” he observed. She gave a small shrug and dropped the spoon into the bowl. She opened her mouth to speak, but stopped and closed it once again. He sighed when he noticed her hesitation. “Nic-”

“You keep telling me you are fine-but I know better. I know you.” she finished quickly before he could stop her.

He chuckled lightly “Look at us, how do we do it?”

Nicole wrinkled her nose in confusion. “What? Do what?”

“How we can be at each others throat one minute, and the next minute act as if never happened.” he said. “I think we are the only two people in the world who can do a one eighty in less than 24 hours.”

She raised an eyebrow. “For the record: I haven’t forgotten about it.” she paused for a second. “And don’t try and change the subject.” Nicole felt her heartbeat quickly increase as Justin pushed his bowl to the side and leaned into the counter, set his gaze on her, without saying a single word. She hated when he was able to make her feel uneasy and didn’t even have to try. She pressed her lips together. “Justin-” she started.

He cleared his throat. “What do you want?” he finally asked with a large sigh. “What do you want to hear? You can’t fix this Nicky.” he became silent for a few seconds, as if recollecting his thoughts.

“I know I can’t. And I’m not trying to.” she started. “I’m not asking you to share everything you’re feeling with me-or anyone else for that matter. But you can’t just hide it away like it’s nothing. Like it never happened.” She looked back up at him through her lashes, and expected him to lash out, but he sat there quietly. “I just want to make sure you’re going to be okay.” she murmured. “I don’t want to get a phone call in the middle of the night from a hospital letting me know something has happened to you.” she whispered. “You know, at first I was just mad because I felt like you were acting like a child and you weren‘t sharing anything with me. But then last night after you left, and I went to bed, all these crazy scenarios kept running through my head and I all I kept thinking was: please let him get home safe.” She blinked back her tears and looked away. “I mean you’re my best friend-”

He blinked in surprise. “Nicole.” he licked his lower lip nervously. “It’s not like I can’t control it.” He tried to catch her gaze. “Look at me.” he ordered softly. She looked back up at him. “I can control it.” he promised.

“Can you?” she challenged. “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, you‘re an adult and you shouldn‘t have someone telling you how to live your life, but don’t let the booze and whatever else become a way out. You have to deal with it- because if you don’t- you’ll end up letting it consume every part of you. You’ll only end up bitter and angry. And I don’t want that to happen Justin.” she finished softly.

She waited patiently for Justin to say something, but they once again they sat in silence. Finally, after what seemed hours to her, Justin said hoarsely. “I don’t want you to worry. And I know I haven’t necessarily been the most responsible person in the past few weeks...” he paused for a split second and then continued. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to have everyone ask if you’re okay? To have everyone around you, look at you with pity? It’s hard to not think about it, when you’re constantly being asked about it. So I said fuck it, if I‘m going out then people will begin to think that everything is fine and leave me the fuck alone.”

Nicole only stared. She hadn’t thought about that aspect of it. Yes, breaks up were always hard, but they were especially hard when it was thrown into the public eye.

“And it was working.” Justin said. “Until your ass showed up.” he joked.

She sucked in a large breath, now she felt a little ashamed of her behavior. She opened her mouth. “J-about that-I’m sorry, I probably could have handled it differently-”

He brought a hand up and shook his head. “I needed to hear it.” then added in a teasing tone. “But seriously, ice-water?”

She laughed despite herself. “Something had to get your ass out of bed.” She reached for his empty bowl, and placed it on top of her own. She stood up and made her way to the kitchen sink. She turned the faucet on and said over her shoulder. “Besides, that was the only thing I could come up with.”

By that time, Justin had also gotten up from his stool and placed the remaining quart ice-cream in the freezer. “Uh-uh.” he said sarcastically. He made his way toward her, and leaned against the countertop next to the sink.

She turned to look at him and said in a serious tone. “I really I’m sorry about how I acted too.”

He cleared his throat. “You know, for the past few weeks I’ve been numb to every type of emotion. It wasn‘t as if I did it on purpose it just sort of happened...and then when you showed up yesterday and started yelling-everything I had NOT felt since all this has happened, came rushing back.” he said honestly.

“Should I be insulted?” she asked jokingly and focused her attention to the bowls in the sink.

Justin quickly shook his head. “No” he pressed his lips together before he spoke up again. “You somehow started to make the numbness fade away...” She looked back up at him, her hands under the running faucet. He continued. “So...I’m finally starting to feel everything- slowly but surely-and it sucks.” he joked.

Nicole smiled warmly. “Yeah, it does.”

“But even going through all of this-” his tone of voice changed again. “I started thinking of you...”

Her smile faded slowly and she quickly looked away from him. She had not expected that. How was she supposed to respond to it? Nicole knew he was in pain, but Nicole knew she couldn’t take away any of the pain. She would only be substituting for the alcohol. And the truth was: no matter what he said-he was still in love with Britney.

Yes, they had this strange arrangement that for whatever reason they both ran back to whenever one was alone...but for the first time, Nicole was not sure she wanted to be that for him. But how fair was that? He had been there for her the last time around...

It was supposed to be purely physical. At least that’s what she told herself, and then somehow she would get deep in the moment, and then it would take her weeks to claw herself out. It never failed. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have some control over the situation, she just could never say no to him. The line of course, was never crossed unless they were both single, and they were both single at that moment...

“Nic-you know how much you mean to me-”

“I know.” she interrupted. And she did know. That was something she never had to wonder about. The friendship she had with him went beyond anything she could try and explain.

“Like I said earlier, I would like for you to stay.” He placed his hand beneath her chin, and had her face him. “But I also don’t want you to think that I want you to stay for the wrong reasons.” he stated. “If you stay, it’s because you want to.”

She swallowed the huge lump in her throat, and blinked up at him. She was still not sure how to respond to any of this.

He leaned in, his mouth inches from hers. He stroked the side of her cheek with his thumb as his deep blue eyes searched her face for the right answer. “I never expect for this to happen.” he whispered. “I can’t explain it.”

“Try.” she demanded hoarsely.

His licked his lower lip. “You want me to try and explain wanting to kiss you?”

“Yeah.” she whispered. “Is this a newly development?”

“Wanting to kiss you?”

She felt his breath on her cheek. “I mean, you just got out of a serious relationship and-”

He shook his head. “No.”

“No, what?”

“It’s not a newly development.” he stated. “It’s kind of always there.”

“It is?” she asked.

Justin nodded. “Yeah. You just learn to live with it. And that’s what I’ve done.” He leaned in even closer and his lower lip touched hers. Her eyelids fluttered shut, as she heard him murmured. “But then these opportunities present themselves...”

Before Nicole had the chance to open her mouth and answer, she heard her phone vibrate on the counter. She opened her eyes and quickly reached for the towel on the counter to dry her hands, and then brushed past him to get the phone. “Hello?” she answered almost out of breath.

“Hey, it’s me.”

It took a few moments before Nicole recognize JC’s voice. “Hi.” she answered back, she tried to sound as cheerful as possible.

“Listen, I’m sorry, but it might be a little bit later before I can pick you up.”

Nicole watched Justin turn off the running faucet, and then turn back around to face her. He leaned back into the counter, his arms folded across his chest. She felt as if her heart would jump out of her throat. “Huh? Oh-um it’s okay.” she stammered. “Actually...don’t worry about it anymore.” she said into the phone.

“You sure?” JC asked.

“Yeah.” Nicole answered, her eyes never leaving Justin‘s face. “I’m sorry for the all the trouble.”

“It’s no big deal. That’s what friends do.” he said, then added. “Are you sure? Because this morning you sounded adamant about it.”

“Yeah.” she repeated. She licked her lips slowly. “Yeah, I’m sure.”