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Wow. Ok, I am going to try to be as helpful as I can be to you, but something tells me you're going to feel attacked by what I have to say to you.

Before I lose you, I want to tell you that you are at LEAST as "critical" of her as you claim she is with you. And you're clearly looking for reasons to criticize her. Let me explain what I mean.

First of all, I have never heard of a server writing a letter to upper management because they are overly sensitive to criticism and their supervisor refuses to "sweet talk" them (to use your words).

Here are a few words you use to describe her to her superiors: critical, judgmental, demeaning, intimidating, scary. You make assumptions about things she does and says to you, such as when she "punished you" by giving another server one of your tables based on a mistake you made. Or when she said "not talking is good", and you inferred that she meant that she wanted you to shut up and you were stupid. This might be the underlying issue between you- your perception of her.

You referenced a "misunderstanding" of a perceived "attitude problem" due to you feeling "overwhelmed" by working two jobs. In other words, you had some sort of meltdown because you're in school and working two jobs, so since that was an impression YOU made, it is up to HER to forget about it? Maybe she gave your table away because she took your mistake with the free refills as a sign you might be feeling tired or "overwhelmed" again, and she was trying to alleviate some of the stress before you had another "misunderstanding" about your "attitude"? And using the word "punish" is interesting. She isn't your mother. She may have given your table away, but it wasn't to "punish" you.

She clearly thinks that YOUR demeanor is or has become an issue, as she addresses it daily. Not in the "sweet talk" manner you would prefer, clearly, but telling her superiors how she SHOULD ask her employees isn't appropriate. If you have been working there for five years and have not been promoted yourself, you might consider why, and let those who have been promoted make determinations about how to address their subordinates.

And the talking to yourself thing. You admit you like to talk to hear yourself talk; that can be very irritating and distracting to others around you. Her commenting to you that "not talking is good" says NOTHING about telling you to "shut up", and it CERTAINLY does not say OR infer that she thinks you're "stupid". She simply said that sometimes, not talking is good, and she's right.

In terms of her confronting you in front of other employees, I have a sneaking suspicion that you have made a point of talking about this "issue" with as many coworkers as you can or feel comfortable with, and she has gotten wind. She chose to deal with it, all at once, with everyone possible present, and she dealt with whom she thought was the source. If you were "publicly embarrassed", think about how she feels when she hears that her employees are discussing her negatively behind her back to others instead of speaking with HER privately.

If no one else backed you up by admitting their own issues or fears of her, take that as a sign that they don't feel as strongly as you do, regardless of what they might be telling you privately. I'm sure, at this point, she has no desire to take it into private because you chose not to initially, when you first had a problem. You chose to talk to others behind her back in the meantime, instead. She does not owe you a private discussion at this point. If you had spoken to her, and her alone, in private from moment one, and she chose to confront you publicly, then I could understand the issue. But she's simply choosing to deal with you in the same manner you have chosen to deal with her- publicly. She just had the nerve to do it in front of you.

In fact, everything you are accusing and criticizing her for are VERY similar to things you claim she criticizes YOU for. You want her to overlook your weaknesses, but are unwilling to do the same.

You DO seem to be easily frustrated and upset, and I agree that perhaps serving isn't the job for you. Waiting tables is incredibly stressful, unpredictable, and upsetting to anyone. If you are overwhelmed by school and work, you simply cannot expect others to accommodate you by treating you in the manner of your choosing, that's juvenile.

I don't agree that you are "eager to have a better relationship with her and listen to her side of the story". You are eager to report her to her superiors and have them handle this for you.

If you want to resolve this, you need to ask another manager AT THE STORE to join you and Mona in a private discussion. Don't say anything bad about Mona, just say that you're having some difficulty and you'd like a third party to join the two of you. Write down the things that you feel are issues beforehand and take them in with you, using ONLY "I" statements, NO "you" statements. For example, "I am feeling overwhelmed with work and school and am concerned that it may be affecting my performance here. How do you feel about that, Mona?" And then write down what she says. If she agrees, ask her for her advice on how to improve. Not things like "You always seem to question my actions." See the difference?

If you feel like she starts being overly critical or harsh, tell her that you are hoping for constructive criticism and advice for improvement. If she refuses to change her tone, say "Do you think there is another way you could explain this that leans more toward a solution than a description of the problem?"

I speak from the experience as a server AND a restaurant manager. You are not handling this well, or maturely. You may want to consider looking for a new job. But, keep in mind, you will have this problem again, no matter what industry you end up in. Because most managers or supervisors (male AND female, by the way- nice generalization) do NOT care about your sensitivity issues, or how you would prefer to be spoken to or dealt with. They care about you getting your work done as quickly and efficiently as possible, period.

JCPC42 wrote:

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Bullet Points:

- decided to punish me when I made a mistake, so she gave my table to another employee

- After that, I was pissed, so I was kind of bitchy to her, she thus thought I had a bad attitude.

- she later made fun of me and what I said that night, mocking me saying, "Oh, u're not going to want to go home again?" and "are u in a bad mood again"

- she made me wait an hour to check my side work and was going to leave w/o even checking it. Forgot about me and wasted my time.

- she talked about my frustration with working at Denny's in front of everyone, which led me to want to talk about my issues with her. That equals embarassing.

LOL omg. But you don't have an "attitude problem", right? It's all her.

You admit that you talked to another manager and that you say seemed to make you come across "immature" and that he probably thinks you over reacted. REALLY?

And you had your DAD talk to someone? How old are you?