I need to vent. A lot. I don't even care if no one reads it.
Last Saturday morning, my daughter was born. She's my first child, the entire thing was surreal and amazing. About two days later, my nephew was born. My husband and I found out we were having a baby a little before his younger brother and his wife found out, we were due within six days of each other. We're all so excited for every day of our lives now and it's so unbelievable that we have two babies so close in age that will grow up together.
It was our second night home from the hospital, I'd just got done feeding the baby and she was asleep in her carseat. My husband and I were laying around on the couch, watching Transformers and the phone rang, his. It was one of my closest friends, my maid of honor. I heard her say, "Did you hear the news?" And that was the last thing I heard as I watched my husband's face change completely. When he finally hung up, I'm not even sure what he'd said to me exactly but I knew two of our closest friends were dead. My maid of honor's younger brother and his best friend.
We'd been friends with these boys for years. We both had worked with them at two different places, including our current jobs. I'd worked with them two years at my previous job, another year at my current one. My husband was their manager at the first job. We'd helped one of them get an apartment right next to us about a month ago. He helped us out a lot, we helped him out a lot. Whenever I wanted to find something out, I would go to him because he always knew everything. The other one I'd become close to because my friend is his sister. Both of them were in our apartment all the time. I couldn't wrap my head around it being true and my mind instantly went to the last time I'd saw each of them.
They'd both drowned at a friend's house, at the same time. Both were under 20. And we can't understand it at all.
The viewings are today, at two different funeral homes. The funerals are tomorrow, an hour apart, making it impossible to go to both -- which has hurt so many of their friends who are angry they now have to somehow choose which funeral to go to. I still can't make myself think about the fact that I have to choose one over the other and that I'll miss burying my other friend. My husband and I already decided he'd go to one and I'd go to my friend's brother's to support her because it's the right thing to do. Part of me is bitter I won't have my husband beside me, that I have to be separated from my greatest support while we bury our friends.
I look at my daughter and I think about how happy we've been to have her, and I can't understand how two new lives came into this world over the past few days and two more were taken out. It just isn't fair. She'll be away from me, at my Mom's tonight, for the first time because I can't take her to the viewings. I can't trust myself to be able to take care of her needs while we go see the boys and I don't want any focus to be on us and our new baby while people are mourning two amazing people. I'm bitter that I have to be separated from my daughter already, even if just for a couple hours. I'm angry that two of the best people in our lives, two of our closest friends, were taken away from us in a way that makes no sense.
I really don't know how I'm going to handle tonight, because my husband works 3rd shift and I'll be alone all night after all of this today. Tomorrow is going to be even harder but at least I'll be able to sleep beside my husband on his night off.
I really still can't believe this is happening.
Last Saturday morning, my daughter was born. She's my first child, the entire thing was surreal and amazing. About two days later, my nephew was born. My husband and I found out we were having a baby a little before his younger brother and his wife found out, we were due within six days of each other. We're all so excited for every day of our lives now and it's so unbelievable that we have two babies so close in age that will grow up together.
It was our second night home from the hospital, I'd just got done feeding the baby and she was asleep in her carseat. My husband and I were laying around on the couch, watching Transformers and the phone rang, his. It was one of my closest friends, my maid of honor. I heard her say, "Did you hear the news?" And that was the last thing I heard as I watched my husband's face change completely. When he finally hung up, I'm not even sure what he'd said to me exactly but I knew two of our closest friends were dead. My maid of honor's younger brother and his best friend.
We'd been friends with these boys for years. We both had worked with them at two different places, including our current jobs. I'd worked with them two years at my previous job, another year at my current one. My husband was their manager at the first job. We'd helped one of them get an apartment right next to us about a month ago. He helped us out a lot, we helped him out a lot. Whenever I wanted to find something out, I would go to him because he always knew everything. The other one I'd become close to because my friend is his sister. Both of them were in our apartment all the time. I couldn't wrap my head around it being true and my mind instantly went to the last time I'd saw each of them.
They'd both drowned at a friend's house, at the same time. Both were under 20. And we can't understand it at all.
The viewings are today, at two different funeral homes. The funerals are tomorrow, an hour apart, making it impossible to go to both -- which has hurt so many of their friends who are angry they now have to somehow choose which funeral to go to. I still can't make myself think about the fact that I have to choose one over the other and that I'll miss burying my other friend. My husband and I already decided he'd go to one and I'd go to my friend's brother's to support her because it's the right thing to do. Part of me is bitter I won't have my husband beside me, that I have to be separated from my greatest support while we bury our friends.
I look at my daughter and I think about how happy we've been to have her, and I can't understand how two new lives came into this world over the past few days and two more were taken out. It just isn't fair. She'll be away from me, at my Mom's tonight, for the first time because I can't take her to the viewings. I can't trust myself to be able to take care of her needs while we go see the boys and I don't want any focus to be on us and our new baby while people are mourning two amazing people. I'm bitter that I have to be separated from my daughter already, even if just for a couple hours. I'm angry that two of the best people in our lives, two of our closest friends, were taken away from us in a way that makes no sense.
I really don't know how I'm going to handle tonight, because my husband works 3rd shift and I'll be alone all night after all of this today. Tomorrow is going to be even harder but at least I'll be able to sleep beside my husband on his night off.
I really still can't believe this is happening.
Just sad.
