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I hate it when people are like "I can relate to you" / "I know what you're going through" with stuff like this... but I completely 100% see where you're coming from. This whole post feels like I wrote it... except instead of Hot Topic/ stickers, my mother would wake me up in the morning via the smell of her perfume when she'd come into my room to steal MY clothes because she claimed she didn't have anything to wear. Grown woman wearing a 17-year-old's clothes to work

See, I don't think you're "over it" -- I don't think it's something you can just get over. But I think you move on. It's going to suck, things are going to remind you of her, and you'll cry... but you learn to adjust to this new life without her, I think is all it is. It's like the life you had when she was around is a completely different one...

kelli wk wrote:

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the worst part is she never got to meet my boyfriend all she ever got to see was a picture before we got together then she went into the hospital for the last time. it's just not fair cause I know she wanted grandkids and now she'll never get to see them or see me get married or graduate college or anything.


and you're right, it was completely different. I constantly worried about her because she didn't take care of herself and she was in and out of the hospital all the time. I think I spent 2 or 3 thanksgivings in a row at different hospitals. I still kinda feel like a jerk for being gone all the time the last year but I'd stayed home with her (gotten out of public school too) for 5 years and I wanted to be my own person and..


I'm sorry about your mom (Ditto this)

Oh my wordddd you sound like me. This is creepy Except my mom was sick for a lot less time than yours (mine was diagnosed and passed away within 18-20 months about)... it all happened really quickly. Every Thanksgiving since she was diagnosed was spent in the hospital; every time I got home from school on vacation, I was in the hospital with her. When she was on hospice when I was home last summer, I used to get the "I don't want to be here doing this" feelings... wishing I was anywhere but in my house taking care of her alone while my little sister was working/ taking summer classes and my older sisters were MIA. I'd kinda put it in my head that it wasn't her I was taking care of? Like it was a completely different person... which kinda made it harder to deal with once she was actually gone

I have tons of friends that mean a lot to me that she never got to meet. I just graduated from college a month ago -- the ceremony was ON Mother's Day... which was really, REALLY hard. I dunno... it's weird. But to me it sounds like you're doing okay. I mean I don't know you, I can't say I know what you went through at all, but you're keeping your head up despite it all. Just don't be afraid of the moments where you get upset, and don't feel like you should feel one way or the other as far as being "over it" or forcing yourself to feel emotions that aren't there. You have a lot of happy memories of your mom, and I think those are going to keep you strong through this crazy limbo life without her.

Oh wow. You were really young when your mother got sick... so having that time to get "used to it" (whatever that means) definitely changed how you deal with it now. For me it was fast, but the nature of her disease I kinda knew that I was running on a timeline? And I dunno, she and my dad kind of made it so that it wasn't the first thing I thought about... they were like "keep focused on school" and "don't worry; everything's okay, we'll let you know when it isn't" etc. etc. Your mom being sick for longer was kind of like, preparing you? I dunno what I'm saying but I think you know what I mean?

And yea I've definitely felt like that... especially when it comes to "milestone moments" like birthdays, holidays, weddings, kids, and things like that. I almost punched my sister in the face at dinner when she made a point to mention mom not being there for graduation... I was like "oh thank you. That is exactly what I wanted to be thinking about this weekend."That's the only reason I don't think you can ever really be over it... you're always going to have reminders that range the spectrum from big events to little day-to-day things. The fact that she didn't get to meet the people that helped me get through the times where she was sick I think is what hurts the most... and I tell those friends that all the time; "I wish you could have met my mother. She would have loved you." So I just tell them the stories, because my mom was ridiculous

Thanks for the congratulations! I know she's proud, and kinda to commemorate her, I got something she always used to say to me when I was really young engraved on the inside of my class ring... sort of a "I know you weren't actually there to see this happen, but a large part of why I made it through was you" kind of thing.

Just gotta keep dancing through life, ya know?