Mom's upset that I don't want kids.

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Hamptonic		#61	[-]
Posts: 1783 (06/17/2009 8:44 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	doylefan2002 wrote: Anticipation19 wrote: I dont know.. having children is natural. Its what we're SUPPOSED to do as animals. Not having it is "strange" to me, too. (I agree with Muah. Not calling you weird. Just can't grasp it.) Not even the consideration of having kids? We're supposed to have kids? WTF? Something being natural doesn't mean jackshit. People aren't animals, btw. We are a higher form of life and can think for ourselves/use reasoning rather than just simply give in to our baser instincts. There are tons of people who have kids who really have no business having them because they're not financially or emotionally stable enough for them so why shouldn't people decide not to have kids when they know they won't be able to provide for them? I think that the main reason why anyone has kids is because of BS ideas like what you're espousing. The world is over-populated already, so it's not going to hurt if several million people decide not to procreate. Some people just don't like kids or else they want more out of life than just being a baby factory--end of story. Having kids is my idea of hell. I could totally be wrong and I'm not making an argument for or against people having kids- it doesn't affect me either way. However, I took the comment Anticipation19 made to mean that things like the laws of attraction are based on procreation and to continue the species. I didn't take it to mean that the main reason and goal of every persons life should be to pop out as many humans as possible ala the Duggars. For example, fundamentally we have sex and have the hardware wired, if you will, so that we enjoy it and do it as often as possible. Additionally, the qualities we find attractive (consciously and/or subconsciously ) in a potential partner are characteristics valued for procreation (health, intelligence, attractiveness, etc). And as for the humans = animals issue, that is a terminology debate (I think we can rule out being plants though ) Edited By: Hamptonic 06/17/2009 8:47 AM. Edited 1 times.
Dee De		#62	[-]
Posts: 22470 (06/17/2009 8:55 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	And lastly, while having children will definitely increase the odds of having company in your later years, there is no way to guarantee that your kids and grandkids will either want or be able to spend time with you in your elderly years, so to depend upon them to ward off being 'lonely' is somewhat of a fool's bet. I have always hated hearing people say, who's going to take care of you when you are older? Aren't you going to be lonely? That's not why you should have kids, period. You aren't guaranteed anything in life. You could outlive your child or your child could hate you or not want to talk to you. I mean, it happens! Just because you have kids doesn't mean you won't be lonely when you get older.
mash75		#63	[-]
Posts: 2405 (06/17/2009 9:01 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	megb2001 wrote: I'm in a similar situation. The only difference is that I'm an only child. I told her if she had wanted grandkids she should have had more kids to increase her odds. At least your brother might come through. I've used that line, too. Why put all the blame on me and my brother???
rokhas1yummybumbum		#64	[-]
Posts: 14331 (06/17/2009 9:13 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Hamptonic wrote: doylefan2002 wrote: Anticipation19 wrote: I dont know.. having children is natural. Its what we're SUPPOSED to do as animals. Not having it is "strange" to me, too. (I agree with Muah. Not calling you weird. Just can't grasp it.) Not even the consideration of having kids? We're supposed to have kids? WTF? Something being natural doesn't mean jackshit. People aren't animals, btw. We are a higher form of life and can think for ourselves/use reasoning rather than just simply give in to our baser instincts. There are tons of people who have kids who really have no business having them because they're not financially or emotionally stable enough for them so why shouldn't people decide not to have kids when they know they won't be able to provide for them? I think that the main reason why anyone has kids is because of BS ideas like what you're espousing. The world is over-populated already, so it's not going to hurt if several million people decide not to procreate. Some people just don't like kids or else they want more out of life than just being a baby factory--end of story. Having kids is my idea of hell. I could totally be wrong and I'm not making an argument for or against people having kids- it doesn't affect me either way. However, I took the comment Anticipation19 made to mean that things like the laws of attraction are based on procreation and to continue the species. I didn't take it to mean that the main reason and goal of every persons life should be to pop out as many humans as possible ala the Duggars. For example, fundamentally we have sex and have the hardware wired, if you will, so that we enjoy it and do it as often as possible. Additionally, the qualities we find attractive (consciously and/or subconsciously ) in a potential partner are characteristics valued for procreation (health, intelligence, attractiveness, etc). And as for the humans = animals issue, that is a terminology debate (I think we can rule out being plants though ) I think you're totally spot on with this. I agree 100%.
Darling Nikki33		#65	[-]
Posts: 3463 (06/17/2009 9:18 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Your mom probably wants grandkids. That's why she's upset. It's her reward for raising you. TRUST ME. My mom enjoys the kids and then turns around and tells me I am being to strict when she was the most strict person ever when I was growing up. I will say that I am a horrible babysitter for other people's kids and I really just don't like a lot of other kids but it is different when it comes to MY kids. I love playing with them and taking care of them and I think they are the best thing ever! I hardly sleep anymore and I don't get a lot of "me" time but I don't mind. It's just different. I wouldn't do this for random kids.
sjk1010		#66	[-]
Posts: 1296 (06/17/2009 10:56 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Darling Nikki33 wrote: Your mom probably wants grandkids. That's why she's upset. It's her reward for raising you. TRUST ME. My mom enjoys the kids and then turns around and tells me I am being to strict when she was the most strict person ever when I was growing up. I will say that I am a horrible babysitter for other people's kids and I really just don't like a lot of other kids but it is different when it comes to MY kids. I love playing with them and taking care of them and I think they are the best thing ever! I hardly sleep anymore and I don't get a lot of "me" time but I don't mind. It's just different. I wouldn't do this for random kids. You made me feel better. I know I want kids one day, and it sounds silly but one of my biggest fears with it is that they'll annoy the heck out of me and I'll regret it....I just worry that I'll wake up one day and be like, sheesh why did I do this?! I have a lot of experience working with kids, so I know what it's like but it's nice to know that being with your own is different. I also know I want kids because if I ever picture not having any I know I'll regret it. Some days the urge is stronger than others, but I can't see not having any as an option. I guess I'm lucky because I know the parents and likely future in-laws would really want grandkids.
kellyilla		#67	[-]
Posts: 24648 (06/17/2009 10:59 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	maifanluva00 wrote: I think most women are talked into thinking they have to have kids. Otherwise, I think more of them would be like me. Not me. I want to have at least 2-3 more.
Kit505		#68	[-]
Posts: 8488 (06/17/2009 11:11 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	I don't want kids either and I don't think that will change. I am, however, really worried about not being able to find a guy that feels the same way. Take those dating sites for example, when you are searching for guys, and you choose the option 'don't want kids', that limits your results from like 100+ to maybe 100 (if even that). There is also that 'undecided' option which gives more results, but still it goes to show that yeah, a lot of guys do want kids.
MuppetGrrl		#69	[-]
Posts: 74891 (06/17/2009 11:23 AM) JJB Debater '03 Most Intelligent '04 '06 Grammar Cop '05 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Reading through this post, the smartest things I've seen have been from the folks in their early 20s saying "I don't want kids, but that may change." I'm not telling you it WILL, just to keep an open mind and not establish a part of your identity on "I'm never having kids." I've known at least three women who said they were never having kids, and then 35 rolled around, and bam: the biological clock went into overdrive. Ruined one marriage over it, too (which is not avoidable, since they had no way of knowing she would change and he wouldn't, but it happens). If you really don't want to have kids and you never change your mind, that's great, but just don't mentally and emotionally lock yourself into that so strongly that it becomes a part of your identity. I did want to respond to this: Anyway I saw a documentary on bbc a few days ago, there were couples that couldn't get pregnant naturally so they tried In Vitro like 10 times...I'm sorry but that's just stupid. While I can't imagine putting myself through in IVF that many times (my dad's adopted, so I'd adopt long before then, I think), don't bother trying to understand why women want to get pregnant so badly. It's like trying to understand why someone falls in love, or why anyone has a passion to pursue a dream, no matter how unlikely it seems. You have no idea what's going on with her and how she feels, so--especially if you think it's "stupid"--just accept it and move on. And don't apologize for your judgment, either.
LuvBug		#70	[-]
Posts: 2876 (06/17/2009 11:28 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Actually humans are animals.
Batoutofheck		#71	[-]
Posts: 13163 (06/17/2009 11:28 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	joey4pacey637 wrote: My main concern is that I'll never be able to provide a child with what my parents gave me. Both of my parents grew up extremely poor, to the point where they didn't even have shoes. So, my parents worked their asses off to give us what they didn't have as children and of course, we're all spoiled brats. Which of course, at this point I would be unable to provide for my kid. I'd want to give them what I had and with where I am in life, I'm not stable nor selfless enough to do it. I can tell you this from experience. I was spoiled materially, but I was not taken care of in the ways that matter. Material things mean nothing in the long run. And I don't want kids either, so I'm not trying to convince you to have them. It's just that I would give back all the material things and would rather live in a tiny house or apartment with few material things but a LOT of love and care. And that's as deep as I care to get into it on this board.
maifanluva00		#72	[-]
Posts: 5586 (06/17/2009 11:56 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Reading through this post, the smartest things I've seen have been from the folks in their early 20s saying "I don't want kids, but that may change." I'm not telling you it WILL, just to keep an open mind and not establish a part of your identity on "I'm never having kids." I've known at least three women who said they were never having kids, and then 35 rolled around, and bam That's good for them but I'd rather regret NOT having kids than regret having them. I want to get sterilized, ASAP. If I change my mind later, I'll fucking adopt. I'm not all gung-ho about creating my "own flesh and blood". I don't give a crap. So either way, I'm good to go. You respect my decision and I'll respect yours.
JeterFan		#73	[-]
Posts: 20765 (06/17/2009 12:00 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	I don't understand how men who say they don't want kids are criticized as much as women who say they don't want them. As if a woman is doing something wrong by not wanting kids. We already have enough kids in the world already so why do some people have a problem when a woman says she doesn't want any? Just raise your own kids and don't worry about anyone else's decision.
Diane99		#74	[-]
Posts: 3229 (06/17/2009 12:02 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	lilSS wrote: Problem is, I have a bigger problem meeting men who dont want children. Where do you live??? I need to move there! All I find are guys who don't want kids...
AudaciousAudrey		#75	[-]
Posts: 26793 (06/17/2009 12:05 PM) Biggest Know It All '09 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	rokhas1yummybumbum wrote: Hamptonic wrote: doylefan2002 wrote: Anticipation19 wrote: I dont know.. having children is natural. Its what we're SUPPOSED to do as animals. Not having it is "strange" to me, too. (I agree with Muah. Not calling you weird. Just can't grasp it.) Not even the consideration of having kids? We're supposed to have kids? WTF? Something being natural doesn't mean jackshit. People aren't animals, btw. We are a higher form of life and can think for ourselves/use reasoning rather than just simply give in to our baser instincts. There are tons of people who have kids who really have no business having them because they're not financially or emotionally stable enough for them so why shouldn't people decide not to have kids when they know they won't be able to provide for them? I think that the main reason why anyone has kids is because of BS ideas like what you're espousing. The world is over-populated already, so it's not going to hurt if several million people decide not to procreate. Some people just don't like kids or else they want more out of life than just being a baby factory--end of story. Having kids is my idea of hell. I could totally be wrong and I'm not making an argument for or against people having kids- it doesn't affect me either way. However, I took the comment Anticipation19 made to mean that things like the laws of attraction are based on procreation and to continue the species. I didn't take it to mean that the main reason and goal of every persons life should be to pop out as many humans as possible ala the Duggars. For example, fundamentally we have sex and have the hardware wired, if you will, so that we enjoy it and do it as often as possible. Additionally, the qualities we find attractive (consciously and/or subconsciously ) in a potential partner are characteristics valued for procreation (health, intelligence, attractiveness, etc). And as for the humans = animals issue, that is a terminology debate (I think we can rule out being plants though ) I think you're totally spot on with this. I agree 100%. Same. People who say humans are not animals are ignorant.
AudaciousAudrey		#76	[-]
Posts: 26794 (06/17/2009 12:07 PM) Biggest Know It All '09 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	JeterFan wrote: I don't understand how men who say they don't want kids are criticized as much as women who say they don't want them. As if a woman is doing something wrong by not wanting kids. We already have enough kids in the world already so why do some people have a problem when a woman says she doesn't want any? Just raise your own kids and don't worry about anyone else's decision. Men are programmed to spread their seed, women are programmed to want to bear and raise children. It's more odd to me when a women has no maternal instinct.
JeterFan		#77	[-]
Posts: 20766 (06/17/2009 12:11 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	It's odd to me when all women are lumped into one group amd there's no consideration for those who don't want to have babies. That doesn't make you any less of a woman. And not having a maternal instinct is not some sort of sin, or thing to be ashamed of. Just because you have the ability to make children doesn't mean you're SUPPOSED to have one. And what I find even more odd is women who have children because they feel pressured to do so. Women are individuals with their own minds. Each person should make the decision that's right for them.
kastang		#78	[-]
Posts: 18 (06/17/2009 12:16 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Yeah, I'm 20 and my mom said she'd rather us wait until 40 to have kids. maifanluva00 wrote: lilSS wrote: Problem is, I have a bigger problem meeting men who dont want children. I hear you on that. Now that I'm "old", I'm not about to waste time dating a man who wants children. It really restricts the dating pool though. Same with my mother. She started dating again and every guy is like, "I think we would make cute kids blah blah blah". She's 42 which isn't too old to have more kids but she had her tubes tied when she was 27. That and she's still waiting for my sister to graduate high school so she can be free again.
AudaciousAudrey		#79	[-]
Posts: 26798 (06/17/2009 12:20 PM) Biggest Know It All '09 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	JeterFan wrote: It's odd to me when all women are lumped into one group amd there's no consideration for those who don't want to have babies. That doesn't make you any less of a woman. And not having a maternal instinct is not some sort of sin, or thing to be ashamed of. Just because you have the ability to make children doesn't mean you're SUPPOSED to have one. And what I find even more odd is women who have children because they feel pressured to do so. Women are individuals with their own minds. Each person should make the decision that's right for them. It's fine if somebody doesn't want to have kids. People just don't get it because it's what we're genetically programmed to do, it's our one main purpose in life. Not having a maternal instinct isn't a sin, but it is abnormal.
JeterFan		#80	[-]
Posts: 20771 (06/17/2009 12:28 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Not normal to who? It's a choice. Some women have no business having babies at all. But that's a whole different story...

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