The lack of compassion from these people just astounds me. I'm very sorry you're having to deal with this.
so all the neighbors are pissed now...*update*
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 swimfan |
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Posts: 229 (04/16/2009 12:13 PM) |
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brokenangel |
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Posts: 1019 (04/16/2009 12:28 PM) |
DarklyDreaming07 wrote:yeah i understand. from the looks of it he is a young guy and from their conversation my mom said she didn't feel he knew a lot - she's actually an RN so when it comes to this kind of stuff she knows more about any of this than most people. he wanted us to just come to the window and wave and she just told him that she'd rather meet with him so they know that this is a situation where he's getting better care than he would in most situations. i mean i really am trying here - we count buttons and read out loud and we do have activities for him for him to do. |
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Ruler of the Misfit Toys |
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Posts: 14 (04/16/2009 12:28 PM) |
Just read your update. Not sure what state you live in but unless your dad is a harm to himself or others, isn't being fed, washed, clothed, etc.- elder
services can not take your dad from the house. If he shows aggression, they could potentially Baker Act him (Probably called something else in your state, it
means involuntarily commitment, for 72 hours.)
You need to get a Durable Power of Attterney for your dad ASAP. Call the Alzheimer's people back and ask for them to send you the forms ASAP. They may have a legal aid lawyer who can help you. Don't panic. ((Hugs)) I am going to be out all afternoon, but please PM me if you have any questions. Sorry for spelling/grammar mistakes, typing in a hurry. |
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blairboy |
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Posts: 32479 (04/16/2009 12:31 PM)
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Jesus Christ, some of you are downright motherfucking assholes.
Op, hang in there. |
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magnoliam |
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Posts: 3673 (04/16/2009 12:46 PM) |
irks me a little that the protective services guy doesn't seem to know more, but I assume he probably isnt specifically in charge of adult care and gets
these types of calls rarely. Ruler seems on the ball here with the attorney suggestion, and still deffinitly go through with the letters and information to
educate your neighbors. Your mother and you both seem very informed and once he talks with you I'm sure it will be ok, and ice cream all around seems a
fitting relaxation
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yvettemarie21 |
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Posts: 23603 (04/16/2009 12:46 PM) |
My heart is absolutely breaking for you. I don't have personal experience in caring for an Alzheimer's patient, but I do know what it's like to be
a sole caretaker (I was in my early 20's too). If you need anything, please dont hesitate to PM me. People also stuck their noses where they didn't
belong and liked to cause problems that were unnecessary.
I'm wondering if the reason that the kids (and adults) are "scared" is because of the Graves disease. My grandmother had it and people were horrible at times about her appearance. I feel no pity towards your neighbors. |
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theonlysassyone |
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Posts: 1561 (04/16/2009 12:50 PM) |
OP I am so sorry this is going on in your life right now. Not only is this your dad, who doesn't even know it, you are taking care of him instead of you
right now.
This has got to be very difficult for you. The neighbours would understand a lot more if it was their family member that this is happening to, and how unbeleiveably *sp stressful it is on the WHOLE FAMILY. I myself, have had my 90 year old grandmother collapse on me in the grocery store, ( she was living independently until that day. I know how you feel. she is not the same person before she collapsed, and now she is in a retirement home until we can get a bed in a nursing home. For all of you jjbers that think it is easy dealing with this, and it is not SO EASY just to put people in a home. there are waiting lists, and costs that are astronomical and on a quick basis that maybe the OP is not able to come up with. IT IS NOT AS EASY TO JUST put them in a "home". Just take a deep breath and if you need some support pm me, and i will do my best to listen to you and try to help in any way I can. |
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ldl5112 |
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Posts: 4855 (04/16/2009 12:53 PM) |
Like I said in the other post, I sympathize with both sides here. Granted, the neighbors could have handled the situation much, much better, but their reaction
is understandable if you really think about it. I know from experience (my grandfather on my dad's side had Alzheimer's and my grandmother on my
mom's side was senile) that people with those conditions have the potential to be very unpredictable, and like someone said earlier in the thread, can be
violent without understanding the consequences of their actions. You've admitted that you don't really know for certain how often he's gotten out
and approached them. The fact is, your neighbors don't know your father, especially the new neighbors. They aren't around him every day. They likely
don't know whether he's potentially violent. All they know is that a sick, unpredictable man has shown up on their property at least twice, actually
got into their car on at least one occasion, and refused to leave. It's not surprising that they've called someone to check on your father's living
situation. Does that make them assholes, as a lot of people in this thread have called them? Maybe, but from their point of view, I'd rather be thought of
as an asshole and know my family is safe than NOT be an asshole and be scared to let them go outside when the neighbor escapes.
I really hope this works out the best for everyone involved, and that you can resolve the situation in a way that keeps him at home and keeps the neighbors happy. Maybe by educating them about the disease and letting them get to know your father better, they'll feel safer if he does escape in the future. |
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Jonesy |
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Posts: 4946 (04/16/2009 12:54 PM) |
My guess is you have nothing to worry about. You are taking good care of your dad. Open your house and let them see what is really going on. It is mandatory
for them to follow up when they get a complaint. In fact, you should just mention the problems these neighbors are giving you so they understand it isn't a
concerned citizen complaint. I would also tell them the extra measures you have taken to ensure your dad isn't getting out of the house. I know this is
tough, but keep your head up. It's going to be fine. I'm so glad you gave us an update, I've been wondering about this. Please keep us posted.
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brokenangel |
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Posts: 1020 (04/16/2009 12:54 PM) |
ruler - my mom already has POA for him. i'm not worried about them taking him and i'm rather excited for them to come. i just really wish protective
services would be able to report back to the people that filed the report because chances are my dad is being better taken care of than their kids. since it
was an anonymous thing the alz. assn. doesn't think they'll be contacted.
nancy - according to my mom his healthcare coverage doesn't cover nursing home's for patients with dementia. he's my father not my grandfather. my mom's mom was in an assisted living which was very expensive and had a good rep and they were very neglectful and once tried to give her sedatives so they wouldn't have to deal with her. she was smart enough to know it wasn't something she always took and called my mom. it takes time to find the right place where you are comfortable leaving somebody, esp. somebody like him. i was out on my own, still have my own apt. and i'll be moving within the next year down south so i do have plans to get on with my life but for right now this is where i am. i spend most nights here and she doesn't "take over" she works 5am-6pm by the time she gets home she's exhausted. i get weekends off for the most part and if i want to go out at night during the week - which i don't often - she is here to be with him. in any case i can't i can't believe this thread is so long! i'm kinda done talking about it for the day though - so thanks everybody for the support once again, i appreciate it! |
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edved75 |
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Posts: 2542 (04/16/2009 12:55 PM) |
Sending good vibes your way, brokenangel. I hope everything works out for you and your fam. It's stressful enough as it is - you don't need these
neighbors bringing you down even more.
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Spamster |
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Posts: 2237 (04/16/2009 1:09 PM) |
I can understand where your neighbors are coming from. Maybe they reported you because they're genuinely concerned. It's a difficult situation for
everyone involved, including your neighbors.
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DigOutYourSoul |
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Posts: 211 (04/16/2009 1:17 PM) |
Spamster wrote: Why the fuck do you always come across as so bitter? She said he only got out, like, twice. How is that difficult for the neighbours? |
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Spamster |
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Posts: 2238 (04/16/2009 1:26 PM) |
DigOutYourSoul wrote: Any inconvenience to them is difficult and it's only going to get worse from here. There is no getting better in this situation unless they can hire someone to be with him, literally, 24 hours a day. They probably know that. |
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DarklyDreaming07 |
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Posts: 46327 (04/16/2009 1:36 PM) |
How does Spamster sound bitter? They didn't say anything wrong or rude. It's not like they were a bitch like some people in this thread.
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AphroditeAngel77 |
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Posts: 1345 (04/16/2009 2:10 PM) |
Sorry to hear you're going through so much. My grandfather had Alzheimer's too and it was tough to watch him deteriorate the way he did. We didn't
really know he had it till it was pretty far along. He had gone to the doctor and apparently he mistook the Dr saying he needed to go on a 'Low Sodium'
diet with a 'No Salt/Sodium' diet so he got super sick and ended up in the hospital and then in a nursing home.
My mom and I at the time ran like an Elderly home so we took him in and it was so hard to take care of him 24/7 as well as 3 other elderly people. But we knew it was the right thing to do. He never wandered though so that was a blessing but we'd always make sure he got out to like walk around for exercise with our supervision. Good Luck OP! Hope things turn out for the better and keep us updated. |
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HappyCori |
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Posts: 80 (04/16/2009 2:56 PM) |
This was just emailed to me and it made me think of the OP, sorry its a bit off topic, but kinda speaks true to her situation.
> It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly > gentleman in his 80s > arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he > was in a hurry > as he had an appointment at 9:00. > > I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it > would be over an > hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him > looking at his watch > and decided since I was not busy with another patient, I > would evaluate his > wound. On examining it I saw it was well healed, so I > talked to one of the > doctors and got the needed supplies to remove his sutures > and redress his > wound. > > While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had > another doctor's > appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The > gentleman told me > no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat > breakfast with his wife. > I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been > there for a while! > As she is a victim of Alzheimer's disease.. As we > talked, I asked if she > would be upset if he was a bit late. > He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had > not recognized > him in five years now. I was surprised and asked him, > 'And you still go > every morning, even though she doesn't know who you > are?' > > He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She > doesn't know me but I still > know who she is.' I had to hold back tears as he left, > I had goose bumps on > my arm and thought, 'That is the kind of love I want in > my life. > > True love is neither physical nor romantic. True love is an > acceptance of > all that is, has been, will be, and will not be. Peace is > seeing a sunset > and knowing who to thank. The happiest people don't > necessarily have the > best of everything; they just make the best of everything > they have. |
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Jrtismine |
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Posts: 22773 (04/16/2009 3:13 PM) |
goodluck w/ everything girl. it's not an easy situation at all.
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elites renee |
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Posts: 21782 (04/16/2009 3:18 PM) |
A few times is too many. I agree, but I don't know their situation, and I can't do anything about it
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DarklyDreaming07 |
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Posts: 46331 (04/16/2009 3:20 PM) |
Oh I know! I didn't expect you to do anything, I was just commenting on it is all. I'd hate for them to get a visit from someone other then a neighbor
because of an accident or something
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