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I honestly can't believe it. My first thought was that it was murder, not suicide, but that isn't right. He really did commit suicide.

It's even worse that I'm on my way to getting a degree in clinical psychology and I didn't even see this in my best friend. The signs just weren't there though. He was never withdrawn or had low energy, he slept and ate well, no anhedonia (had a lot of interests/activities he took pleasure in), and he was always smiling, outgoing, and had a good outlook.

It's so difficult to understand.

AmberElise04 wrote:

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Please don't think that for one second this is your fault, or that you're responsible because you didn't see the signs. A lot of times, a person who is suicidal will purposely mask their feelings so that people around them that they are closest too WON'T notice. I'm terribly sorry you lost your best friend, but it wasn't your fault and there was nothing you could've done.

I know the depression and his death weren't my fault. However, I was always the one he'd go to on the rare occasions he would admit something was wrong, the one who'd be there with a listening ear when he had a bad day, the one who'd be at The Market Uptown when he closed to go to the bars... maybe if I didn't graduate and we were still inseparable, he'd still be here. We were best friends - he trusted me.

...you're right, he either hid it well, or he was always happy when we were together having fun, but sad when he was on his own.

I just would've done anything for him if it meant he'd still be here today.

Thanks everybody.