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Kourtnie		#141	[-]
Posts: 2290 (11/11/2008 10:56 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	My girlfriend farted in my face once during oral. I laughed like hell, but she was embarassed at first. Ok, this isn't exactly sex but we were at the store she owns (after hours, of course) and she decides that she wants her hood piercing out. After trying to get the captive bead out herself and me helping we were brainstorming to figure out how to get it out. So, we remember her bolt cutters. It was friggin HUGE. Image having that at your crotch. I was sure I was going to lob something off and imaging what I would tell the paramedics. After about 20 minutes we finally got it off.
Classy Freshman		#142	[-]
Posts: 18 (11/11/2008 10:59 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Ok here goes... I played basketball in college and the experience I am speaking of was after a long game that night that went into overtime, and I played about 40 minutes. I showered up and walked back to my apartment with my girl. So I am really tired and I just fall asleep. So in the middle of the night I feel my girl rubbing my dick so I'm like alright whatever. So she gets on top or whatever and she starts doing her thing and I start to get alert and into it and then she tells me she wants me to hit it from the back. So im like cool so we do that for about 2 minutes then all of a sudden I get the worst cramp ever in my leg! I roll over on the ground, screaming like I had just been shot, and she looking at me like what is going on??? So I'm laying on the floor stretching butt as naked while she laying on all fours looking at me laughing. So I strech and I'm feeling a little better, we get back into it and bam two minutes later, same thing lol. Now this time I stretch it out and i tell her she has to get on top and finish herself. So she does and the whole time I'm just holding my leg while she rides me, hoping I don't catch another cramp. Well she finally gets her nut and I do too and all is well. We got a good laugh out of that the next day lol.
JenFromJersey		#143	[-]
Posts: 14770 (11/11/2008 12:02 PM) Most Loyal *NSYNC Fan '08 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	The first time I was with my current whatever you want to call him, it had been a while since I had last had sex... I was so tight he couldn't get it in! It was quite horrifying. We tried before dinner, after his gig and then finally the next morning after some hand manipulations, he got it in I was totally mortified! He is WAY thicker than my previous boyfriend (who had the smallest penis in the world!!!)
BackToReality		#144	[-]
Posts: 14756 (11/11/2008 1:10 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	brokenhalo11 wrote: The other really embarrassing was well...the one and only time I tried the back door approach and let's just say I left him a tiny brown present on his dick. lmfaooo
Pliant Pineapple		#145	[-]
Posts: 42162 (11/11/2008 1:19 PM) Funniest JJBer '06 JJBer of the Year '07 Funniest JJBer '09 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	So, we remember her bolt cutters. It was friggin HUGE. Image having that at your crotch. I was sure I was going to lob something off and imaging what I would tell the paramedics. After about 20 minutes we finally got it off.
Bobbee88		#146	[-]
Posts: 5694 (11/11/2008 1:30 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	JenFromJersey wrote: The first time I was with my current whatever you want to call him, it had been a while since I had last had sex... I was so tight he couldn't get it in! It was quite horrifying. We tried before dinner, after his gig and then finally the next morning after some hand manipulations, he got it in I was totally mortified! He is WAY thicker than my previous boyfriend (who had the smallest penis in the world!!!) Oh.. Wow!
dc chick 2000		#147	[-]
Posts: 912 (11/11/2008 1:39 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Edited By: dc chick 2000 11/24/2008 12:51 PM. Edited 1 times.
JenFromJersey		#148	[-]
Posts: 14774 (11/11/2008 1:40 PM) Most Loyal *NSYNC Fan '08 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	But it is nothing but great sex now It still hurts sometimes when I see him (it is a long distance whatever it is) but only the first time
magnoliam		#149	[-]
Posts: 3315 (11/11/2008 1:47 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Ok, Im gonna try to say this not using too many dirty words So I was with my ex at a deli with high back booths and long table cloths back in my college town, he had just gotten back into town from visiting his parents so it had been a while for both of us...Me having worn a pretty dress to pick him up, he decides to, um, pleasure me under the table. Except it was kind of an akward sitting situation and he had to use his thumb in the entrance the rest of his hand on my sensitive areas. All is fine until some one comes out of a nearby door and he freaked thinking the waiter was back so he jerks out of me, im fine and laughing hysterically but it turned out he had broken his thumb!! He had the bes time explaining the splint too; "Yea I broke my thumb off inside my gf, cuz Im that good"
x Mea Culpa x		#150	[-]
Posts: 897 (11/11/2008 2:20 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	this post is hillarious
VelvetRope11		#151	[-]
Posts: 29524 (11/11/2008 2:35 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Sparknotes version: He had a small penis. (VERY disappointing since he was one of those guys that you thought for SURE had something good going on..yeah NOT.) Now, I'm "smaller set" so if I can't really feel friction, you really are small. So we're in the middle of sex and it's alright, then I really start to feel friction and it gets good. He then says this gem: "Yeah...the condom slid off...its...in there..." My face dropped and of course we stop so I can go on an exploration. I was stunned it was so far up because I knew damn well he wasn't hitting those places naturally.
MegaBabe717		#152	[-]
Posts: 2870 (11/11/2008 2:42 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	orodwen wrote: You really do have the most unique-- umm most hilarious responses ever. Holy shit. Really? I just think it's sweet that he still feels that way after being with me now for over 20 years. I think that's unbelievably sweet! I would love to have a guy tell me that.
MegaBabe717		#153	[-]
Posts: 2871 (11/11/2008 2:51 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	hvnlyinnocent01 wrote: LMFAO I love these threads! The one about the cum going out of the nose and the "christopher columbus" one and the speaker on the head one are so freakin hillarious! So I have a few to contribute... When my then-boyfriend [now husband] and I were dating, a few years back he decided to have a party at his parents house while they were away at a NYE party. So a shitload of people were there, we all got hammered, and I decided to drag Wes inside and have a little bit of fun in the only empty space available, his parents closet. We were in there awhile when all of a sudden we heard shouting that his parents were home -- his father is real conservative and had no idea we were having sex, and he def didn't want it in his house. So long story short, we couldn't get out in time before his mom went straight to their bedroom, so we got stuck in the closet for like 2 hours while they watched Matlock reruns and had to crawl out on our bellies after they fell asleep. -- My husband and I were having a party w/our then roommates and we had drunk sex and it was GREAT, we were doing it all these fun new positions and crazy stuff, so I had him tie my hands up with his tshirt and his wifebeater he had on, and he was teasing me and we were having crazy missionary sex and then next thing I knew, he passed out cold on top of me! I mean, all heavy weight, still inside, on top of me and I was still tied up. I had to scream for help for about 5 minutes until the rest of Ted Nugent's "Stranglehold" wind down [longest fucking song I swear!] so I could yell for my roommate Tasha to come in our room and get him off and untie me. She was laughing her ass off!! -- This one really isn't mine but I'm sure my friend Nick won't mind me sharing it, it's really disgustingly embarassing. So back in HS my best friend Nick kind of prided himself on being the cocky guy in school, and he liked sleeping w/new girls. Well it took him a few weeks to finally get this girl to go out w/him, Lindsey. So he took her out for a romantic dinner and a walk by the lake, and they ended up climbing in his car and got busy. Well he just got this car as an early graduation gift from his grandfather, it was a carerra with white leather interior. He was going down on her and started to feel really nauseated, like he suddenly had a nosebleed from hell. He stopped and turned on the light to find that she had started her period in the middle of it! It was all over his face, in his hair, all over the seat underneath her... He was so disgusted that he threw up repeatedly. He called me and made me get up at 3am in the morning to come over there and take her home bc he was so sick he couldn't even drive! I had to take her home, come back to the lake, help him clean that nasty shit up, and then drive him over to my house so he could sleep it off after my mom and I threw him in the shower. It was disgusting and horrible and I felt so bad for him!! The girl didn't show up to school for a whole week over that. We're still real close and he tells me that he still gets nervous going down on women now, and it used to be his favorite thing to do. LOL!! -- Okay I'll stop for now. You win this post.
seaner23		#154	[-]
Posts: 1841 (11/11/2008 2:57 PM) Best Male '09 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	my ex-wife forgot she had a tampon in and we got it cracking. we/she spent 20 minutes trying to fish that thing out.
BooBooKittyPduck		#155	[-]
Posts: 533 (11/11/2008 3:13 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	orodwen wrote: Dude once fell asleep while still in me. Not like, dozing off, but full on CONKED THE FUCK OUT. It was difficult to get his body off mine and he wouldn't wake up for hours. On a tangent, my husband desperately wishes he could stay erect all night just so we can sleep completely connected. It was so sweet the first time he told me this & the last time he said this was recently. bows
BooBooKittyPduck		#156	[-]
Posts: 534 (11/11/2008 3:15 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	FunSized wrote: At the time, my boyfriend was living at home. We had just had sex upstairs in his bedroom; his parents were at a party next door. All of a sudden, the power goes off. We're in the process of finding our clothes when his parents run into the house. His mom barges into the pitch black of his room telling us not to worry; his dad will find flashlights. Little did she knew, she pretty much had this whole conversation with us when we were both naked LMFAO
BackToReality		#157	[-]
Posts: 14762 (11/11/2008 3:17 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	seaner23 wrote: my ex-wife forgot she had a tampon in and we got it cracking. we/she spent 20 minutes trying to fish that thing out. That sounds like one dry fuck.
LovesIt		#158	[-]
Posts: 6587 (11/11/2008 3:21 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	KiRkY GiRlY wrote: Gave a blow job for the first time...tried to swallow...didn't happen quite as I planned because it came out of my nose. I seriously wanted to cry. It was horrible. At least the guy I was dating was a douche. I can't believe I told this
cabbitstar		#159	[-]
Posts: 1367 (11/11/2008 4:44 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	MegaBabe717 wrote: hvnlyinnocent01 wrote: LMFAO I love these threads! The one about the cum going out of the nose and the "christopher columbus" one and the speaker on the head one are so freakin hillarious! So I have a few to contribute... When my then-boyfriend [now husband] and I were dating, a few years back he decided to have a party at his parents house while they were away at a NYE party. So a shitload of people were there, we all got hammered, and I decided to drag Wes inside and have a little bit of fun in the only empty space available, his parents closet. We were in there awhile when all of a sudden we heard shouting that his parents were home -- his father is real conservative and had no idea we were having sex, and he def didn't want it in his house. So long story short, we couldn't get out in time before his mom went straight to their bedroom, so we got stuck in the closet for like 2 hours while they watched Matlock reruns and had to crawl out on our bellies after they fell asleep. -- My husband and I were having a party w/our then roommates and we had drunk sex and it was GREAT, we were doing it all these fun new positions and crazy stuff, so I had him tie my hands up with his tshirt and his wifebeater he had on, and he was teasing me and we were having crazy missionary sex and then next thing I knew, he passed out cold on top of me! I mean, all heavy weight, still inside, on top of me and I was still tied up. I had to scream for help for about 5 minutes until the rest of Ted Nugent's "Stranglehold" wind down [longest fucking song I swear!] so I could yell for my roommate Tasha to come in our room and get him off and untie me. She was laughing her ass off!! -- This one really isn't mine but I'm sure my friend Nick won't mind me sharing it, it's really disgustingly embarassing. So back in HS my best friend Nick kind of prided himself on being the cocky guy in school, and he liked sleeping w/new girls. Well it took him a few weeks to finally get this girl to go out w/him, Lindsey. So he took her out for a romantic dinner and a walk by the lake, and they ended up climbing in his car and got busy. Well he just got this car as an early graduation gift from his grandfather, it was a carerra with white leather interior. He was going down on her and started to feel really nauseated, like he suddenly had a nosebleed from hell. He stopped and turned on the light to find that she had started her period in the middle of it! It was all over his face, in his hair, all over the seat underneath her... He was so disgusted that he threw up repeatedly. He called me and made me get up at 3am in the morning to come over there and take her home bc he was so sick he couldn't even drive! I had to take her home, come back to the lake, help him clean that nasty shit up, and then drive him over to my house so he could sleep it off after my mom and I threw him in the shower. It was disgusting and horrible and I felt so bad for him!! The girl didn't show up to school for a whole week over that. We're still real close and he tells me that he still gets nervous going down on women now, and it used to be his favorite thing to do. LOL!! -- Okay I'll stop for now. You win this post. 2nd this, I am crackin UP.
jessieGRAS		#160	[-]
Posts: 20093 (11/11/2008 6:37 PM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	muffinlover wrote: BackToReality wrote: since wrote: when i was having sex with my boyfriend, he told me he's about to umm release, and right when he did, my wall stereo fell on top of my head. LMFAO. sorry. LMAO I'm at a coffee shop and I just bust out laughing. LMFAO!!!

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