Someone please tell me it is NOT normal for a guy to never

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Just Not That Into Yuku		#41	[-]
Posts: 3802 (06/17/2008 12:27 AM) Best Username '08 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	You know it could be that he just doesn't want to be married quite yet. Which isn't the same as saying he's fallen out of love with you, but maybe he just wants to keep things as they are for awhile...and in order to put the marriage issue on the back burner without having to risk a major breakup, he's deliberately trying to freeze you out of the sex part of the relationship...knowing full well that it will probably be a dealbreaker, at least in the short term. Does that make sense?
dreams4sale		#42	[-]
Posts: 3133 (06/17/2008 12:31 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	I am in a comfort zone with him, yes. But who shouldn't be after this long. I'm with him though because he's the best man I've ever met in my life. I just want to be with him all of the time. I feel like a totally amazing beautiful person when I'm around him. I want this man to be the father of my children... you know? It goes so far beyond that. I would be absolutely devistated if I lost him and just thinknig about it scares the shit out of me. I don't ever want us to end. I just... want some freaking sex ya know?? That's the only area in our entire relationship that has any issue, everything else is just fine and dandy.
TealaB		#43	[-]
Posts: 1089 (06/17/2008 12:44 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Could he be having some kind of performance issue? That would explain why he wouldn't want to talk about it
dreams4sale		#44	[-]
Posts: 3134 (06/17/2008 12:55 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Nope, no performance issue. On the rare occasion when we actually are intimate, everything is just as amazing as it always was.
Smallville78		#45	[-]
Posts: 4497 (06/17/2008 12:59 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	well give him a choice go see a doctor or the relationship is over, i mean i wouldnt want to live with someone like that, cause something is wrong and he seems that he just doesnt want to find out what it is
dreams4sale		#46	[-]
Posts: 3135 (06/17/2008 1:03 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Yup, that's exactly what it is. In his mind, whnever he has a problem he thinks he should just not think about it and not worry about it and then eventually everything will just work out. I don't think he realizes that maybe even tho you don't want to talk or think about it, that some things you need to talk about and work through. I try talking to him and getting to open up about a lot of things but he is the most motherfucking stubborn person in the entire world. I'd lvoe to just talk and figure it out, no matter what it may be so that we can just try to get over it instead of all this BS just sitting around.
dreams4sale		#47	[-]
Posts: 3136 (06/17/2008 1:03 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Edited By: dreams4sale 06/17/2008 1:07 AM. Edited 1 times.
dreams4sale		#48	[-]
Posts: 3137 (06/17/2008 1:06 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	wow sorry. triple post
Just Not That Into Yuku		#49	[-]
Posts: 3808 (06/17/2008 1:07 AM) Best Username '08 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	dreams4sale wrote: I am in a comfort zone with him, yes. But who shouldn't be after this long. I'm with him though because he's the best man I've ever met in my life. I just want to be with him all of the time. I feel like a totally amazing beautiful person when I'm around him. I want this man to be the father of my children... you know? It goes so far beyond that. I would be absolutely devistated if I lost him and just thinknig about it scares the shit out of me. I don't ever want us to end. I just... want some freaking sex ya know?? That's the only area in our entire relationship that has any issue, everything else is just fine and dandy. The thing is, he should probably sense your distress and at least say or do something. Because he's got to notice that you're not quite irelating on that level...or at least not in the way that you once were. But again, give it time. A few months without sex shouldn't really be of concern...but after six months or more, I'd definitely start to worry...keeping in mind that some happily married couples only have sex once in a blue moon, and it doesn't seem to bother them or make them less content.
Just Not That Into Yuku		#50	[-]
Posts: 3809 (06/17/2008 1:08 AM) Best Username '08 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	dreams4sale wrote: It's not you. It's Yuku.
dreams4sale		#51	[-]
Posts: 3138 (06/17/2008 1:10 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Well that may be what works for some married couples but in my opinion it's not good. I want a nice heathly sex life and theres no reason why I shouldn't be able to have one. And there's no reason that just because you're commited to this person or have been with them for a long time that you are allowed to only have sex like 4 times a year and have that somehow be acceptable.
Just Not That Into Yuku		#52	[-]
Posts: 3813 (06/17/2008 1:34 AM) Best Username '08 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Presumably, your sex drives must've been matched at one time...and not only matched but in sync...though that's all gone now. And it probably isn't a performance issue since that generally means he's wants to have sex but cannot (which we've pretty well ruled out) so it's got to be something in his head. And since he's not exactly willing to talk about it, the only thing you can really do at this point is to try and make your feelings heard. I know you've said that he's acknowledged that it's an issue in your relationship, but maybe he's actually not. Or maybe he's not aware of the consequences. Or maybe he believes that if you just continue on like that, eventually you'll get used to it and not complain anymore? Or maybe it's some kind of passive-aggressive control thing? But no matter what's underlying it, since intimacy is such an integral part of how you view the relationship, you really have no choice but to confront the issue head on...letting him know that you can't be expected to continue on this path for very long. Either that, or adapt to the new status quo...and watch the future that you've longed for with him go. Edited By: Just Not That Into Yuku 06/17/2008 1:54 AM. Edited 2 times.
GoofyDawg0810		#53	[-]
Posts: 27684 (06/17/2008 1:38 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Is he stressed out about anything? Finances, school/work? Has he experienced a change in weight, particularly gaining weight? I say these things specifically because my boyfriend and I go through dry spells as well. The more stress either or both of us are under, the less frequently we have sex. I'm talking, once every 2 weeks in particularly stressful times. Also, the weight fluctuation affects it - not because he's self conscious about how he looks, but because gaining weight affects your hormones. When he starts working out and sheds a few pounds, we start having sex more, but if he's gaining, it's dwindles down again.
GoofyDawg0810		#54	[-]
Posts: 27685 (06/17/2008 1:45 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	And by the way, this fluctuation with my boyfriend and I has been going on for a while, too. He also attributes it to his PTSD after leaving the military, which I completely understand. Still, I know how frustrating it is. Although I know the real reasons behind his lack of drive, it still doesn't stop me from blaming myself with the old "If I were prettier, he'd want me/If I lost weight, he'd want me/There's something wrong with me/He doesn't love me anymore" tapes.
Just Not That Into Yuku		#55	[-]
Posts: 3820 (06/17/2008 2:19 AM) Best Username '08 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	How many times have i asked you to please not talk about our sex lives on here, Goofy Dawg? Geez! storms off
Just Not That Into Yuku		#56	[-]
Posts: 3829 (06/17/2008 2:50 AM) Best Username '08 Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	That anti-depressant theory is a good one! Because they can totally negate your sex drive.
Qrobur		#57	[-]
Posts: 1450 (06/17/2008 8:09 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	The fact that blokes just get bored of the same girl is another, regrettable, possibility. He's young and maybe it's happened. Now he's in a bind. But the other possibilities should not be discounted, of course.
JohnMayerObsessionist		#58	[-]
Posts: 3922 (06/17/2008 8:12 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	There can be medical reasons for a lack of sex drive. He should see a doctor.
blessedvirgin		#59	[-]
Posts: 99 (06/17/2008 8:39 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	How is his financial situation? Any work related stress Have you discussed having kids? Maybe thats partly the reason, he may not want kids yet. But the way you described his attitude comes off as very dismissive and disrespectful. Especially when you see him get hard, guys get hard because they are horny. So if he is hard and horny and doesn't want have sex with you, that speaks volumes. You need a proper discussion with him. Dont get dramatic with him and definately dont show any signs of jealousy (i.e asking if there is someone else) . Keep it simple. Its not about the sex per se, its about the whole situation and his lack of regard for your feelings. The fact that you have to ask your fiance why he doesnt want to make love to you is messed up in itself. Keep us posted and good luck.
YesItsTrue07		#60	[-]
Posts: 2877 (06/17/2008 9:24 AM) Reply Quote More Recent Posts Message Friend Block Invite Ignore	Can someone explain why a guy would cheat on you and as a result not want sex from you? I'm genuinely interested in the psychology behind that.

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